~The Road Less Taken~

Monday, January 19, 2009

edit: you may take this as a wrap-up of 2008, 19 days late.

after looking back at my academic transcript (which i got with my testimonial today) i personally felt this was a little bit of food for thought.

in secondary 1, at the end of the year when the then CT2 results were released, i remember being extremely proud of the fact that i managed to top the class for history and science. (maybe chinese as well. how ironic.)

but nothing more. studies were where my life in school started and ended. everything else i did was basically borne out of a necessity, an incentive or an obligation. match supports, merit CCAs, volunteerism - all foreign to me at the time.

that continued into secondary 2. where i basically didn't have much of a profile to keep (not even the lowest of low ones), and things like the prefects' elections and scholarship awards passed me by, while i could only sit, watch and wish it came for me.

but i never went for it.

and then in secondary 3, the inkling of change, like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis - new to the world, and naturally nervous.

and strangely, i could never get back into the "academic" way of things - my GPA started slipping away. badly. it got as low as 2.80 (excluding that first GPA of 2.75, after which math RA gave us a rude awakening), and never higher than 3.70 (after extensive moderation at the end of sec 3).

in previous years, it had never been below 3.67.

and then in secondary 4 my academic life fell to pieces. only more extensive moderation saved my mathematics butt from a sorry grade.

but strangely there seems to be more satisfaction at the end of secondary 4, then at any other point in secondary 1-3.

but i wouldn't exchange much for what i went through in 2008. yes, even all the scoldings for sleeping in chinese class, chem class, maths class, bio class and many more; all the 10-hour days i spent in school; all the weekends i had to drag my tired body back for a 6th day of work; all the late-night work with my PSLs, APCG facils and of course, that group of 79; all the fooling around before morning assembly, during recess and lunch, after school and during CCAs; all the times i had to sleep at 2am, unable to finish all my work, and still get myself in school by 7.15am; all the times i simply lost it after a school day because it had been so draining.

honestly, i'm about to say i wouldn't exchange my GPA, but in RI, a 3.5 GPA is more likely to put you in the bottom 25% than the top 25%.

i've said this before, and i'll say it just this last time: i'm glad for everything which happened in 2008.

nothing would have turned out the way it did if you didn't do what you did for me, whoever YOU may be. every single one of you who said hi to me, talked to me about nothing in particular, encouraged me, studied with me, and for just being there for me - thank you.

i guess the biggest difference between sec 1 and sec 4 is a certain belief.

that raffles doesn't just develop your body or your mind, but your very heart and soul.

and like i extolled to the PSLs of 2009, i guess going the extra mile made the difference.

if everybody around us was willing to take just an extra step, imagine what an incredible experience we would have.

and now over in raffles junior college (forget the institution bit. even teachers haven't gotten their tongues round it yet), 2009 and 2010 look even brighter than ever before.

because this time, unlike in primary or secondary school, i know what i want for my life.

and also, unlike previous times, this time i have a certain drive.

reminding me of perhaps my most important moment in 2008: the apcg youth summit.

not the whole summit, and not even anything to do with any other facilitator.

but just one simple exercise.

fast-forward to the sunday evening before the summit. all 50 facilitators were gathered in the seminar rooms, having done the meaningful jigsaw game.

then ms lily threw us this one challenge (this is a summary of what she said):

"i want you to close your eyes, and imagine what things would look like after the summit is over, and what you want to gain from the summit, and what you want the participants to gain. then i want you to write or draw it down. it can be a word, a sentence, a picture, anything."

i really stumbled a bit when it came to what I wanted to gain. i wasn't here to just do a job and leave, but rather be as much a participant as i was a facilitator.

but then i remembered one thing.

just the previous day (and indeed that same afternoon) i had been scolded by my parents. for my lack of effort in my studies. and one thing they said hit home. hard.

"if you can't even get your grades right, then why even bother going for this youth summit?"

and it stung. badly. because i really wanted to do this summit, and their words wouldn't change that, but it was the worst possible mindset to bring into the whole summit.

and so the word i put down for myself was simple.

redemption.

i was determined to prove them wrong. that i could do it, and that i deserved it.

and i proved it to myself, if nobody else.

the change it brought about is rather indescribable, and the words to define it exactly elude me, but i know it changed me.

and so now that the issue's being brought up again, it's time for me to redeem myself again.

and i will do it, somehow.

so i guess you could say that's also my new year's resolution.

sounds simple enough, haha.

and strangely enough, i saved those words on my handphone, so i could refer to it throughout the summit.

and indeed, they're still there. how apt.

ok i think my train of thought went off the tracks somewhere, but it makes sense to me, and that's what matters.

something that will make sense to everyone else though, is that i believe school needs to start soon.

I stopped to rest at 10:39 PM

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...