~The Road Less Taken~

Friday, June 13, 2008

my dreams used to be rather "standard" and "average", if ever you could have a standard and average dream.

happy things occurred in those dreams. love. friendship. and other things which made you feel somewhat happy, or at least if they didn't, they didn't make you feel sad.

of course there was the occasional nightmare. i remember i was killed twice in my dreams before (as i related, rather hilariously, to my oip group last year, while waiting for the plane home) - the first time when i was killed was by zombies (must have watched one too many horror movies), and the second time was when the mrt train crashed off the tracks and head-on into a canal after paya lebar heading towards boon lay (that's detailed for you).

on a side note, getting killed in a dream is rather... ordinary. no light at the end of the tunnel kind of thing. it's like an instant sleeping pill. you just see what's coming up ahead of you (you might know you're going to die), and then everything in front of you turns black. like you closed your eyes at that point, and went to a sleep-like mode.

of course, when i got killed in the dreams i woke up immediately, so that feeling of death was very short. and even then it may not be a true feeling, but seeing as i haven't experienced death before i've had nothing to base it on (supposing dreams are built on our real-life experiences), so it just might be true after all.

that's surely something for you to consider (maybe 65 years later).

on a seperate side note, i remember there was this scary x-files trailer i watched when i was in primary 3.

there was this weird thing which could suddenly just appear out of the dark and do horrible things to his victims (x-files fans, correct me if this never existed).

i think that's where my fear of the dark came from. i'm very much less scared of it now, but when you live in a 3-storey house, and you try to go down to the first floor to get a drink at 2am, trust me, you'd be a little twitchy too.

and then the funniest thing happened to me - i became scared of sleeping on my own bed.

this was all in the new house, by the way. i trust i'd remember none of this when i was 7 or 8.

why was i scared? my bed (like all logical bed-placers would have it) was right next to the wall, but of course it wasn't touching the wall, but instead had this small gap next to it (which made it easy for things to fall through. when my room was getting renovated it was interesting to see what kinds of things had fallen in). at night, i just found the gap rather eerie and scary (in fact, i was half expecting that hideous creation to jump out of the gap to do something evil), and consequently, i tried as much as possible not to sleep there (instead sleeping on a mattress next to the bed, or in my parents' room).

then after my room was renovated i decided it would be highly stupid not to sleep there since i had a say in choosing my room's design (plus, i had seen first-hand during the renovation that there was no x-filey thing underneath my bed).

and of course, now, i have my lovely carebear quintet to take care of me! =D haha no thanks to the 5 people who burned a hole in their pockets to buy a carebear each, i'm sure. and in different colours too, and personalised!

ok that marks the end of the side note chronicles. if you'd like more, chances are i'll have plenty sprinkled in every post.

so where were we?... ah yes. last time, happy things used to happen in happy dreams, with the very occasional sad dream.

but these last 3 days have produced something which leaves a rather bad feeling in your mouth, and all over.

3 dreams in 3 days, all with sad elements. the last one was just a total nightmare. not in that it was scary, but it was a horrid experience.

i'm not going to reveal the dreams here, because that would be hanging my laundry in public (clean or dirty, that's for you to decide), but i must go back to something i heard from someone before:

"dreams are a reflection of your real life. whatever you experience in real life which is the most impactful and leaves the deepest impression, you'll find in your dreams."

i cannot help but agree, after going through those 3 dreams.

all of them were so graphic that i can still remember them.

2 of them were about friends. really close friends. and both of them ended rather unhappily, or at least, had sad/scary elements in them.

the other was about my family. no prizes for guessing which one was the total nightmare.

(the family dream was by far the most graphic and vulgar, and needless to say, had the most unsuitable content for children.)

and i never believed i had the courage to do what i did to my family in that dream.

i can only hope and restrain myself, and ensure it doesn't happen.

man. when you think times could get a wee bit better (i was feeling really good after yesterday's board game cafe outing) those dreams really just bring you back down.

and the thing is that they felt so real. like they could happen anytime in real life. i even felt i was experiencing it for real.

luckily it wasn't. and excluding the happy parts, i hope it doesn't happen.

another relatively long (or short, in the context of my 4526-word-long post) post, about emo stuff once again.

i think the best thing i do is being emo, even though i smile 50% of the time.

and people even tell me my smile is lecherous. what a lovely reason to keep on smiling and forgetting my emo-ness.

honestly, that's probably the only thing stopping me from just letting everything go in public. just putting up a smiling, brave front, knowing i have friends who'll make me feel better, somehow.

man i really should get to being happier soon.

heck, even my writings and poems are all sad. not a single one touches on a remotely happy-sounding subject.

I stopped to rest at 12:43 PM

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...