The poet out of rhyme

2009-10-27T22:42:00.001+08:00

and i love you all so so much,

but i don't really know how to say it.

more at the end of the week, and yes i'm finally updating again >< (it's been a busy period though so please do forgive me.)

2009-08-10T23:51:00.002+08:00

no posts for a while (before this one), and it's actually unlikely there'll be (m)any more to come (except the occasional flash of inspiration which might override the cruel but necessary slog for promos and for council).

but while i'm here i just want to say that i'm really proud of the red parade team, every single one of them, for beating old father time senseless and erm when he regained consciousness, treated him to a wonderful concert.

special shout out too to penny, matthew and patrick - you three really got the short end of the stick, but don't feel too down! the journey's not over by any means.

you three also made me treasure my privilege of being able to do two functions even more. sometimes people might feel tempted to get away with commiting less than 100% to two tasks and get the credit for them, but you guys not only gave it 100000%, but also didn't really get the credit. and where others might simply see being in two functions as taxing or even natural, i see it now as a duty i have to everyone to do it well, so thank you, the three of you.

i know i shouldn't be raking up things that have passed (and maybe even blown over), but in short,

i think the council loves you, but more than that, they respect you.

and that's it for the short update i guess. grrr i don't think i have the will to blog regularly anymore (and go against the flow doing it).

2009-07-07T00:16:00.002+08:00

i just find it rather characteristic of JC life that after a CT which is worth 15% of the total year, we're all going for outings and movies and shopping trips as if there was a huge cause to celebrate.

and there is, because studying is a big deal in JC. and studying harder than you've ever done in the last 3 years (for me, at least) is certainly cause enough to celebrate, even if only for 4 days.

then again that's just my take.

and in the midst of a discussion with nic today about all matter of things pertaining to our lives, i realised that - and i think - i think too much.

what about that for irony.

2009-06-26T22:23:00.002+08:00

perhaps the greatest tribute to michael jackson and his influence is that even now, almost a day after his death, people everywhere are still in shock and disbelief, news networks are covering it almost around the clock and there are many out there who're willing to look beyond his troubled life and instead focus on his true legacy, as a gifted performer.

well i have 2 CDs of his, Thriller and Bad, and that sort of makes me a fan somewhat (and anyway i do like his music), and it's true that there's this immense void he's left behind that you just feel like nobody can truly ever replace. it's still a little hard to believe that he's really not going to make headlines (good or bad) ever again like he did in his heyday.

there's really a lot, almost too much to say, and probably nobody can truly get their head around the many feelings going through everyone now, but either way he was, and probably will always be, one of the great performers who've ever lived.

rest in peace.

2009-06-23T01:44:00.002+08:00

ok it seems like i'm back on the updating trail.

the last few days have been pretty productive i suppose. went through most of my notes and feeling sort of at ease with whatever CTs could throw our way, and while you could say it's only 15% of the entire year, an exam is an exam nonetheless.

and more than anything, the last few days have been productive, because i've been able to catch up with old friends, just talking about nothing (too much) in particular while reaffirming our friendship all the time. to me, it's just special if you can spend some quiet, quality time with a friend and just forget about the world out there.

and hopefully the next few days will be particularly good as well in that sense. it's really all the time i can afford to spare at the moment with CTs round the corner.

it's quite incredible how the atmosphere in RJ is really one of hard work and getting the results at the end of the day. i'm quite certain i wasn't totally like that in RI. anyway it's a good atmosphere to be in i suppose.

and on that issue of time, i just realised it sort of ties in (superficially) with that last poem heh.

off to sleep! (i haven't blogged at this hour for a LONG time.)

2009-06-17T23:09:00.004+08:00

i've realised that when i actually put my head down and get down to doing something, i actually can do it.

no, i'm not talking about the 5 tutorials i completed in the last 3 days (which were extremely punishing on my hand).

instead...

Time

It seems you know only a warped kind of movement –
Solitude which comes around
Time and again,
Whose mechanics spare you
But only a split second
Of thought, emotion, feeling,
Hesitation –
Before you embark on another of your fruitless journeys.
It seems you know only a monotonous war-cry –
Tones that never quite seem to fit
With your true inner workings,
Sounds which ring out long and loud
To too many a person
In need of your charity –
Sounds which sound like they could last forever.
It seems you know only a misguided purpose –
Serving as the first source of refuge
To the needy and speechless –
A quick synonym for an excuse,
To prove that the world
Can only revolve around you.

But worst of all,
It seems you know only a pitiful fate –
One as the hopeless target
Of hurt and fury, life and death
Destined to end as antiquity,
A slave to the abuse and working
Of the very people
Who proudly created you in the first place –

To prove that, in fact,
The world revolves around you and me.

admittedly it's nowhere near my best effort, but it's a start nonetheless. =)

2009-06-13T23:09:00.003+08:00

ok i do feel like writing, but now i don't really know what to write (even how to write - out of touch grrr.), so yeah it's going to have to come back slowly and painfully.

haha looks like (one of) my dreams of becoming a writer is going to be dashed. no passion and no drive! ><

2009-06-08T20:37:00.000+08:00

i don't think i'll really be updating too often from now on (i don't feel that urge to write, about myself or other things, that often anymore).

but i suppose i'll just keep this in case i need to use it.

anyway i doubt too many people read this anymore.

2009-05-15T23:06:00.003+08:00

OMG i haven't posted for so long?!?

ok yes but that's because it's been a really busy week for me (and the weeks before that were fairly filled too). but i'm enjoying the kind of work i'm doing now, which is always critical if you want to make the most of your time, so that's good. =)

and today the effects of the late nights really took its toll. i fell asleep in 3 lectures today, and i'm not proud of it. bio especially, i think mrs shen probably saw. ><

ok must get used to it soon. and if this continues i'll have to go for remedial (which is really not what i want to consider for the time being thank you.)

ok then this is a pretty brief update i know, but i had to post in case people thought the blog was dead (which i hope it's not).

till next time! and GRR a piece of writing must be up here soon.

2009-04-26T22:26:00.002+08:00

i'm sort of losing the urge to blog, and worse, to write (MUST HANG IN THERE).

but when the inspiration just doesn't want to come, i don't think it's wise to force it. although i really should dedicate more time to blogging/writing.

but a few random points to note.

tampines 1 looks fairly nice inside! but really cramped i must say. hopefully those massive crowds will go away somewhat as the excitement dies down.

and i found a new shop where i can source for all my cute things! =)

and today i met a few more ri guys at the gym near my house. how... coincidental.

ok but other than that it's been mostly school stuff.

MUST WRITE SOON. YES EMMA I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR.

2009-04-20T23:18:00.003+08:00

over the last few weeks i must admit i sort of didn't really understand fully why i was running for council. as you might have guessed.

but what's happened over the last few days (council camp. yes, all of it, especially that final day; council orientation, which was a great way to kick things off) have reminded me of what it is that keeps me going doing things like this.

the desire's back. =)

and OMG OMG I JUST REALISED MY COUNCIL BUDDY'S BROTHER IS IN MY PSL CLASS. HOW COOL IS THAT YO. =D

2009-04-14T22:12:00.002+08:00

things are getting a bit busy here.

but at least i haven't felt the need for a power nap at night yet.

and i shall post more when i have the time, maybe on sunday after the camp.

2009-04-10T23:09:00.002+08:00

i'm back from class camp, and facebook photos do a lot of talking indeed! (the number of emails in my inbox!)

and of course a lot of incriminating photos about my activities during class camp. (my upcoming shampoo ad ftw!)

the most lasting reminder of class camp?

i can't scratch my arms without going over a bite from the ubin mozzies. (it's the kind which doesn't seem to go away too easily, a little bump which is VERY painful if you happen to plant your nails on the exact spot.)

and this is 4 days after the camp. ><

hope it goes away soon! i look like i'm having some kind of pox now.

other than that nothing much has really been happening around school. (it's been a short week, with good friday and all.)

and i know i promised a poem soon, but i plead for a few more weeks! i don't feel like i want to write much now (i will need to negotiate an econs essay first) so yes a little while more for those people who do read them.

2009-04-05T22:28:00.002+08:00

if a person tries his or her very best to make things happen for someone else, and it doesn't quite turn out the way it should,

who's to blame?

more importantly,

who hurts more?

and even if we knew the answers, what good would that do?

i wish i knew the answers in the first place, and acted on them.

but since i do neither, i think i'm pretty useless.

2009-03-31T21:28:00.002+08:00

now's not the best of times to be having strange (second) thoughts flooding your head.

but there's no turning back now i suppose.

although looking at my schedule for the next few weeks makes me cringe.

2009-03-28T02:49:00.002+08:00

it's 2.45am as i type this.

and we've just gone through a mind-numbing number of instant messages, proposal updates, poster designs and the like.

as are all the other councillors i daresay. what a way to start your journey as a campaigner.

i haven't felt like this in a long time, and short of saying it feels good, it definitely feels different to be up so late doing so much. different in a nice way of course.

good luck all campaigners! it's going to be a tough week ahead, but we'll be tougher. =)

2009-03-26T23:55:00.002+08:00

watched IBE at the national library today, and i definitely enjoyed it a lot. good staging, timing and acting, faithfully following the script wilde set out and the main issues were very well brought out and sustained throughout the play.

there's no reason why it shouldn't be allowed for the sec 4s, so go and watch it if you can people. i think it'll be well worth your money.

short update today amidst the hustle and bustle of school life! tomorrow's going to be an equally long day i foresee.

2009-03-24T00:11:00.002+08:00

i love monday mornings. here's why.

sine cosine cosine sine
three point one four one five nine
plot a graph, draw a line
sine cosine cosine sine!

accompany with a clapping beat, do it in front of unknowing and unsuspecting people, and there you have instant randomness, highness and laughter.

of tintin and the math faculty. <3

sacrificing 2 hours of sleep at the start of the week isn't so bad after all. =)

2009-03-20T22:28:00.002+08:00

ok this blog is starting to be a bit neglected.

essentially, nothing eventful has happened in the last few days, except for that pool outing i had with the awesome threesome on tuesday.

and! i played this filipino chap after we were done among ourselves, and he's pretty good (then again you'd expect that from a filipino) and i lost on the 9. what a pity, but hey, i'm not terribly great, so it's ok.

and because nic has been busily pointing out on facebook that i'm pretty good at pool (which i said i wouldn't deny), i must quote my chem tutor here:

"it's tough to be humble yet honest. when you say you're very good, people will think you're not humble. when you say you're not very good, people will think you're suanning them."

(something to that effect yeah.)

how relevant it is eh.

and grrr school's going to start again in a few days. and this time the term will be 10 weeks long. for real. ><

2009-03-16T23:06:00.001+08:00

because i felt the first edition didn't do my point enough justice. so i must necessarily insert a second stanza.

I Saw You - v2 (16 March)

I saw you die on that cloudless morning,
Slipping away as you tried to scale
One more hurdle than your heart could handle.
I saw you drift slowly but surely
Like the leaves on an autumn tree
To a fate symbolic of what you meant.
I saw you fade into the dark clutches
Of a blinding apparition who had stalked you
And possess you for himself forever, and yet
I saw you etch yourself on flesh and blood,
Scratching deep scars in smooth stone
Where innocence would never dare.
And as I saw you die, I wondered not
Why you died at all, but whether
Having died after living,
You would live after dying
Or simply die forever –

Too many times we see what we want to see –
Helpless are the blacks of the herd
When nature deals their fatal fate;
Blameless are the threads of our lives
As they unravel in our very hands;
Shameless are the prideful among us
Who can only savage as the beasts they are
And yet be savaged by the humble.
Pride colours our vision, and makes us see
Pain, death, evil and blindness,
But the blindness of humility confers us
Strength, renewal, spirit and clairvoyance –
How different the same world can be.
Fallen hurdles, dying leaves,
Ghostly figures, soulless graves –
This darkness in black or pureness in white
We should never see,
But too many times we see what we want to see.

I saw you die on that cloudless morning,
And as I saw you dead, I wondered
Why you died at all, and then
I saw you speak to me, a deep resonance –
That life was not about the black or white,
But the existence of gray.

2009-03-12T00:44:00.002+08:00

the last week of school, and it's been fairly relaxing so far. then again so has all of school.

but if you wanted to look at it another way, you could. i'm probably not doing quite enough around school nowadays, and i know it, but yet i don't want to do too much because unlike in ri, some serious consequences are at hand.

and of course i get reminded about it every day as if i get daily onsets of dementia. but let's leave that behind.

last friday was council interview, and thank goodness it went fairly ok (although of course looking back at it i think it wasn't the greatest interview i've ever had. then again i'd be hard pressed to find one), although i had some mixed feelings about having jonlim as the councillor at the interview. it's definitely weird getting interviewed formally by someone you know.

this week has hardly been busy, and then the holidays beckon, and i shall need to really get into the groove for what's to come.

ok i'm barely making any sense here. coherence is at a premium at night i sense.

i shall be back soon, maybe on friday! with an update on more og outings.

2009-03-07T20:45:00.001+08:00

I Saw You

I saw you die on that cloudless morning,
Slipping away as you tried to scale
One more hurdle than your heart could handle.
I saw you drift slowly but surely
Like the leaves on an autumn tree
To a fate symbolic of what you meant.
I saw you fade into the dark clutches
Of a blinding apparition who had stalked you
And possess you for himself forever, and yet
I saw you etch yourself on flesh and blood,
Scratching deep scars in smooth stone
Where innocence would never dare.
And as I saw you die, I wondered not
Why you died at all, but whether
Having died after living,
You would live after dying
Or simply die forever –

I saw you die on that cloudless morning,
And as I saw you dead, I wondered
Why you died at all, and then
I saw you speak to me, a deep resonance –
That life was not about the black or white,
But the existence of gray.

2009-03-05T20:59:00.001+08:00

somehow i just get the feeling from what's been happening in the last few weeks that i've well overstayed my welcome.

but enough of that.

tomorrow's a big day indeed. and then it'll be over for a few weeks, thank goodness.

and i think i shall get back to writing something sometime soon. i seem to have a relatively free weekend this time around, so yes hopefully i can keep to my promises.

2009-03-01T21:49:00.005+08:00

ok it's been a whirlwind few days, and lots and lots of people (surprisingly!) wished me over the last few days so here goes:

A BIG THANK YOU to:

*takes a deep breath*

on facebook: isaac cassandra nigelchua chenchen benaw ernie(koh) michael titus jiajin shihang ernestaw zhuoyang aarongoh cuong terence linh yuanjun leonardtan daniellim jiehao marcuslee geraldsng desmond bengoh kiathong linus nicole yuhsuen leonhan jeremysia abhi danfer ernestwong arthur renyan charles valerie joou lincoln kimberly gregory boontiong shanzhi antariksh vincent aidan rachel nigelfong peiling kaiyang yiwei nigelkoh kailun junsean kaushik chrisanda haozhi nitya willzhang eugenewoo yingjie!

*exhales*

by sms: edmund michael ryantan abhinav kengchee elizabeth benji amanda haozhi kangjie kieran danielchander guanlin elias(BRUDDERTIONG)!

by email: haozhi + max!

in person: those at YGH! and of course not forgetting the lovelies at HH06! I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T MAKE IT FOR THE OUTING. =((((((((((((((((((((((( another time ok!

and of the above people, BUCKLEY CAPT LEEGUANLIN deserves special mention because believe it or not, BUCKLEY WON SWIM CARN. (yes, all of us buckley-slaggers, me included, it's for real.)

i'm proud of you guanlin. =) because they're also 9 points clear of HULLETT! (ok i get mixed feelings here but it's always a nice feeling to root for the underdogs. reminds you of the feel-good feeling after watching "slumdog millionaire" perhaps?)

haha yes so that's what's been happening to me in the last few days. i'm still rather high after what happened on friday, saturday and sunday - it took me a while to realise there's work due tomorrow. ><

more interesting things to come this week! and it's only 2 more weeks to the march holidays, with some time to regroup and really start getting into the thick of things, so yeah. =)

edit at 12.04am: thanks to yingjie too! i think you should be the last one. =) and sorry edmund! almost forgot you. ><

2009-02-27T23:00:00.002+08:00

school's likely to get busier as time goes by, but at the same time it's becoming extremely fun.

10S03N and HH06 <3! really really enjoyed the last few days with all of you, sitting around and joking and having fun and really warming up to each other a lot more.

tomorrow promises to be good too! after youth got heart i have to go for 2 dinners!

and thanks lots for the cards! you guys are all 3 years early though. =)

and of course happy birthday to my fellow o'utofideas friends, the very special ojisan and obasan! hope both of you had a great time too! (together!! xD)

2009-02-23T00:06:00.003+08:00

back from interact camp!

well i guess it was pretty fun for some parts, definitely very meaningful for others (and our group had the most heart(s)!), but talking to some of the other interactors really put things in a different light.

and i guess it shows something about me as well, because my way of thinking about the issue seems to be rather too simplistic. where other people try to make sense of what's going on, i seem to just accept things at face value and move on.

and the world doesn't work like that. i know that, but i just haven't been able to "put it into practice".

i guess that's why i feel so confused sometimes about life and where it's going for me (i took that quiz on someone's blog a while ago. and i'm most concerned about that apparently). when things don't work according to my simple understandings, i don't have much of a response. i don't really see the whole picture, just scattered parts (or worse, a concentration of parts).

something tells me that i've really got to develop some kind of critical awareness if i'm going to survive the tough life out there.

if it was the thing which got me in here in the first place, it's going to have to be the thing which gets me out.

2009-02-18T22:31:00.003+08:00

ok school's been slightly more hectic than usual, but it's still a far far cry from the peak of ri (i haven't yet felt an irresistible urge to fall asleep during lectures and tutorials).

it should get more packed though. interact commitments already seem to be taking up the spare time in between lessons and stuff.

we had a headstart on school work, but now school work's catching up with us, and sooner or later it's going to overtake us, and that's where all the energy is going to go i guess.

and yes, it does feel extremely weird going back early (at, say, 3pm?) and just sit at home reading lecture notes and attempting the odd tutorial question.

i think school's going to become a second home, more than ever before, if that's even possible.

and before i leave for the comforts of my bed (at least this lull in schoolwork offers me a slumber time before midnight =D), i must say this:

OUR GP TEACHER ROCKS. TOTALLY. (MRS UMA CHONG FTW!)

2009-02-14T23:19:00.003+08:00

writing a poem in 1 hour is extremely easy.

writing a good poem in 1 hour is extremely hard.

and since i had to squeeze this one in for valentine's day, you know which of the statements holds true for this one.

Sunset on the Beach

As we sit here on secluded, soft sands,
My fingers dancing through your silky hair,
We watch the sun set as we hold hands –
Quiet thoughts of love fill the evening air.
Your skin is dreamily supple and smooth,
Dead gorgeous right down to your heart,
Your kiss has the power to calm and sooth,
So much that I fear the day we part.
Then slowly, silently, I put my face near yours
To make magic with that special connection,
Loves like ours could go on for hours,
For it produces the strangest sensation.
So even when I look in your lifeless eyes,
I still believe love has not passed me by.

now wasn't that a fitting end to v-day?

and now that the twisted poem is out of the way, let's go back to a more innocent time of "emo poetry" shall we? (another day of course. no more gas in the tank for tonight.)

edit: valentine's day celebration on friday was really good.

girls are so so sweet, so much so it puts me to shame for not preparing anything for friday. i must make up for it next year.

og lunch at pizza hut! where we pretended the 101 roses jolyn got was a real person and gave it pepsi and soup to drink (liquid diet you see). =)

also funny because we saw leon's ez-link card, talked a lot of rubbish (and even more after i had to leave. for math soc urgh ><), and had a lot of syrup added to leon's ice lemon tea. (among the other things which happened along the way, such as having to carry those 101 roses. people looked at me like never before, i can tell you that.)

love you guys at HH06! have a happy valentine's day! although this will be too late. ><

not too much work this weekend. just a math tutorial and an econs article to find, thankfully. (must remember.)

but seeing how the new timetable goes, more work will come next week.

but that's school for you. heh.

2009-02-10T21:24:00.003+08:00

at least now i can say that i'm just about as irritable as my throat.

hopefully it gets better soon. i'm feeling teribly light-headed and tired in the early afternoon, and nothing seems to be staying in my mind very long. bio lecture was the worst, but yeah afterwards it wasn't so bad.

first econs lecture tomorrow. hope that's not going to be as bad as it's been made out to be.

yeah it really is back to the daily grind now.

2009-02-08T17:38:00.002+08:00

it's been 2 days since orientation ended with a bang at o'nite.

and honestly, i don't really feel like giving a summary. it's really just vomitting out facts that happened to everyone.

but i must say that in these last 5 days, i've really enjoyed the company of outofideas. su fen's occasionally violent tendencies, xinqi's high moments, dancing with wan ting for batch dance (and we did it! =D), weirong's jokes and laughter, and many many more.

it didn't start off terribly fantastically, like perhaps every other OG, and at the end of it we may not have been the best enthusiastic with things like cheering and outings, but i think all the same it's been a great way to kickstart jc life.

and so for the next few months we'll always look back fondly at the times we:

sat in the open space at J8 to play games and do forfeits.
disobeyed the teachers and stayed out late.
shouted back "what's your problem?" in hokkien when our group was called.
played the many games of concentration and that hand-slapping game.
played the actual scheduled games in the programme.
cheered for fun during the waiting times in the MPH.
cheered with the house during the house competitions.
cheered for raffles.
simply sat down and talked about everything under the sun.

and to our remarkable OGLs: thanks for bringing it together and making it happen.

it's a shame that orientation couldn't be longer, but all good things have to come to an end, and sometimes you don't want things to drag on for too long, till it loses its meaning.

no pictures yet, but i'm sure there will be (i see plenty on facebook already i've been tagged in).

so now, in about 12 hours, my JC school life will be starting.

it's a terribly important time. terribly, because now's the time when every single decision i make will almost certainly have a consequence down the road i'll eventually take. nothing much can be taken for granted or treated indifferently now.

important - well, it needs no explaining. another major exam, and it looks like it'll prove to be a tough one.

time?

there's never enough time, it seems. never.

but more on that another time. (pun not intended, but it just shows you how much time features in our lives eh.) for now dinner, and a new day tomorrow beckons.

2009-02-05T23:21:00.002+08:00

today's quote of the day can only go to aaron goh.

aarongoh: "aaron (tiong) is like a silent _________ (i forgot. crusader?). when you look one way, he's there, but when you look the other way, he's gone. and then when you look the other way, he's there again, but when you look back, he's not there anymore."

me: "well isn't that supposed to be right? because if you look this way, i'm here, but then you look the opposite way, and i'm not there because i'm still here!"

orientation's ending tomorrow night! it's been a blast over the last few days, and unfortunately it has to come to an end. but oh boy it's been a good way to get the year started, for real.

and can we has the peekzhurrs for o'utofideas please! haha anyone who has them upload somewhere. =)

2009-02-04T23:04:00.003+08:00

there's absolutely no doubt that this dance is awesome.

the only part i have real trouble with is that crazy stomping thing to "lollipop"! must perfect it over the next few days. =)

2009-02-03T22:29:00.003+08:00

i'm really not in the mood for blogging now.

but if i thought the sec 1 orientation had the potential to be superb, J1 orientation has the potential to be utterly mind-blowing.

i think that'll sum it up nicely. it's been that good for me.

don't feel like typing anymore now!

because I'M O'UTOFIDEAS.

when i say "out of" you say "eye"!
when i say "out of" you say "deers"!

let's go o'utofideas! (if any one of you even knows i exist in this corner of the web) we got the potential to be moving and grooving, so let's do it. =)

and i think the batch dance we have is also rather cool. awkward at first, but yeah, it's cool. =)

in fact i have it grooving away in my head now. and am also on the verge of standing up and doing the dance myself, at the risk of looking extremely spasmodic.

but yes it shall be all. maybe next time around i'll let some pictures do the talking!

2009-02-03T00:01:00.003+08:00

first day of orientation today! (yesterday, actually)

and it was pretty awesome. =)

oh no wait.

make that O'RHSOME.

(unfortunately that's not my OG!)

haha i can't quite seem to put a finger on it, but yeah it's been a good start. and it makes me look forward to the rest of the week!

rather tired now from all that activity though so it's time to turn in. =)

2009-01-31T00:20:00.004+08:00

as i was trying to consolidate my writings over the last few years i stumbled across this poem i wrote about 4 months ago.

as part of the writing workshop with yong shu hoong i attended. this piece was about having to connect 6 random words together. (my other piece from the same workshop can be found here.)

so forgive me if it seems rather construed, but i think it still holds meaning.

especially given the events in america in the last few months. not that i'm trying to reopen previously stitched wounds, but nobody can deny - the scars are still there.

Differences

It always happened every night.
Before I went to sleep
Grandma would come over to my bed
To talk about
Any thing everyone should know,
Every thing anyone should know –
Always, something.

This time it would be different –
And these differences exist,
Uneroded and prideful
By the passing
Of logic, feeling and time.

This time
She talked at length about
The pale ghastly actresses who stumbled across the silver screens
As if they were the most beautiful snow-skinned swan
As their soulful gray counterparts, ensnared in webs, watched;
The bank robbers in the multitude of comic strips
Always wearing black in their shady endeavours
Which bore no fruit in the whites of their moral superiors;
And the colour of the blood which coursed through all men
Regardless of the conflicting guises it ran under
And the pitiful minority of its colour-blind.
And as she spoke,
It seemed a light had dawned
Upon her shadowed face,
And as I could do nothing more respectful
Than look right at her
And its two small, pure circles of now-healed flesh,
Something deep within clicked.

And somewhere far away,
The clicking will go on,
Albeit for different causes –
But of course.
Differences have always existed.

Watching the slip of hallway light dissipate
As Grandma closed the door,
I sat up,
Enlightened in this darkness –
Tonight it had been
Something of the former.

i seem to like this idea of "the second voice" quite a bit. maybe i should research it more.

2009-01-30T23:01:00.005+08:00

*stand up, point* "HAVE YOU GOT THE SPIRIT?" x10

"everybody has a secret picture of you."

"trygock (pronounced tri-jock)..." (thinking about "tragedy" when saying "shylock")

oh crap today was exciting. as you can see from those quotes.

not so exciting was the fact that i went from bishan to orchard and back to bishan without doing anything productive (other than buying some books! at last) because uniforms were out of stock at both places. ><

and of course there was the almost customary running into (and for a certain someone, running at) the people from across the road. although some of them crossed the road.

met ms chew yesterday in the library during her lesson as well! oops excuse me, make that mrs seah.

haha there goes any remaining chance of calling her "周姐姐". now we'll have to call her "周太太"! xD (ms chew, if you're reading this... oops.)

2009-01-27T21:50:00.002+08:00

OHOHOH I NEARLY FORGET.

happy new year! no it isn't happy niu year, because it's so terribly lame and cringe-worthy.

but yes i'm still in this holiday mood, with no motivation to do anything beyond relaxing.

MUST GET BACK TO WORK MODE SOON.

JIP's restarting on thursday (for me)! oh the horror.

2009-01-24T19:03:00.003+08:00

Façades

Often times when I go to bed at night
I wonder.
Wonder why I never seem
To sleep tight, sleep warm –
To sleep at all;
Wonder why things are like this
When the grass is brighter on the other side,
A side we cannot seem to see,
For reasons we obscure from our own view.
I wonder where I wander,
And then I wander where I wonder –
Into my grand façade for a little shelter.
But I don’t dare to make it soundproof,
So every time you scream, shout and scold,
My brave resistance crumbles to pieces,
As if the little sands of time
Would slowly wash these walls away –
Or not, by your very eyes.
And then, as these same sands
Wash me away and beach me ashore
In dreamland,
Love appears through the cracks,
For a fleeting moment –
A singular, shining moment –
And then it is no more.

2009-01-23T23:01:00.003+08:00

i must say i did not expect to see mr desmond tan in the bedok central area tonight.

and unlike that popular mantra, i rarely expect the unexpected.

so my face at that time belied the surprise (and joy?) i had of seeing him.

yes, it's been that kind of day.

and fittingly, there shall be a poem to commemorate it.

but excuse me while i retreat into my empty little shell.

i shall be back tomorrow, with whatever i need to say, in meter.

2009-01-21T22:52:00.004+08:00

back to the recurring theme amongst all my recent blog posts:

you know you're bored stiff when:

a) sleep does not appeal to you because it's too boring.
b) you bothered to update all your blog's links.
c) you can afford to walk around school for 1 hour, wait 1 hour to get a haircut and still reach home by 4. on a wednesday afternoon.
d) you do non-productive memes like the one below from bengoh's blog because there isn't much else better to do.

HOW ASIAN ARE YOU

[X] Both of your parents are from Asia
[ ] You were born in AsiaCanada
[ ] You use the term "Azn" (o.0)
[ ] You think DDR is cool
[ ] You've watched lots of anime (not since i was in primary school.)
[ ] You like Korean drama (da chang jin is the only one i've watched.)
[ ] You have stuff hanging on your phone
[X] Your parents want you to marry within your own race (i suppose so.)
[X] You eat rice almost everyday (make that everyday.)
[X] You drink lemon tea
X's so far: 4

[ ] You style your hair (i have no idea how to, sadly.)
[ ] You have a bebo/myspace/friendster
[X] You speak languages other than English (the bilingual policy.)
[ ] Your parents are strict compared to other REALLY asian parents
[X] Your parents have high expectations of you (me too)
[X] You always get A's/B's on your report (well...)
[X] You do Chemistry/Biology/Physics/Accounting
[X] You know your multiplication table
[X] You play badminton or table tennis (more of the former.)
[ ] You've seen the asian version The ring/The grudge
X's so far: 10

[X] You go/want to go to a university and would NEVER consider an apprenticeship
[ ] You own an asian car (Honda, Toyota, etc)
[X] You're not the only child
[X] You've gotten little red envelopes around February (ang paos?)
[ ] You know the difference between kung fu, karate and tae kwon do (oops.)
[ ] You prefer asian girls (i have no preference as of now.)
[X] Your mother tries to bargain even though the product is already discounted
[ ] You can do the rubiks cube (and i'm proud of it.)
[X] You have a box of noodles somewhere in your house (plenty.)
[X] You play video games (sparingly, on my 360.)
X's so far: 16

[X] Everytime you're going out your parents ask you where you're going and what time you'll be home
[ ] You have karaoke at home
[ ] You know BOA/Gazette/Ayumi Hamasaki/Gackt
[ ] You've been to a LAN more than 3 times (what a no-lifer.)
[ ] You have incense sticks/moth balls in your house (never seen them.)
[X] You own a gaming console (my precious/dusty 360.)
[ ] You play a musical instrument (RECORDER NOT COUNTED RIGHT.)
[X] You don't wear shoes in your house (my house is clean enough.)
[X] You can use chopsticks
[ ] You get nothing if you do well in school (the recent trend is as such.)
X's so far: 20

[X] Your parents won't let you go out if you have school the next day (they do, but usually i go out for work-related purposes.)
[ ] You have asian songs on your computer/iPod (oops.)
[ ] You don't like football
[X] You have a curfew (i suppose it's an unspoken one.)
[ ] You know what ulzzang/tb means (what???)
[ ] You know what purikura is (WHAT?????)
[X] You like bubble tea (bubbling with the NCC people!)
[ ] Your parents bought you shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come
[ ] You've played finalfantasy (o.0)
[ ] You believe in fortune cookies
X's so far: 23

[X] You know what bok choy is
[ ] You've heard the song "Got rice?"
[X] You have a tutor ("had", but given my chinese it could yet be "have".)
[X] You've had pockys/yan yan before
[X] When you seek for your mother's permission she replies "Ask your dad"
X's so far: 27

Total X's: 27
Your total x 2
Result: 54% Asian

that's very helpful. so what's the remaining 46%? oceanic?

and if things continue at this rate i'll never have to worry about a flagging commitment to literature.

2009-01-20T22:34:00.002+08:00

the only thing of note in today's talks (which i understand are in general universally deemed as, while not completely useless, a rather inefficient use of time) was the lit talk.

which sort of rekindled that flame in me which wants to do lit.

i was more or less sold on mrs perry's (hope i spelled it right) talk, not because of that quote at the end (which will be referenced later, worry not), but more because she really seemed to sum up everything which is beautiful about literature.

so now it's back to that internal debate. BCME or BCML? it's hard to decide, and i really wish i could take both, but an overhaul of my subject combo is unlikely, seeing as i already accepted an RA offer.

grrrr. it's so tempting to be pragmatic when it comes to this kind of thing.

to make matters worse today, i had almost 6 hours in between the last talk and my interact interview (which went fine i guess. shot myself slightly in the foot a few times, but hopefully it wasn't too bad). and so the time was spent in where else but ri.

along the way a few interesting things happened. got bombarded by EXTREMELY weird questions about JC life (all you dirty little fellows), got some uninterrupted sleep in (15 minutes?), walked around the school as i always do and chased a certain someone all over the cca block for an hour.

now you know how productive i can be.

and now, two of the most random quotes of the day.

"literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having babies. life is the other way around." - someone i forgot. if you look past the rather obscene bit, it actually makes quite a bit of sense.

"aiyah go molest women." - someone i shall not mention, lest you change your impression of him. but it's safe to say he went slightly crazy after that. needed a spray of that women's deodoriser in the PB room to calm him down, but we had to take great care to escape from the web he spun which "few men can escape".

chinese new year is a prime time to go out with friends. so zongyi you'd better not let me down this time.

obama's inauguration coming up really soon! somehow i'm looking forward to it more than the last one (ok the last new one was 8 years ago, and i was incredibly apathetic then, but i think it's fair to say i didn't miss much). whee. =)

2009-01-19T22:39:00.002+08:00

edit: you may take this as a wrap-up of 2008, 19 days late.

after looking back at my academic transcript (which i got with my testimonial today) i personally felt this was a little bit of food for thought.

in secondary 1, at the end of the year when the then CT2 results were released, i remember being extremely proud of the fact that i managed to top the class for history and science. (maybe chinese as well. how ironic.)

but nothing more. studies were where my life in school started and ended. everything else i did was basically borne out of a necessity, an incentive or an obligation. match supports, merit CCAs, volunteerism - all foreign to me at the time.

that continued into secondary 2. where i basically didn't have much of a profile to keep (not even the lowest of low ones), and things like the prefects' elections and scholarship awards passed me by, while i could only sit, watch and wish it came for me.

but i never went for it.

and then in secondary 3, the inkling of change, like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis - new to the world, and naturally nervous.

and strangely, i could never get back into the "academic" way of things - my GPA started slipping away. badly. it got as low as 2.80 (excluding that first GPA of 2.75, after which math RA gave us a rude awakening), and never higher than 3.70 (after extensive moderation at the end of sec 3).

in previous years, it had never been below 3.67.

and then in secondary 4 my academic life fell to pieces. only more extensive moderation saved my mathematics butt from a sorry grade.

but strangely there seems to be more satisfaction at the end of secondary 4, then at any other point in secondary 1-3.

but i wouldn't exchange much for what i went through in 2008. yes, even all the scoldings for sleeping in chinese class, chem class, maths class, bio class and many more; all the 10-hour days i spent in school; all the weekends i had to drag my tired body back for a 6th day of work; all the late-night work with my PSLs, APCG facils and of course, that group of 79; all the fooling around before morning assembly, during recess and lunch, after school and during CCAs; all the times i had to sleep at 2am, unable to finish all my work, and still get myself in school by 7.15am; all the times i simply lost it after a school day because it had been so draining.

honestly, i'm about to say i wouldn't exchange my GPA, but in RI, a 3.5 GPA is more likely to put you in the bottom 25% than the top 25%.

i've said this before, and i'll say it just this last time: i'm glad for everything which happened in 2008.

nothing would have turned out the way it did if you didn't do what you did for me, whoever YOU may be. every single one of you who said hi to me, talked to me about nothing in particular, encouraged me, studied with me, and for just being there for me - thank you.

i guess the biggest difference between sec 1 and sec 4 is a certain belief.

that raffles doesn't just develop your body or your mind, but your very heart and soul.

and like i extolled to the PSLs of 2009, i guess going the extra mile made the difference.

if everybody around us was willing to take just an extra step, imagine what an incredible experience we would have.

and now over in raffles junior college (forget the institution bit. even teachers haven't gotten their tongues round it yet), 2009 and 2010 look even brighter than ever before.

because this time, unlike in primary or secondary school, i know what i want for my life.

and also, unlike previous times, this time i have a certain drive.

reminding me of perhaps my most important moment in 2008: the apcg youth summit.

not the whole summit, and not even anything to do with any other facilitator.

but just one simple exercise.

fast-forward to the sunday evening before the summit. all 50 facilitators were gathered in the seminar rooms, having done the meaningful jigsaw game.

then ms lily threw us this one challenge (this is a summary of what she said):

"i want you to close your eyes, and imagine what things would look like after the summit is over, and what you want to gain from the summit, and what you want the participants to gain. then i want you to write or draw it down. it can be a word, a sentence, a picture, anything."

i really stumbled a bit when it came to what I wanted to gain. i wasn't here to just do a job and leave, but rather be as much a participant as i was a facilitator.

but then i remembered one thing.

just the previous day (and indeed that same afternoon) i had been scolded by my parents. for my lack of effort in my studies. and one thing they said hit home. hard.

"if you can't even get your grades right, then why even bother going for this youth summit?"

and it stung. badly. because i really wanted to do this summit, and their words wouldn't change that, but it was the worst possible mindset to bring into the whole summit.

and so the word i put down for myself was simple.

redemption.

i was determined to prove them wrong. that i could do it, and that i deserved it.

and i proved it to myself, if nobody else.

the change it brought about is rather indescribable, and the words to define it exactly elude me, but i know it changed me.

and so now that the issue's being brought up again, it's time for me to redeem myself again.

and i will do it, somehow.

so i guess you could say that's also my new year's resolution.

sounds simple enough, haha.

and strangely enough, i saved those words on my handphone, so i could refer to it throughout the summit.

and indeed, they're still there. how apt.

ok i think my train of thought went off the tracks somewhere, but it makes sense to me, and that's what matters.

something that will make sense to everyone else though, is that i believe school needs to start soon.

2009-01-17T15:45:00.003+08:00

this isn't the twisted poem, sadly (now wouldn't we like that one out soon?).

instead it's an offshoot from that last one i posted.

i sort of like it actually.

Noise

The youth in me screams and shouts,
Building worlds impenetrable to words
With strength I knew I never had in my arms.
But it’s so different with you,
You with your whitewash of lilywhite marble
Sweeping me off my unable limbs
Into the warm moat off your sacred castle
For me to flounder and make more mistakes in
Until you put your finger gently to my lips,
And then the realisation is complete.
That which I am, I am that for me,
And now you join in my symphony of noise.
The scaffold by which you have ensnared me
Is also the only thing which could set us free –
This human construct should be but solid rock
On which we step, to more of the same,
And I’m not saying I’m doing anything wrong –
Just that it’s always been done better,
And you should know that every time
Your lips move, and you divine by your eyes,
I get terribly, terribly weak.
Weak enough for you to do
The things I did
Only you can undo.

2009-01-15T22:13:00.006+08:00

let's see...

in the last 2 days i have done 3 quite amazing things.

1) after a few attempts at doing this thing, but pulling out at the last minute because i was either observant enough or very chicken, i finally did it.

I FINALLY WALKED DOWN AN UP-RIDING ESCALATOR.

(ok the other times i did something similar, it was trying to walk up a down-riding escalator. like the apcg lunch outing to cafe cartel! and on an unrelated note, we also had the immense pleasure of asking for a table for 14.)

this actually shows the power of the subconscious mind, because usually that escalator is a down-riding one, but apparently (as the J8 people always love to do) they changed it.

on another unrelated note, it's quite scary how i actually can remember which escalators in J8 are usually going up and down. it just proves how little excitement there is out of school.

but i'm not complaining. it must be worse for the people who live in bishan.

anyway on to number 2.

2) i fell asleep. at a SHOPPING CENTRE. for 20 minutes. sitting on a bench.

more proof of my belief that among the things ri teaches you, one thing is to fall asleep in the most unimaginable of places.

sleeping on public transport just doesn't quite cut it sometimes. too common an occurence, if you ask me.

and i didn't really do a lot that day. open house. so i was basically milling around, (TRYING TO) talk to people i didn't really know, and all the while showing why exactly, my 2Q people, i am not going to win that bet. at all.

but at least the day was fruitful. got to see all the apcg/ex-classmate people! the day has arrived. now we can see each other on a more regular basis. =)

and more, of course. =)

but yes that's number 2 for you. and for the record, it wasn't J8, because it has a remarkable lack of places to sit down.

gosh i must have looked so terribly unglam.

3) i'm not particularly proud of number 3 (which happened today), but i shall say anyway:

hide and seek at bishan library.

ok this was plenty spastic/immature. but hey it was fun. and like the video mrs lim showed us today said, we should remain a child at heart (something along those lines).

and we weren't even very noisy. although our behaviour, naturally, was highly suspect.

all that because i had absolutely nothing better to do between 10.40 and 2. (eventually it turned out to be 3.30, but i spent the time in between with a sleepyhead, a playful boy and a playful/studious boy who was a slight sleepyhead)

and i thought going back to school was going to be really fun and less boring. (well it certainly beats staying at home, but even walking around the other side of the road and bumping into random teachers and juniors seems to be more productive.)

looks like i'll have to find time to kill in the next 2 weeks' afternoons.

(ZONGYI you want to go or nottttt. cannot all talk and no action.)

and finally, just because i haven't posted a picture for so long...

i shall!

and a poem shall be coming really soon. a rather twisted one heehoo.

but to the pictures.

the irrepressibly, irresistibly handsome ryan tan yi jie at jric! this one with my handphone camera.

another appearance. this time with his much better digital camera. although i was still the one holding the camera. (damn i'm good.)

but just so nobody gets too jealous...

a similarly handsome haozhi. i must apologise for the poor quality though, because i get terribly nervous and all shaky when i meet people who are bigger bossmen than i am.

(and oh, you know, about the egg thing, i realised that the beatles also make the same reference in "i am the walrus" when they sing "I am the eggman, they are the eggmen". =D)

and now, to train your eyes (which hopefully have not been irreversibly damaged from that onslaught) on something else.

note: it IS as bad as you think.

(bengoh you be having pirated copy. this be the real deal man.)

ok then till the next time. (hopefully saturday, because although i don't have any plans yet, i'll come up with one anyway.)

2009-01-12T20:34:00.002+08:00

one fine day, 3 months before taking a chinese exam, a little boy sat down to have tuition with his tuition teacher.

"my boy," said the tuition teacher, "you need to practice your compositions, because they are your weakest link."

the teacher thus proceeded to give the boy a question to write about, and it went like this:

more and more singaporean students are relying on the help of tuition teachers to score well in their examinations. discuss your views on this issue.

about 45 minutes later, the boy finished writing the essay, and he passed it to the teacher to have a look.

the teacher read the first paragraph, which went:

an increasing number of singaporean students are relying on tuition teachers to score well in their examinations. while we cannot say that they are wrong in doing so, we must also realise that employing the help of tuition teachers alone is not the key to scoring well. rather, it is the effort on the part of the student himself which matters most. after all, the tuition teacher cannot sit for the examination on behalf of the student.

the tuition teacher looked through the rest of the essay, nodded in approval, and smiled at the boy, saying, "well done. this is a wonderful essay, and the point made is so true as well."

the boy smiled back at the teacher. guiltily.

let's just say that a ticking off is not exactly the way i would like to have my results welcomed, thank you very much.

it's not like i don't give a shit about how well (or badly) i did.

at this point let's just consign this result slip to the inner depths of my messy room.

HIGH five.

2009-01-09T23:50:00.002+08:00

ok the last few days have once again been terribly jam-packed...

1. bintan
2. jric 2009

...but let's cover bintan first.

as you all may know, i went off to bintan from monday to wednesday, and let's just say i had lots of fun there. got to chat a lot with ex-classmates (mostly it was talkcock, but still it was good stuff), cracked and received a lot of jokes and much more.

i'm really really glad 2q'06 is still such a wonderful class to be around with. =)

the long and short of the trip was that:

i got pretty badly sunburnt after being in the sun (pool and beach) for a VERY long time on 2 days. so it wasn't a very nice thing to slap my back anytime between wednesday and friday, although i'm much better now.

i played A LOT of daidee. asshole daidee. and i was the asshole quite a lot. prompting a lot of jokes directed at me. haha but it was still funny. and i did rise to become king/queen a few times, so it wasn't that bad.

i realised how lousy my psychomotor skills are when i tried playing the wii. although they did show signs of improvement after getting used to actually playing the game as if it was in real life, rather than pushing buttons and waiting for the digital "me" to make a move.

i played quite a fair bit of pool/snooker. and i did quite well. =)

so all in all, wonderful trip, but a pity we didn't get to do too much else though. photos on facebook (some of them), so go see! =)

and poor zong yi. first it was talk about his fan club (HAHA. remember the haiku, limerick and the incriminating pictures!), then he got a sand spa treatment right on the beach. =)

my gosh 2q must have another class gathering sometime soon.

and after the bintan trip i (together with zongyi ernie and mr paul lim) tried to rush back to catch the 2009 orientation camp finale.

but we missed it.

=(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

never mind i still got to see my very accomplished psls. well done guys. =)

and in the end i would make up for it somewhat.

by going to jric on friday!

but before that by some wonderful coincidence i ran into mr lim in J8, who was there to check out the latest mini-laptop by sony. and OMG it looks really cool.

but back to jric.

although i did feel highly out of place wearing my black lasair shirt, i guess it settled quite naturally after a while, and i must say this:

the ceremony was quite fantastic.

the speeches were very very inspirational and food for thought, especially max's (i'm very proud of you, even if it's only for lugging that huge suit around), and it's the first time i got to see the new principal of this school up close. =)

and of course there was the usual high-ness at the end, with all the cheers and the dance. which is a really nice song to dance to by the way. very meaningful as well. everything on the day just tied in remarkably well, so kudos to you guys once again.

and afterwards there were various interesting events (taking photos on the auditorium stage! sorry if i didn't manage to take pictures using all cameras. i was REALLY overwhelmed) and of course,

there always needs to be a dunked person.

and this year it was max, but with a variation:

it was done in the canteen sink.

haha go read max's blog for more. terribly funny when it happened. =)

and then following that was a really nice dinner with the psls (who were still very high after all the action in school), and then truth or dare and lots of nice chit-chat.

and at the end of it, i guess even though i didn't play any part in this entire operation (except maybe on 1 dec - just a leeeeeetle beeet), like i told one of the psls, it's been really gratifying to see them through this watershed moment in their rafflesian lives.

all those smses i sent out may have been very predictable, and irritating even, but too much support never hurt anyone, and in the end they did great.

i guess it's just the feeling that in the end, this abstract thing called the rafflesian spirit is still burning strongly, after 185 years.

and it needs to burn even brighter than ever now.

i remember that just over 4 months ago i was talking to an eventual camp commander and an eventual spsl about this exact thing - being a psl.

and it's really gratifying to see that it turned out much better than i, the pessimist or practical optimist, envisioned it.

it brings back memories of my own 1 year ago and beyond, when i was busy with these exact details.

and it was a mind-blowing journey, and i haven't completely made sense of it yet. i even needed the help of my other psls to help me do that, and to that i'm very grateful.

so to the psls of 2009: to infinity and beyond? possible. way possible.

ok then that's a huge load off my chest.

pictures up later on i guess! (yes, it's ryan again.)

oh and speaking of ryan, i've found his new blog (well he told me), but for his privacy's sake it shall not be divulged. haha.

and orientation's going to start reallllly soon. wow.

o results coming out on monday! not sure what to feel about that.

2009-01-08T23:47:00.001+08:00

100th post! yay to me for making it this far.

i'm completely in the wrong mood to bang out an update, so it shall have to wait. but i promise there'll be a place for bintan, and a place for my old school, and the new one as well.

but oh wait.

they're now the same, what luck.

2009-01-04T14:34:00.004+08:00

hello everyone!

happy new year firstly. 3 days late too. ><

but i have a good reason because i was out of the country.

in sarawak! specifically sibu and kuching.

long story short, i enjoyed the trip thoroughly, i think both sides of my family are really cool people (although i'm hardly as cool as them yet),

and i even had time to meet titus in kuching (who was also there for family reasons)! what a stunning coincidence that is. and we didn't even meet at the airport. of all places we met at a shopping centre, which is even more rare and unlikely.

and i'm proud to say that on the trip i had quite a bit of time to think through things really nice and clear. (don't have much of a new year's resolution yet though. my journey in 2009 will take me places hopefully, and i want to be as surprised, yet thankful for the unique way things will pan out.)

this includes coming up with some preliminary (sketchy) ideas for poems and things like that (amongst the many i have swimming around in my cranium now, and plenty of which i will eventually forget/discard), so i hope i can keep to that promise of mine.

and for good measure, here's a little something rather relevant to that last poem.

enjoy 2009 people. will be back from bintan on wednesday (leaving tomorrow), and then i shall vomit out my mundane chronicles sometime then.

and to all my sec 4 juniors: hope you had a good first day, and have a wonderful camp! =)

2008-12-29T23:27:00.002+08:00

inspired by an extremely weird dream i had this morning. and i mean extremely.

untitled as of now. and very much still under construction, but i thought i'd just post it anyway.

and i just realised how terribly inexpressive i can be writing poetry sometimes.

not that i write prose much better (if at all). ah well.

At first sight it was you –
Your eyes twinkled like the stars in the sky,
Your skin soft as the fluffy clouds above,
Your body warm as the radiant sun –
It was only going to be you –
A godsend from the great vast heavens,
An angel amongst the many mortals,
A David to topple the mightiest Goliaths.

Then you looked into my eyes,
Blankly –
Deeply,
Truly.
As you came closer
Like a detector on a signal
My heart responded
Though my lips were weak,
And as we touched
And became
One –

to be continued

2008-12-27T22:05:00.002+08:00

it suddenly strikes me how incredibly stress-free this holiday period has been.

so unlike school.

and i just wish i could be around and about doing something. anything. meaningful.

haha and 1 year ago i would never have dreamed of saying all this at this time of the year.

haha just to update this blog which hasn't been updated for a while.

yesterday and today was spent with lots of friends (happy times!) so it's been good, but i'll be leaving on a jetplane for malaysia next tuesday, so i guess this blog will fall into a little bit of disrepair.

haha not that too many people come along anyway.

2008-12-23T23:58:00.002+08:00

as i promised.

Only Humans

An inch from this large sphere of twine,
Cut to size and magnified –
A red dwarf which brightly shines
Its centre full of raging pride –
A grand vision and noble mission
For lowly cells with shrill death knells.

We were never meant to be what we are –

A footnote in the annals of history,
Below Earth and air and fire and ice –
An afterthought to a beautiful story
When greedy gamblers roll their dice –
A facial mole, an ugly black hole
And many stakes for a slimy snake.

We let ourselves make us happen –

A corrupt “innocent” with tinted glasses,
Worse than meteors and living earth –
A bomb long blown as time slowly passes
Numbing us to our scourge and dearth –
The real deal and the fate we have sealed
Of a noble age, killed by hurt and rage.

But at our end, we must know who we are –

A change between good and better,
A middle with no beginning or end –
A tiny period in a word of many letters,
A name not borrowed and never to lend.
We arrived as zeroes and leave as heroes,
But our zeal is all surreal.

We’re humans – only humans.

We were never meant to be who we are –
We let ourselves make us happen.
But at our end, we must know who we are –
We’re humans – only humans.

2008-12-22T01:04:00.003+08:00

because guanlin still remembers all the hugs we shared (so sweet righttt. =D)...

TEN HOWS:

How did you get one of your scars?
i walked into a drain. TWICE. enough said.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
let's see... ok i'm going to cheat, but hey mine doesn't come that often you know.

29th: got inundated with about 1000000 smses from 1M wishing me happy birthday. other friends also chipped in! ms kuang and ms low did something really special for me, so thanks to them. unfortunately mr wong made me do my ss make-up test (missed it because i was doing PI) that afternoon. pfft.

1st: after some time-intensive re stuff, back to my house for a party! tons of fun yeah. so much so i even got a request to have another one in 2009. unfortunately the guy's math must be pretty poor. =P

How are you feeling at this moment?
bored (what did you think if i was doing this meme?), happy and pleasantly surprised (that guanlin remembers the hugs, which is why i'm actually doing this), and disappointed (that spurs conceded a last-minute goal to lose to newcastle).

How did your night go last night?
the night was very young, and also very well spent in takashimaya. christmas shopping at the last minute (like about 50% of singaporeans, it seems) you see.

How did you do in high school?
i hope i did fine.

How did you get the shirt you are wearing?
oh you mean this 2004 morrison house shirt? surprise me with a few theories won't you.

(ok fine it's my brother's. and it's nice and comfy to wear, and so i feel like a half-morrisonian, and i was also once asked (jokingly i hope) to do a publication for another house after i shot to fame doing blackmail, so shoot me.)

How much money did you spend last month?
a lot actually. a few taxi rides here and there, carebears galore and of course the pool sessions. about $200 all told?

How old do you want to be when you get married?
anytime is a nice time. love is timeless.

How old will you be at your next birthday?
your pick. 5 or 17.

NINE WHATS:

Your mother’s name:
Mdm Tsai Siew Fah

What did you do last weekend?
i was at paddy's market and darling harbour on saturday, and i was up in the clouds on sunday. then i was at home the rest of the time. really a very normal weekend.

What is the most important part of your life?
life itself.

What would you rather be doing?
I feel like finding a pot of gold from nowhere and buying FM 09 and playing it. I feel like playing soccer. Randomly. Its 11pm.
(that was guanlin's answer, and my answer to that is that you should really come over before you won't have the time next year.)
of course my answer now would be to sleep.

What is your most memorable thing done yesterday?
shopping. really.

What always makes you feel better when you are upset?
my friends. satisfaction guaranteed or your friendship back.

What is the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
whether she understands me. and trust me i think i need a fair bit of understanding.

What are you worried about?
almost nothing. it's so good to be free from a school.

What did you have for breakfast?
erm some pastries we bought the previous night.

EIGHT YOU’S

Have you ever liked someone who had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
erm yes, yes and no. go figure.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
not yet. it still beats a helluva lot, and very strongly too.

Have you ever been out of the country?
my weekend description proved that beyond any reasonable doubt i suppose.

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
yeah. like turning round when someone taps you on the shoulder? or looking round to see the "it's ok!" sign in your face and then feeling 2 punches in quick succession.

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
my back does hurt, but that's because i play pool too much.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
look, i'm 4 years old here.

Have you ever read an entire book in a day?
not any textbooks, that's for sure. but i can't remember.

SEVEN WHO’S

Who was the last person you saw?
my father. went off to sleep, deflated after that last-gasp goal.

Who was the last person you texted?
my brother, who wanted an update on the arsenal-liverpool game while he's in camp (it's 1-1 now, for the record.)

Who was the last person you hung out with?
erm. the people at the pb training camp?

Who was the last person to call you?
my father, last night. i'm not a very popular guy to talk to please.

Who did you last hug?
haha. GUANLIN! during the pb training camp. it was a BEARhug. =)

Who was the last person who texted you?
shayne, who is trying to help me see if some people can come over to my house. (see how the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place?)

Who was the last person you said “i love you” to?
well i guess it might be guanlin. or darius. i say this in passing sometimes.

SIX WHERE’S

Where does your best friend live?
scattered all over singapore. don't really have a best friend.

Where did you last go?
this is the third time i'm saying i went shopping at takashimaya i think.

Where did you last hang out?
excluding my overseas trip, it would have to be school. ><

Where do you go to school?
raffles institution.

Where is your favourite place to be?
i am highly compelled to answer school once again.

Where did you sleep last night?
at home. on my bed with my carebears.

FIVE DO’s/DOES (strangely there are only 4)

Do you like someone right now?
i like a lot of people.

Do you think anyone likes you?
If no one likes you at all you are damn sad. So the answer is yes.
(agreed.)

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
sometimes. but then it's hard to be someone else and keep what i want to take along from this life.

Does the future scare you?
yes. quite a fair bit.

FOUR WHYS

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
they're really nice to me, and they're really nice to be with.

Why did you get a myspace?
sorry. facebook is the in thing right now.

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
oooh that's an interesting question. why don't you ask them?

the best explanation i have is that they wanted me to be interested and eager to learn more about stuff. that's based on my chinese name.

Why are you doing this survey?
Bored. (terribly. but also because guanlin remembered my hug.)

THREE IF’S

If you had one super power, what would it be?
to be able to control other people?

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
perhaps. but then again life is a unique series of events, and if you change something at the start everything can end up so different.

If you were stranded on a deserted island and you could bring 1 thing, what would it be?
a good, dependable friend who can get us off together.

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
4 years is a very short time to have a fling, let alone a second one.

Would you ever shave your head for someone you love?
i think i'd look and feel better really. so yeah. why not?

ONE LAST QUESTION

Do you love someone right now?
can i love some people instead? like my friends and family.

----------------------------

ok yay thanks a lot guanlin. i promise to go easy on you when you do come over. =)

2008-12-20T01:16:00.001+08:00

ok this was just too good not to post.

good as in enjoyable and thought-provoking.

not necessarily a good ending or point that's being made.

you'll see what i mean.

2008-12-17T22:18:00.005+08:00

this is quite a brilliant little short film. film noir in fact. (rings a bell for you whose line addicts?)

(sorry if the embedded version doesn't show up too well. had to resize the screen to fit the page.)

and on another note, i hereby profess that i shall be writing more regularly, after my promises to myself to, quote, "f***ing sit myself down and write" failed.

now that all of you are witnesses, feel free to prosecute me if you judge that i'm guilty of not keeping to my promises. that really should be made unlawful.

sorry, feeling very punny all of a sudden. must be too much whose line is it anyway! (search it on youtube!) but then again too much comedy never hurt anyone (except for the people who peed their pants).

but back to the point - yes, that promise up there still holds. hopefully once every 2 weeks or so i'll have a good piece of prose/poetry for you, the faithful reader!

2008-12-16T22:11:00.003+08:00

time for a few memes and stuff.

T - You’re loyal to those you love. (not that i love too many people.)
I - You have a fine ass. (why, thank you.)
O - You are one of the best in bed. (well i do sleep a lot.)
N - You are dead sexy. (if i had a nickel for every time i heard that.)
G - You never let people tell you what to do. (sometimes.)

B - You like people. (duh. if not people, then inanimate objects?)
O - You are one of the best in bed. (thanks.)
O - You are one of the best in bed. (as if it needed repeating.)
N - You are dead sexy. (i think i sort of like this meme.)

K - You are really silly. (good point. i'm terribly immature at times.)
E - Damn good kisser. (of course. i practiced a lot.)
E - Damn good kisser. (don't you love the way it keeps repeating?)

A - You like to curse a lot. (true. at times.)
A - You like to curse a lot. (point taken.)
R - Fcukin Crazy. (yes, i am. the things i do...)
O - You are one of the best in bed. (brilliant.)
N - You are dead sexy. (right on the money.)

(courtesy of 2 blogs and an overwhelming sense of boredom)

A- You like to curse a lot.
B- You like people.
C- You’re wild and crazy.
D- You have one of the best personalities ever.
E- Damn good kisser.
F- People adore you.
G- You never let people tell you what to do.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.
I- You have a fine ass.
J- Everyone loves you.
K- You are really silly.
L- you live to have fun.
M- One to have fun.
N- You are dead sexy.
O- You are one of the best in bed.
P- You are popular with all types of people.
Q- You are a hypocrite.
R- Fcukin Crazy.
S- Easy to fall in love with.
T- You’re loyal to those you love.
U- You really like to chill.
V- You are not judgemental.
W- You are very broad minded.
X- You never let people tell you what to do.
Y- One of the best damn bf/gf anyone one could ask for.
Z- Always ready.

moving along...

Dear reader,

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it last year when you peed your pants, outside of your office and I saw you sit on my salt-beef bucket.
I’m sure you’re high enough to understand that your driving sucks.
I’m returning the couch cushions to you, but I’ll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory.
You should also know that I told in my confession today about the moose poaching and I’m scratching my ass as you read this.

With tears of sadness.

Aaron

Dear (_friend_),

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but (_1_). I think I realized it (_2_), (_3_) and I saw you (_4_) (_5_).
I’m sure you’re (_6_) enough to understand (_7_).
I’m returning (_8_) to you, but I’ll keep (_9_) as a memory.
You should also know that I (_10_) and (_11_).

(_12_)

1. What’s the colour of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White – I’m joining the Convent
Black - I dislike your eyelashes
Green - Our socks don’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re mean
Other - I’m in love with your cat

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February - Last year when you peed your pants
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my ass
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
October - When I quoted Forest Gump
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4. What’s the coluor of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put whipped cream on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5. What’s the colour of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other - The elephant in the corner

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs; Man
O.C.; Emotional
One Tree Hill; Open
Heroes; Frostbitten
Lost; High
House; Sly
Simpsons; Cowardly
The news; Scarred
Idol; Masochistic
Family Guy; Senile
Top Model; Middle-class
Annat; Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumbkid
Other - That your driving sucks

8. What’s the colour of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - Your Elton John poster
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from Vegas
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your car

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
C/D - The oil tank from your car
E/F - Your neighbour’s dog
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of that blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your glass eye
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
C/D - Never will forget that night
E/F - Always wanted to break your legs
G/H – Hate your cooking
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - Always will remember the pep talks
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – Am better off without you

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship is ruined
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Wine – Thanks for the Cocaine
Cider – I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Liquor - I chew on your earlobes while you sleep
Other – I’m scratching my ass as you read this

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex-change
England - Good luck in jail
Spain - Go drown yourself
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
France – With tears of sadness

wheehee. don't you just love the holidays?

2008-12-15T22:18:00.014+08:00

ok here we go.

an attempt to condense what's happened in the last 2 weeks or so into one long post.

(i'll be breathing a huge sigh of relief once this is done.)

ok so basically most of what happened happened on thursday the 4th of december, the day on which i spent 11 hours out of the house. almost seems like school all over again doesn't it. only that sometimes in school you spend the entire day there (plenty of times).

in the morning and afternoon was a pool session with the awesome foursome minus the little one.

and since it's been well-documented, let's just say it was rather enjoyable, as usual, and this time the magic dust stayed relatively controversy-free.

i think i might just want to be a pool player in future. (if my back wouldn't ache so much after all that bending over)

then after that it was back to school to deliver my "farewell gifts" to the prefects, who (by some strange coincidence) were having a training camp at the time. what timing.

ok but that wasn't the end of the story.

my time there included a game of soccer in which guanlin failed to concede, or rather only conceded because someone had distracted him earlier.

we even missed a penalty. (i say we because lousy soccer player, yours truly, was gently coerced into taking a penalty, and since my confidence was practically non-existent, theo and i decided to do it the arsenal way. flashback to game at highbury about 3-4 years ago, arsenal vs man city. pires and henry (i think) conspire to miss a penalty.)

and guess what? deja vu.

and in the end the score was just a shade higher than the premier league record of 9-0 which man united recorded against unremembered team (bradford?).

that also meant that punishment in the form of the xbox 360 would (and hopefully still will) come in due course.

and before that was interdepartmental games, and as usual it was captain's ball, and i played lousily and caught only 3 balls. pfft.

but anyway it was good to catch up with the people there. all of them, even the neps (amongst whom, i'm ashamed to say, i know few of as of now)

and this included the one and only ryan tan.

(taken on the morning of grad ceremony this one. it's a rarity.)

ok maybe not one and only.

at one point during our discussion in a room of prefects, with rtyj on my left and rytc on my right:

me (trying to speak to rtyc): ryan.
me (realising that there were two ryans): ryan tan.
me (realising that there were two ryan tans): ryan tan yu-chien...

needless to say i got a punch from ryan tan. the one in the picture up there.

but that's not the only thing i got from him that night!

i give as good as i get.

while walking to that room from the canteen:

me: so ryan, how do you feel about... being where you are now?
ryan: where am i?
me: in the raffles square.

ok that question didn't quite work did it.

but then of course he gave me this:

"everyone... is looking for aaron tiong - but aaron is still finding himself."
"i am you... and you are me... and we are each other." (something like that.)

and many more i'm sure which will roll off your tongue effortlessly, ryan.

i later learned the first quote was somewhat plagiarised from something ryan had said earlier to chander. tsktsk. heartbroken. < 3.

and after that i had a memorable time distributing my bear(hugs).

at this point it's appropriate to illustrate what i mean. (and yes, if you think i'm obsessed with carebears, i happen to have the exact same sentiments.)

the original carebears.

with their children now, who were delivered to their owners.

we are family. they are incredibly cute, don't you think?

if you're new to this blog, please don't think i'm slightly looney, sleeping with 5 personified carebears for what has been almost 10 months.

and hey, at least i'm fair.

sorry that i wasn't able to photograph the new generation carebears though! (the other 5 who aren't the carebears in the pictures) if ever by some chance they reunite i will not hesitate. =)

and that concluded a most eventful day, after which a spillover of events occured, ultimately ending in heartbreak.

(sorry shayne. i didn't need to do what i did, but when i did do it i failed, and that's not very special at all.)

that would be one of the last times i went to ri... but not the last yet.

later the following tuesday (incidentally also the day i went down under) i was in school again.

for ncc camp! (as a harmless ex-spec)

and in the end i didn't even spend most of the time in school. instead the specs who did come (and weren't bogged down by a meeting, coughcough) and max went off to toapayoh community centre to play some badminton.

whee. used to play it rather regularly when i was younger (and sadly, when i was rounder), but hadn't touched it much until this year.

and it was great stuff, but it wasn't terribly easy getting the booking of the court done, thanks to a rather unfriendly staff member.

however i'd like to think i saved the day, somewhat.

shikai&heezhi: basket! that indian guy doesn't like our faces or what... i'm sure courts booked until 10 at night. oh wait! let's try the other one... the chinese lady. (i don't know. is that somewhat racist?)
me: erm wait. let me try! i think i'll be able to charm the socks off that old lady...
shanzhi: eh, the socks might not be the only thing you'll be charming off her...

but in the end all the clothing stayed on. damn--- erm, i mean, thankfully.

so we got the courts, played a lot (and i missed some simple smashes. and i mean simple. like coming down from high in the air, 1cm across the net, and i missed it totally. repeat as many times as is necessary until game is lost), laughed a lot, shouted a lot (especially when playing with shanzhi against heezhi and shikai), talked a lot with everyone, and basically had a smashing good time, cringe-worthy pun absolutely intended.

seriously though, it's times like this you can't exchange for anything else. (and i could have stayed on longer too with the gang, if i knew the guy who was supposed to arrive at my house at 5 came at 6.30 instead)

but oh well it was time well spent (compared to what happens usually, i.e. facebooking and basically wasting a lot of time needlessly), which is most welcome. =)

and then after that it was down under!

it should be said that it's my 2nd trip to sydney, so maybe i shouldn't say too much, especially about how i flew there and back. (let's just say it was pretty damn good, and it wasn't in economy.)

ok rubbish that. i will talk about sydney, and aussieland in general.

it's a really nice and charming place you know. lovely weather (at least it's not 30 degrees all day), nice people, wonderful history, beautiful scenery.

i'm considering making it a second home. (my parents are, at least, and i certianly wouldn't object to that.)

and so here come the pictures. i'll let them do the talking, because as the cliche goes, pictures are talkative.

(all of them were taken on board a cruise ship, mainly because the rest of the time in sydney was spent mainly in shopping centres, and when we weren't shopping, i became terribly lazy and refused to even consider taking my phone out from my pocket.)

apologies for the bad photography and all. i know i'm not good at taking pictures - no need to rub it in.

and now here's some pictures from around ri!

this one is my personal favourite. it does look a bit like the 3rd floor has no walls along the walkway! illusions. o.0

ok then that's all i have (and finally i have found the drive to blog). more to come soon, hopefully!

2008-12-09T21:22:00.002+08:00

oh my god i'm flying off to sydney in less than an hour and i have not posted that post yet.

but worry not ryan. i may not have found myself, but i have found my cables, and will find the urge to blog in a short while.

seriously though, a post about the dramas of yesterweek will be on soon, and maybe one about sydney for you just dying to know.

and 10,000 visitors coming soon! wootz.

ok then not sure whether i'll be getting any internet access in sydney (i know i can, but whether it's free is another thing), so it may be goodbye for 5 days.

don't miss me too much! =)

2008-12-06T01:19:00.002+08:00

(sorry if i sound unlike me and all emo and sad and disillusioned with the world like an emo bloke who slashes his wrist. i really am right now, believe me, and it's not a valid excuse to transfer this to you, the blog-reader, but if i don't do it here and now, i'll probably continue down this dark path my life seems to be funneling into. and so i'm sorry for being so selfish, for putting myself first before you.)

i take that previous post back.

i will be posting today after all.

only that today as i know it (and as i have known it for the last 3 years), it's 1am, i am defying my parents' order to sleep (what's new?) and i just feel the pressing need to get things off my chest, move on with life and then i can be the happy person i've always wanted to be.

and at this point it's best for you to ignore this post if you didn't like the previous one. alternatively, if you would like to poke your nose around and understand my affairs, please do go on lapping this up like a thirsty dog drinking water. please don't offer me any sympathy either - that would just make me play up to you and secure even more assurance and condolences from you, and i definitely know that that would just make me worse than i already am.

ok, so no big deal, there was a rather nasty tiff at home, my parents will probably step onto this blog in the next 24 hours, read my post and dismiss it as greenspan would the subprime crisis, then lecture me about how inappropriate it is to air one's dirty linen in public view for all to point fingers at and say, "oh, i'm so glad i'm not as screwed up as him.".

it's all so predictable. yes, i know the consequences of what i'm going to do, so you can save your saliva on that lecture. i know people will know about us now, but hey, they deserve to know what i'm really like, don't they? then they can be forewarned, and avoid talking to me next time because i'm not worthy of their time.

and so before you jump out of your skins reading this particular post (i can almost hear your blood boiling upstairs! drink some liangcha, won't you. you seem to need it more often than i do!), and hurl some random accusation at me which is likely to be true anyway, let me just say something rational.

that is, if my self-acclaimed reputation (on this blog) for being a composed and rational being hasn't been irreversibly compromised by the above paragraphs.

the more i look at my word usage, the more this reminds me of the subprime crisis. yay for america and how it has royally screwed itself up its haughty haunches, and deja vu to us, ain't it sweet how the parallels fall into place so neatly.

but to the something rational.

sometimes i think we all need to be a little bit more:

understanding.
rational.
accepting.
sensitive.

and be a little bit less:

dismissive.
unstable.
stubborn.
impositional.

i say "we" because i'm guilty of it, as you may well know and have tried to impress upon me (yes, although i grunt and talk in a tone that rick astley would be proud of, my brain is actually switched on, only that if you wanted to see it, you might have to crack my skull first, and we all know the implications of that), but it's more than a little bit inaccurate to say that i'm the only one prone to all this.

i'm a highly willful character, as you may know. i just like doing things myself, my way, and if it isn't done that way, then we're all in for a bit of a ride - i believe my willfulness extends to a sort of fierce independence which i have absolutely no idea at all why i feel it being suppressed.

in addition, i tend to be fairly unstable emotionally. you should know, since i came back at the start of 2008 rarely early, sometimes unhappy and always tired. i know we all have long days at work, and that's perfectly fine, except if you want that work-life-family balance we all so often crow about like it's a personal mantra but yet crow about it is all we do.

but just because we have had long days at work and are feeling tired doesn't mean we can pass on the frustration to others by talking loudly or forcing them to do something their body just doesn't feel like doing.

and i know people always say that it's best to go to your limit, and beyond if at all possible, but my limit is usually reached fairly early in school, because i need to give my everything in school, and then i come home and i need to give some more. what, i didn't tell you of the day i slept in 5 of 6 academic periods?

yes, maybe i did put too much emphasis on school, but there are reasons as to why we're even arguing about all this in the first place (and i daresay at this point the catalyst for our incredible turnaround from "happy" to "dangerous" has been ri), which i, in my attempt to be rational, will talk about later. this academic paper is far from over, folks.

and we tend to override logic a lot, don't we? "what i say is final, so that's that." and then we all clam up into our little personal shells (consisting mainly of computers), with the little overlapping area being the car or the living room.

that's a pity, since all of our brains are going to waste.

for a family so inclined towards the mathematics and sciences, isn't it sad that we don't make use of our greatest asset - an ability to think logically?

gosh, i even presented on it in a little something called the "showcase portfolio" in august! under multiple intelligences, where i touched on something called "logical-mathematical" and "naturalist" intelligences.

an ability to reason is a common distinguishing factor between animals and the so-called superior echelon of organisms we tend to call "humans". and so a logical extension would be that if we aren't using our reason, then we are animals butting horns!

oh wait, there's a contradiction here, isn't there. it's too simple to not point out. if i'm accusing us of not having reason, yet i use reason to show all this, i'm reasoning on shaky ground, aren't i? it's a fallacy of reasoning, thank you to the sec 4s who chime in.

well having come so far in my little rant, let's just say the last thing we should be doing is to get all defensive about it and search for a convincing enough counter-argument to knock me down, shut me up and get me all emo and frustrated that despite my best efforts to patch up the ever-widening cracks which then break us up into little islands of thought and reduce us to a shouting match across the room in which all our words stop and drop dead abruptly within a 5-meter radius of the other parties.

like my year head 1 mrs lim always said (and she still does say), have an open mind.

take this as it is, accept what's going on over here, and work on it, rather than call me out to the living room, shoot my points down methodically and send me back in a messy heap of lost words, and enough tears to boil you a soothing cup of tea, minus the minerals and plus some tannins.

as it is, we're just building walls around ourselves to shield ourselves from the truth which everyone can see but ourselves. not just me, us.

so couldn't we just be nice for a while and say "mr tiong, tear down this wall.", and then i will, because i don't exactly want to come back to a place i don't necessarily enjoy every day?

and then maybe when we say "let's go out on the weekend", we might actually go out, enjoy ourselves, think that things really do stand a chance of getting better (as if they could get any worse!) and have a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

that's the kind of feeling i want to be at home and sensing.

not going to school to get it.

because that's what seems to be happening increasingly often.

yes, school is a big point of contention, isn't it?

maybe if you cut me open, i might not bleed love, but green, black and white.

you know, maybe that's what's wrong after all.

the whole idea as to why school seems like such a lovely place, a nice "home" to be in.

because at least in school, i'm treated like an adult. it's different from all those other schools (this has been told to me personally before, and i would like to believe it's true) - we may be the same age, but we do things in a different, more grown-up style.

in school, i make decisions, and i'm expected to bear the full consequences of everything and anything which might happen as a result.

being a PSL underscored that point perfectly.

in school, i learn how to fend for myself, and then based on the power of myself and my incredible friends, peers and teachers, i do things i could never have dreamed of doing 4 years ago.

and then what happens when i leave school?

i don't know, to be honest. the thought process seems to be the same but everything else is different.

and so that's my weakness, one among the many.

when i look at myself (figuratively), and really cross-examine myself and make sense of me, i see so many gaping flaws and weaknesses.

i don't like hypocrites, yet i'm one myself. the irony.

and so it's these flaws i really want to change, and i want to start where i need to change most - when i'm the "real" me and not a facade you see in school.

yes, i walk around under a guise of everything moral and nice. how sad i don't reveal myself more often, it gets a little bit tiring to put it up sometimes.

and after all that, and losing my thought process millions of times, we're at the end of this revelatory blog post, and i have said i know the repurcussions of this particular entry.

i may lose my friends.
i may distance myself more from my family. (the classic "when you do too much of something, the opposite of the intended effect happens" case)

but i guess when you consider that i'm really starting to find myself, i guess it's not too bad.

and i will consider myself incredibly lucky if neither of the above happens, or even if one of the two doesn't.

like i said, if you don't want to ruin your (perhaps) pristine impression of me, you should never had read this far.

but now that you have, and you know who i really am, i think that's a more stable foundation to rebuild everything about myself on.

on to happier things next time. yes ryan, i remember.

(selective) memory is definitely one of my strong suits.

2008-12-05T23:33:00.001+08:00

let's just say an already fragile and caustic relationship is now balancing dangerously on edge.

and that's all i'll say for today. yes, i promised a post, and i am fully aware of that (and i am fully aware of more things than you might care to list), but at the expense of sounding like a prissy pampered prince throwing a hissy fit and being repulsively vulgar,

i somehow think my life is fucked up.

or more accurately, i am causing my own life to fuck itself up.

2008-12-04T22:49:00.002+08:00

i'm really really a spent force (and i did spend A LOT of money over the last few days. see the last post) now, so i'll have to update tomorrow. (sorry if i let anyone down)

but for now, thanks for all the memories.

that, ladies and gentlemen, is why i love being a rafflesian, and you can call me silly or crazy.

but i don't care what they say - i'm in love with you
they try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth

till i get my energy back, hang in there! pictures will be coming soon, and ryan, i haven't forgotten your quote yet. =)

2008-12-03T00:44:00.002+08:00

today was simply too eventful to not blog about. (it would have been a crime, and it was so nearly one too)

ok the first part was fairly uneventful, and the most interesting part was meeting kieran (ong) while walking around bishan. (don't think he knows me though, but he did recognise me)

which was perfectly fine. and then lunch came along.

being (ever so slightly) healthy, i decided to head for subway for lunch.

and that choice proved to be a good one.

i was busy looking at whatever i wanted to order up on the menus. there was a caucasian guy standing in front of me, so i had to move around a little to see the menus, but he was looking at me and moving as i was moving.

and then he started speaking, and then my whole day changed.

at first, it was just a simple "hi. how're you doing?" before i HAD to order my lunch (being next in the queue after him and a local guy, who i sort of presumed was related to the other guy).

but boy, when you live in a place like singapore, and people aren't particularly gifted at striking up conversations with random strangers, it sure feels weird. and i did feel a little bit weird at first (i bet people were looking behind my back), but it wasn't too bad.

in fact it was really their own loss they didn't speak to the guy himself.

and something which happened ever so slightly later really struck me (and reminded me even more strongly of what yu da posted on his blog) that we singaporeans may be pretty accomplished and all, but we somehow lack a little bit of warmth and concern for the average guy walking down the street next to us.

and at this point you might want to consider reading the post.

but what exactly happened was that while the guy was having toppings to go with his sub, he tried to strike up a conversation with the subway guy, and the subway guy simply ignored him and went on with business.

granted, he might have been busy and engrossed with his work, but surely it's not too hard to even smile or answer "how're you today?".

(ok fine. i must be honest. i didn't have a stellar impression of the guy at this point, but it's not a bad thing to have happen to you, especially when you're not in a rush, so i thought i'd just take it as it came.)

taking it as it came meant that if i could, i would quickly have my lunch and be off with my business (which oddly enough included carebears again).

but of course, being the chatty guy he was (and i suspect this may be true for all caucasians in general), i didn't "escape" him on the way to my table.

and since i was alone, he and his friend (don't forget the asian dude man!) invited me to join him.

and then everything really kicked into high gear.

apparently, the caucasian guy (i'll just call him by his name now - rodney) was from malaysia and it seemed like he didn't really have too much on his hands (he was a teacher for english literature (woohoo!) for 22 years, and did some basketball stuff with a school in malaysia. he's a religious man too, so he occasionally gives speeches at churches and stuff like that), and really just stopping over in singapore to catch up with other people.

his friend, jonathan (the local one), on the other hand, worked with the comms department of "Focus on the Family" (that radio segment on 938Live) on the 8th floor of the office building opposite J8, and apparently quite a lot of student volunteers (i'm assuming they're from raffles) help out there. sweet.

and to cut a really long conversation (45mins-1h) short, it was a really enlightening and insightful conversation. and you don't have them too often either, so yeah it's definitely a memorable experience. we talked mainly about education stuff, but in the end there were life lessons on show too.

like how it's the most important to be a good person on the inside and not just on your report card.

and the importance of doing what you want to do, and not what you are wanted to do.

and really having a meaningful life, making good use of your time.

i'm really glad i got to talk to rodney and jonathan - it's really cleared my head about my future life, and how i replied "i wish i could say i was" to his question "are you married?". but seriously though - i may not know yet what i want my life to be, but when i do i think it'll be a good choice on my part.

it's really encouraging to hear from someone that you can do stuff or that it's good for you to do stuff (psychology). motivational power and all.

and of course there was humour everywhere, peppering the conversation (but it never for a moment stung) - rodney's shock to find that a chinese guy (like me) actually likes writing poetry in english (yes, i can almost hear the cries of outrage amongst you literature people out there), hearing him describe how he met jonathan (apparently, at a bookstore almost 8 years ago, rodney went up and started talking to jonathan, as he did to me, and it all took off from there), and the incredible fate which brought him and the people he met together.

but overall it was 100% meaningful. in more ways than one.

(what have we singaporeans been missing out on.)

and to cap it all off i got their details! so it's good to see we can keep in touch. =)

unfortunately, i had to settle my business (and settle it i did, leaving a huge hole in my pocket - a foreshadowing/precursor to what would happen later? o.0), and then after a thoroughly action-packed afternoon (which included seeing mr kwok and his friends in J8! but i didn't dare call out "mr kwok" - heard a few horror stories about teachers getting red-faced when called by their "teacher names" in public. ah well i can surprise him the next time i see him anyway.), it was time to go home.

or so i thought.

being the perennial sleepyhead and always running on some strange reserve which seems to end up inevitably with me needing to fall asleep before actual bedtime, i decided to take the bus instead of the train (well it was already my favoured mode of transport home anyway) so i could get a seat (and thus allow myself some needed shut-eye).

as it turned out extremely ironically, my desire to get a seat and get home comfortably led to an afternoon of wild proportions.

let's go through the normal routine first. i take 59 to bedok reservoir road, change to either 69/228 and end up at bedok interchange where i can walk to my aunt's house. almost foolproof (there are FIVE bus stops along the reservoir stretch. can't miss all 5, can you?).

so the first half of the routine was normal. got on the bus, got into a comfortable position and then promptly fell asleep.

when i woke up it was around eunos, and after another 15 minutes i got to the bedok reservoir part, and so i got off.

instantly after getting off i felt a problem. literally.

(time for a little philosophy lesson)

P1: my handphone was not in my pocket.
P2: i checked the time on my handphone while in the bus.
C1: my handphone was still on the bus.

i needed my handphone back (that's not a premise, unfortunately), so since i had realised all this within 5 seconds of getting off, i decided to run after the bus while it was within reach.

before this i must add that in retrospect, i now wonder why i didn't realise my handphone was gone even before getting off the bus. i should have felt (or not felt) it really.

back to reality though. so i was running after the bus.

BIG-TIME MISTAKE.

i did mention previously that my ankle was sprained, if you remember, and it definitely wasn't pain-free yet, but at that moment my handphone mattered more than my foot, so run i did.

i don't think i've run so fast this year as i did chasing the bus.

adrenaline sure does strange things to your body.

however, it was already a MISTAKE (that's the 3rd of the day, by the way) to chase after the bus in the first place, because it had a 200m headstart, and it was ever only going to grow, and i wasn't any x-country runner or a sprinter, so i was left feeling really scared.

before i realised that the next thing i should do was to chase the bus in something faster (taxi), or go straight to the terminal (changi village).

as luck would have it, i only managed to hail a taxi 5 long minutes after getting off the bus (and i also failed in trying to get the license plate of the bus in that time), and i had no idea where 59 would go in reaching changi village, so straight to the terminal it was.

i tell you, it was a mighty nervous ride to that bus terminal. not just because my wallet had been bled dry from the business at J8, but because my handphone was at stake. and my handphone is the next most important thing to my computer, which sadly is not a portable version, and neither can it call my contact list.

but after 15 minutes i reached changi village, and thank goodness the fare was payable, so it wasn't too bad (barring the obvious fact that my handphone could be anywhere but in my bag or pockets).

so after asking the bus captains at the interchange, it was another nervy 15-minute wait for the bus i had taken to come in. although they did give me food for thought when they said i should have chased the bus in the taxi, which i could have done, given the exact route of the bus is plastered at every bus stop.

the lesson here is: never take things for granted. that piece of paper at every bus stop made me feel absolutely horrible for 15 minutes.

eventually, the bus came in, and i hopped on board to check if my phone was there (hoping against all odds that it was).

and of course it wasn't. way too optimistic of me.

the next course of action was then to call my phone, and hope that someone would pick up.

and to my absolute relief, someone did.

the good news was that a good samaritan had retrieved my phone, and so i had a chance of getting it back.

the bad news was that that same good samiritian was leaving singapore (what luck i have, i might have thought) at 4.30pm. and the time was 3.30pm. and there's no direct service to changi airport from changi village. (same name, no link ><) and i definitely had less than enough money to even make it onto the expressway to the airport by taxi.

but of course taxi was to be the only option. and i figured i could get the taxi driver to wait while i got my phone back, and then drive home where the money was.

so to the airport.

at 3.45pm i was at the airport, and the meter was already enough to make anyone feel pained at paying it, and of course it would continue rolling as i went in to meet the lady.

(i covered all distance on foot by running the minute i lost my phone, by the way. i really must have run quite a lot, at the expense of a normal-feeling right ankle)

eventually, after another painstakingly slow 15 minutes, the lady finally arrived at the meeting point in the airport, i got my phone back, i profusedly thanked her, and we were on our seperate ways.

and then the trip back was fairly normal (for once, and at last), but in the end the fare was over 20 dollars. OUCH.

but then again, considering that the total cost of getting my $188 phone back was less than $30, i'm definitely not complaining about losing the money. relief surely, disappointment that it really could have been avoided, but it's a lesson learnt, and well learnt at that, at a much lower cost than a handphone.

reflections:

1) what a way to get your daily dose of exercise and your pulse racing.

2) my right ankle held up pretty well amongst all of that, so yay for it, but i'm sure that running so much can do it absolutely no good at all.

3) i haven't told my parents about either incident (sprained ankle, nearly losing my handphone). or i would probably be grounded, and they might suffer a heart attack.

4) for the tremendous number of mistakes i made in retrieving my phone, it's really incredible that i got it back. of course i had to mop up the PR mess it left behind (as i went along, and after i got back), but that's really secondary to the fact that my phone now sits (safely) beside me, when for an hour or two i thought i might never see it again.

singaporeans may be rather aloof and all, but at least some of them are honest.

to a lady named shirley out there who's probably overseas right now - THANK YOU SO MUCH.

thanks too to the bus captains at changi village and the 2 taxi drivers who ferried me around! couldn't have done it without them.

and of course, thanks to you the bossman, for keeping your cool in those smses! it's really... interesting what kinds of things have happened between us over the last 2 days, wouldn't you agree.

lesson learnt:

never wear shorts to school AGAIN. and if i do, my handphone will either be in my bag or firmly in the palm of my hand.

but seriously though, i really must be more careful and attentive to these situations.

no point being all rah-rah and stuff like that if you can't even take care of yourself properly.

and now the whole world knows how close i came to losing my handphone, so you may feel free to laugh now.

2008-12-02T01:25:00.002+08:00

i think it's high time i chronicled what happened over the last few days (culminating really quickly. almost too quickly).

so it all started on friday afternoon, when i decided that i would like to play a game on monday, and needed some number mats (the kiddy rubber version would suffice), from 1-30.

PLAN 1: laminate 30 sheets of paper with numbers on. unfortunately, at $2.50 a piece the price was a tad to steep.

PLAN 1 FAILED.

PLAN 2: purchase similar mats from stores like toys r' us. a quick scan through their catalogue revealed nothing vaguely similar.

PLAN 2 FAILED.

(by this time it was friday night at about 10pm)

PLAN 3: ask around and see if anybody had the number mats. some people did, but unfortunately none to my exact specifications. ><

PLAN 3 FAILED.

PLAN 4: e-mail ms lily to ask for the number mats used during apcg. but i forgot that it was a 5-day work week, and she was away anyway until the monday of the game.

PLAN 4 FAILED.

(saturday, 1am. getting slightly desperate)

PLAN 5: sms joy, one of the apcg youth leaders, to ask for the number mats and where they got theirs. joy replied that it was diy by one of the volunteers.

PLAN 5 PARTIALLY SUCCESSFUL. but overall, it still FAILED.

PLAN 6: DIY. period.

the ultimate back-up plan, in case i failed at DIY (which i had no intention of using until monday morning) was paper.

fast-forward to saturday, 1pm.

what exactly happened on saturday afternoon was this:

i made a pitstop at spotlight at about 2pm, to search for materials on the advice of theo. i spent about half an hour looking at all the materials (and getting a little bit more desperate when all i saw were cloths at first) before finally stumbling upon something which looked like the material used at apcg.

a little ray of hope.

the assistants at the section, however, replied that i would have to test it first if i wanted to know if spray-paint would work on these things, and so i heeded their advice and bought the one roll at first. enough only to make 10 numbers.

at 3pm, i was in school and busily testing the spray paint. and lo and behold it worked!

so i had to make another trip down to spotlight to get the remaining materials. ><

4pm: back at spotlight, but the process was way faster this time.

5pm: back in school with all the mats at my hands.

PLAN 6 SUCCESSFUL, surely. barring any calamities.

next problem: the mats were in a 1.5m roll, so i had to trim them to size, but being the perfectionist i am, i simply had to trim them absolutely properly.

and it's here i am forever indebted to the floor tiles of the ripb room.

the width of the rolls were 30cm (exactly the same as the floor tile dimensions) and since numbers look good on squares, i simply had to use the tile as a guide and cut away.

so at slightly after 6pm, all the mats were ready for action.

next problem/realisation: i forgot to bring any templates to spray on. more evidence of my perfectionist nature.

so i had to adjourn until sunday, but either way saturday was a big day.

and a shower rarely ever felt as good as the one on saturday.

sunday, 11am: having printed out the templates the day before, it was time to start cutting away.

by 1pm, after a few delays and distractions (and some help), eventually the templates were all done and i was finally ready to produce an actual number mat.

so at 1.30pm, the moment of truth. would the number mat hold up?

the answer was a resounding yes. and the sheer delight and relief i felt was quite something i've never felt before.

but of course i had to be careful about ruining the porch area, so it was slow-going until about 4pm (i was only up to 15 out of 30 mats). then a little break (to get some carebears! yes, you should know what for, bossman. =D).

and thanks to the help from my entire family (who had more reason than ever before to think i had a bit of a screw loose to be doing all this) the job was finished by 7pm.

and of course drying and all took time as well, but thankfully everything wrapped up before 10pm on sunday night.

whew. close shave that one.

and yes, again, that night's shower was almost like rain in the desert.

and then on monday it was time to rock and roll.

well we'll skip straight to the number mats' use actually. it took all of 30 minutes before they went back into the bag they had come in, but the response to those 30 minutes more than made my 2 days of effort worth it.

and there was one final additional cost i had to shoulder (or rather, leg) - twisting/spraining my ankle while doing a dry run of the game.

my right side still feels shorter than my left. o.0

but more on monday now.

it was really the perfect combination between the psl and the apcg experience (the best of both worlds, almost), and yes the lack of girls might just have made it a little bit less fun, but still i'm really glad that i chose to do what i did in the first place.

live life without regrets, they say so often.

and i'm a firm believer of people power. anyone around would have seen that.

and the people really did make the difference.

and mind you, i learnt a great deal from that session myself. especially from yuda - respect to the dude man.

i just hope that in the end i really did make a difference, in some way, which would sort of make up for my own shortcomings.

i don't really like to say this too often, but i think i will make this one exception.

i'm really proud of myself.

and of course i'm immensely grateful to a few people through this incredible journey (especially over the friday-to-monday stretch):

the people who helped me search for the number pads, and actually cared about me enough to help. - charles (and for your nick)! theodore! nicchee! danieltay!

honestly, in times of need, these people make you feel lucky to have them. and i am incredibly lucky.

the people who came down to do the business. - yuda! kengchee! theodore (again)! thanks a million times over until my saliva runs dry and i need my liangcha again.

and of course, the juniors who came down to listen to whatever we had to say. it really heartens me to know there're people still like this in ri.

and so two conclusions from today:

1) i lied to a few of you. knowingly.

2) and i was wrong about all of you. and i'm glad i am.

and so ends the epic adventures of the number mats.

they sit pretty comfortably in a neat pile near the staircase now. and i just hope that a year from now, they'll find a suitable use, once again.

there's so much more i want to write, but some things are better left inside. i'll need to make sense of them fully before i can pass them on anyway.

but yes, people continue to ask me the same question, and my answer will always be the same.

"i don't know. it's just the way it is."

ok then it's 2am and my eyes are bulging out (and my right leg is crying out for a rest) so till the next interesting bit of holidays come about, so long.

(and i think i'll be off to sydney! 9-14 dec.)

2008-11-27T23:39:00.002+08:00

ok people. time for an update.

last saturday was spent out at dhoby ghaut! had lots of fun with the ncc peeps at sakae (zaw and the lunch/lan saga, nelson and the weird guessing game...), lots of laughs and the only sad thing was that so few people from our batch were there.

ah well another time i guess.

another time to meet up is probably also because they would like to rematch with me in a pool game (i'd be more than glad. =D) after... a most satisfying time in the concorde (formerly the meridien) pool place.

and not all pool places are sleazy, gangster-ish places, so yay for concorde.

monday was also spent out. also in the orchard area.

went to school first to settle some school stuff before going out to lunch!

lunch was at wheelock place with an ex-classmate (from pri school) and our ex-teacher ms cheng! just came back from hongkong apparently, and she remembers us like we were in her class yesterday. (she likes to call me bahroooooooooooooooooo. ><)

so lunch was spent at a japanese place (again. this one was expensive though) and yeah, it was a really good 2 hours just talking about stuff in general.

we really must meet again! board game cafe hehe. =D

but then after our teacher left things started to go a little bit pear-shaped.

on a sidenote, it seems like A LOT of people i know are falling/have fallen in love left, right and centre. as if there were a shortage of beautiful girls on this planet.

(ok maybe there are. depends how you define beauty though. theo this may be blog post material!)

and i am utterly incompetent around people. especially females. that monday outing showed it pretty clearly.

so maybe i should pick up a few skills from them so i won't be so disadvantaged.

ok i'm JOKING. you know i am.

right?

MOVING ON.

tuesday and wednesday were spent doing nothing as usual. but thursday was pretty packed.

went to school early in the morning to play soccer (ohyes.) with what i thought would be 20+ 4K people, but in the end theodore, shanzhi, shanquan, jianxiong, danieltay and kristian were the only people around before i had to leave.

still it was good just touching the ball again. and getting (some of) my confidence back.

but i am terribly out of shape. i played for barely 20 minutes and i was already feeling the strain. big time.

gosh i'll never survive the cage if 1) i do go and 2) i don't work on it.

so yes that sheds some light on my old pm. =)

after that i went off to join some 4A people for a movie outing/birthday celebration! (happy birthday jaryl if you're reading this!) the movie was pretty ok i guess, except that sh... (one of my many "accidental" slips of the tongue) was rather late. but in the end we didn't miss anything but crummy old ads, so yeah. =)

and lunch, for the record, was japanese. yet again.

heh what happened next as we were commuting to dhoby ghaut (where i revisited the lovely pool place of concorde) was most interesting.

it also proves how small singapore is.

as we were leaving orchard for dhoby ghaut we saw shoujian! out to meet some frienda apparently. what a pleasant surprise.

but that wasn't the end - at dhoby ghaut i saw shenghao! strangely enough around the same area where we had gone out on saturday. and he was there to fix his phone, not to play pool, although i was, so i was seen to have lied about the regularity of my visits to pool parlours.

on a sidenote, i am really itching to play pool with someone now. anyone.

pool was fairly exciting, as usual - as you can guess from the tagboard nicchee and i thrashed queen slut and birthday boy 8-0 (although they claimed to have won 2 racks, but either way...).

and after that there was even time to go out for dinner (with my parents) and watch some tv (don't forget the lyrics is strangely appealing! and i actually know some of the lyrics up there even if i don't listen to a lot of songs) before stoning at the com and typing this word-heavy post with NO PEEKZHURS. DARN.

ok must camwhore more. but doesn't that mean i'll have to put a cross in:

[ ] Taken a picture just for the sole purpose of putting it on myspace/friendster/facebook

ah well. but reading further on...

(not photogenic sorry guys.)

which reminds me, because soon my eyes will disappear from my face permanently. MUST WORK ON IT. (amanda my eyes remind me of yours!)

wonder if typing O.O will help though. ><

2008-11-26T22:27:00.003+08:00

first up, being really bored AND in need of a solid update:

a meme.

[X] I'm afraid of silence. (depends on the situation, but probably yeah)
[ ] I talk A LOT when I get really nervous.
[X] I am really ticklish! (fairly)
[ ] I'm afraid of the dark. (when I was small?)
[ ] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.
[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is open.
[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is closed.
[ ] I am afraid of gay or lesbian people.
[X] I believe in true love.
[ ] I've run away from home. (came really close to though)
[ ] I listen to political music (does "obama" ("umbrella" parody) count?)
[ ] I collect comic books.
[X] I shut others out when I'm sad. (depends on who the "others" are)
[X] I've stayed out all night.
[X] I open up to others easily. (if the other is a close friend, yeah)
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world. (oh most definitely yes.)
[X] I watch the news. (not consistently though ><)
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs. (hate rap!!)
[X] I love Disney movies. (sweet :D)
[ ] I am a sucker for green eyes.
[X] I am a sucker for brown eyes. (i certainly wouldn't mind)
[ ] I am a sucker for blue eyes.
[X] I don't kill bugs, unless they irritate me. (heeheehoohoo.)
[X] I curse. (infrequently nowadays.)
[ ] I have an "x" in my screen name.
[X] I've slipped and fell in public.
[X] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I bake well.
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class.
[ ] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I want a better job.
[ ] Talked on a phone for 6+ hours.
[ ] I love Dr. Phil.
[X] I like multiple people. (duh. i have many friends.)
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. (hardly. i prefer informality.)
[X] I am self-conscious.
[X] I love to laugh. (whose line is it anyway! xD)
[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. (strepsils!)
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[X] I have a lot of scars. (PHYSICAL, not EMOTIONAL please.)
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. (just don't BUG me.)
[X] I love chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[X] I am not comfortable with being me. (sometimes.)
[X] I play computer games when I'm bored.
[ ] Gotten lost in the city.
[X] Thought of suicide before. (fine, i'm an emo kid.)
[ ] Seen a shooting star. (on tv? ><)
[ ] Had a menage a trois. (no thank you.)
[ ] Gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] Have kissed someone really strange. (wish i had the courage.)
[ ] Hugged a stranger. (i don't think so.)
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of a diff. sex.
[ ] Been in a fist fight.
[ ] Been arrested.
[X] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose. (water, thankfully)
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[ ] Swore at Liberace.
[X] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose. (kneed. didn't feel much though.)
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[ ] Gotten stitches. (thankfully not.)
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] Bitten someone.
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[X] Gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] Crashed into a car.
[ ] Been to Japan. (I wanna go!)
[X] Ridden in a taxi.
[ ] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired.
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date.
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach. (o.0)
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[X] Been to Europe. (italy!)
[X] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee. (during camps, sure.)
[ ] Been to New York.
[ ] Been married (we're a bit young for this.)
[ ] Gotten divorced (younger still.)
[X] Saw someone/something dying. (figuratively)
[ ] Have a list of people you want to kill.
[ ] Been to Canada.
[X] Been on a plane.
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar or club.
[X] Eaten sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[ ] Taken a picture just for the sole purpose of putting it on myspace/friendster/facebook (not photogenic sorry guys.)
[ ] Been ice skating (JOOU DID YOU BULLY GEOFF OR NOT?!? xD)
[X] Cried in public.
[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed. (not that kind of suicidal.)
[ ] Been at a party and instead of giving out your phone number you give them your myspace name and say look me up.
[X] Thought of someone a lot lately. (oh yeah.)
[X] Hate the world. (for all the pain they bring to themselves, yes.)
[ ] Love LIKE someone who doesnt realize it. (if it reads as i think it should, then yes.)
[ ] Have your cell phone permanently attached to your hand/hip (no it's more often on the floor.)

ok who am i kidding. more about what's been happening in my life (like you would want to know really) in a SOLID post coming soon! (like tomorrow? ><)

2008-11-22T00:45:00.002+08:00

usually, on a school day, the first thing i do when i enter the toilet is (in order):

1. wipe my face.
2. wet my hair.
3. comb my hair. (although i tend to be rather lackadaisical in this)
4. brush my teeth.

and just a few minutes ago, as if to prove how much school has become a part of my life:

i went into the toilet and unconsciously started doing all of the above. before i knew it the towel was in my hands, my hair was wet and the comb was within reach.

i scared myself a little there.

but other than that today's been normal, and tomorrow's not (because i'm actually going out for the first time this holidays to have fun!) so yeah, an actual post coming soon.

2008-11-19T23:36:00.003+08:00

this comment on my apr makes me feel downright guilty.

under "English Literature":

Aaron is a ... student. He ... has put in much effort to excel for Lit.

I hope he will continue to pursue this discipline because he certainly has the heart to be a humanist!

and what am i taking in rjc? BCME. (for the record.)

i don't spy an L.

what a difference a day makes eh. or could have made.

and speaking of english lit, from sec 1 i have this certain splendid memory (this phrase is hereby shamefully plagiarised from a certain eminent british politician) of a poem, rather a song, which our then teacher ms chim read/sang?!? to us.

i think. i seem to strongly associate this song with our english lessons then.

Cat's In the Cradle

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking before I knew it and as he grew
He said, "I'm gonna be like you, Dad,
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin home, dad, I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then.

My son turned ten just the other day
He said "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on lets play
can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do" He said "Thats okay"
And then he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm going to be like him"

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, dad, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Son,
You know we'll have a good time then.

Well he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile

"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad,
You know we'll have a good time then.

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day........
I said "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said "I'd love to Dad, if I could find the time.
You see my new jobs a hassle, and the kids have the flu.
But It's sure nice talking to you, Dad,
It's been sure nice talking to you........"
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me,
My boy was just like me..............

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin home, Son, I dont know when,
But we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then.

and maybe, just maybe, some people out there feel that songs of today have less "substance" than those of yesteryear.

in 1974, this was the #1 song in the USA.

in the new millenium, the top songs include Touch My Body and Glamorous.

hardly on the same emotional wavelength as a good number of the oldies.

ah well i seem to rant on about a lot of things nowadays.

2008-11-17T14:03:00.002+08:00

history buffs, this one's for you.

the original version: Billy Joel - We Didn't Start the Fire (1989)

the singaporean version: Hossan Leong - TalkingCock in Parliament (2006)

2008-11-16T18:56:00.002+08:00

it's time to update my blog isn't it.

so let's start where i promised to leave off! with graduation ceremony.

ok admittedly i didn't feel totally emo during the ceremony, but i'm not going to force myself to feel something i "should" be feeling - maybe i'll look back and see that it was really significant.

ah well the effects of merger.

but really the ceremony wasn't too much to shout about, other than our dearest guest-of-honour's advertisement for the boon lay youth club.

oh and it was one last chance for me to see my juniors before we leave for the junior college section, and well it's going to be a pretty long time before i get to see them again, and they've been very nice to me (even if i haven't been too nice to them, especially all of them), so i'll remember you guys.

ah well it was sort of emotional i guess. but not in the teary kind of way.

and i must say that the cheering and singing was possibly the best i've ever heard in my 4 years here.

after graduation ceremony was class chalet!

had quite a bit of fun for this one. especially the gaming portion of it. =)

i went half-crazy during the saturday night card session (and i went all croaky a la psl cheering sessions) and it was great stuff to see lots of people (even the scholars came down to pasir ris from boarding) getting together for the last time.

sad that the teachers couldn't come though.

and i must say that mdm cai isn't as bad as we thought she is. we've fairly villified her haven't we, but yes she is still prone to those mood swings.

sunday was avenue q and grad night! great stuff this one.

avenue q was a good chance to reunite with all the apcg people! plus a few others, including a certain claire whom i had met under the most random of circumstances.

this is how it went:

after hmt o's i was walking around J8 when i bumped into theodore, who happened to also be walking around for no real reason.

then as we were standing outside popular this happened (theo! i'm still not sure what to say xD):

me: maybe the 4D people (who had been walking around before going to catch a movie) are down there. (i pointed to the 2nd floor atrium where there was a sale going on)

theo: (pointing to a area closed off by curtains) is that a changing room?

well all would have been fine and good if firstly, it looked as if there were more clothes on sale, and secondly (more importantly), it wasn't an open-top area.

and as we were busy reenacting the scene (for lack of anything better to do) claire walked past! and so we got to know each other.

on a sidenote, i so need to get to know more people in my batch.

ok so long story short, theodore introduced me to claire, claire came along on sunday to watch avenue q.

(semi-theatre review coming up)

"avenue q" was terribly hilarious, although it didn't do itself too many favours by petering out ever so slightly after the intermission. seemed to run out of ideas, judging by the ending songs which were remixes of previous ones. then again it's not easy to maintain the level of performance after a break, although this was something "the pillowman" achieved superbly with its chilling story of "the girl who wanted to be jesus" right after the break.

and in always keeping a keen eye (or ear) out for thoughtful laughter (meredith ftw!), "avenue q" didn't really excel there, although as mr kwok pointed out in his own review (much better than mine i'm sure), some songs were rather emotive and had a rather more tender touch than the others.

enjoyed the dirty bits thoroughly (i must admit) though. even the dirtiest amongst us were overwhelmed (and bowled over) by the barrage of sick songs, which says something, and of course the audience obliged with thunderous rounds of applause.

overall, i'd say it's a pretty good show, and a good way to spend a sunday afternoon. =)

the only regret?

NO PICTURES even though i had my camera all ready for camwhoring.

oh well but facebook saves the day! thanks aaron. =)

after avenue q it was off to grad night!

haha it was really enjoyable. it's the last time our batch is going to be together, and what a time it was.

loved all the weird costumes (bryan glenn and sungming among others!) and the atmosphere was just awesome.

ok everyone's stolen what i want to say...

except that not everyone got their picture up on the slides! =)

yes the infamous "ash ketchum" photo strikes back! although some people say i look rather punkish.

thanks to KATE for the picture! and whoever happened to be holding on to kate at that point in time and take the picture (i couldn't see without my glasses), and whoever said i looked like ash ketchum! xD

my gosh all the memories of kate (the 51st facil! xD) and apcg are flooding back. love it.

but back to grad night, it was totally fun (especially the songs! gosh the batch went a little crazy during that) and the ending. emo yet incredible.

photos on facebook! lots of them (not too many from me though), trust me, but i'm too lazy to tag my own >< so i'll need some help hehe.

and that ends the post i promised! i'll be back with other stuff soon so yep stay around and enjoy the hols.

2008-11-12T22:21:00.002+08:00

i've said this for what feels like a million times before, and i still don't understand why i still have to say it again.

i appreciate what my parents do for me, no doubt. i may not show it, but that is no reason for them to deliberately make me show it.

what do you think i am, a empty template waiting to be stained with the most obvious pastels?

wrong combinations can be absolutely hideous.

it's interesting how i was talking with one of my teachers (strange how i do so much of this these days) and she was talking about parents.

and she, being a parent herself, said that if parents try too hard to control their children, it ends up having the opposite effect.

basic human psychology isn't it?

yet i wonder how some parents can manage to overlook this notion sometimes.

yes, i think i'm becoming more independent (fiercely, in process and as a result). although i still depend on my parents for basic necessities, i try to keep them to the most basic, and i tend to settle the rest myself.

and being (fairly) prudent with spending money, it really irks me to see money being wasted, at home of all places, where i can at least do something to stop it.

enough of this issue i think. it's not leaving anything vaguely constructive and positive behind, it's a repetition of what i've been saying before, and nobody likes to read this kind of a bitchy trashy monologue.

but that's the exact point, isn't it?

i want to be constructive and positive about my life.
it may be repetitive, but it makes perfect sense from my point of view.
nobody likes to read this kind of a bitchy trashy monologue. including me.

this is one of the few times i wish my parents (more specifically _______________) would just read my blog, be more receptive to an alternative viewpoint, and actually listen me out without dismissing me straightaway.

it gets particularly tiresome sometimes to be a child, believe me, and sometimes we get an even shorter end of the stick than our parents do, no offence to them.

enough's enough for tonight i think. my heart aches, and i mean it. in case you were still wondering.

2008-11-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

hey guys!

back from grad ceremony and grad night over the last few days (with class chalet and avenue q sandwiched in between)! it's been hectic, but i promise i'll go through each and every one of those events.

but not now! got an industrial attachment this week all week, so i'll try to find time in between i guess.

keep visiting! and love you guys from the batch of 2008. <3

2008-11-04T20:20:00.016+08:00

my blog has become inundated with words (and sad ones at that) of late, so let's get into the mood for some peekzhurrs.

YES i have my own picture of the apcg gathering! and it's of fik, what ho. thanks so much for being a good sport and coming down during your fasting period! (and zaki too of course)

the great irony, of course, is that i didn't take this picture, being absolutely drained (and so sound asleep) from ncc camp and a make-up math cct earlier in the day and the day before. but hey it's on my phone so many thanks to whoever took it! =)

artistic? absolutely not. a result of boredom? hell yes.

a valiant (but ultimately epic fail) attempt at taking a close-up picture of a dead mosquito on my table. wonder how it got there in the first place.

another fail attempt at an artistic shot. at least my pikachu sits pretty. =)

the winning group from the sec 4 dramatisation. kieran's smoking oh dearie me.

max and chander studying (NOT) in the library during the eoy period. not at that point in time at least.

the time on the clock is 12.55 AM, not PM. that name tag winnie the pooh is holding is from sec 1 orientation, how sentimental.

coming back from sungei buloh (and the end of our re woes) in a lorry! this was after the kranji express pangseh-ed all of us and this uncle driving the lorry was nice enough to give us a lift to choa chu kang. 这分明显示新加坡社会仍然充满温情。 (in the mood for chinese now aren't we? good luck for o's everyone!)

mr law in the lorry. (alternatively, spelled law-ry.)

jonlim at rafflesian spotlight rehearsal! trying on some look-cool glasses.

the sec 3s at today's year head assembly! doing something pretty special. kudos to mr law for giving his batch such a special celebration. =)

the balloons mr law provided for the sec 3s released into the sky.

a "rare" shot of the un-photogenic bengoh. or so he claims.

and finally.

this photo just about sums up the feelings about the merger. it was on the bridge between ri and rjc, soon-to-be (sadly) ri(ss) and ri(jc) - don't know whether it's still there though.

that's all for now!

to end off, here's a line you might just consider saying in future. something along the lines of "i lost my number. can i have yours?", but something tells me this is a little itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny (yellow polka-dot bikini) bit less lame.

i don't mind being a drug addict, as long as you're willing to be my drug.

cringe-worthy, wasn't it?

16 more hours to freedom!

2008-11-03T22:55:00.004+08:00

i don't usually want to judge people. it's very easy to form biased opinions of people that way. and then it becomes almost too easy to spoil relations with those people.

but i find myself being more and more judgmental these days.

this whole issue seems so literature-ish.

and i feel like a gulliver. won't bother elaborating further.

there are two kinds of gifted people in this world.

those who manage to develop their gifts in a suitable environment.

and those whose gifts conflict with their environment.

everybody's gifted; just that human institutions (of academia, sport, art and so on) selects for specific gifts which not everybody is entitled to possess (given genetic and environmental variation).

resulting in a perception that some people are un-gifted.

so which kind of gifted person are you?

which kind of gifted person am i?

feel free to rubbish that theory by the way. it's highly unlikely that a young kid like me can come up with something like that in just 5 minutes.

i think i need someone to talk to. seriously. seriously.

2008-11-01T12:49:00.004+08:00

my gpa hasn't been totally up to scratch, but given that there are people who have scored much lower than me, we'll leave that.

instead let's talk about the things (simple things really) which made me feel so much better over this period.

let's start from last wednesday shall we? returning of scripts and house meeting.

maths paper was first period. nothing to say, still floundering in the ra context but doing pretty well compared to rp, which i guess is the only difference i can use to comfort myself.

paper 1 was fine. didn't get the extra 1 mark, and maybe it would have changed my gpa, but i don't really care now. it's over, so let's leave it at that.

paper 2 was much better of course, but again it's painful to have that "9" as your unit digit in that overall math score.

twice.

and another two times for bio and english, but my feeling is that 1 mark here and there for the eoy wouldn't have changed anything.

simply put, my effort wasn't consistent enough, and it showed in the ca mark, which rightfully has a higher weightage than the eoys, so no complaints, no bitching.

and most of all no sulking over it in front of people who didn't get as high as me. that's just nasty.

academic-related stuff ends here.

on wednesday there was the returning of lit scripts, but it wasn't so much the results, but more of the gathering of the lit people which made the day.

the little play put up by the teachers was a really nice departure from the "normal way" of going through the scripts too.

poor ms kuo - she suanned the people with poor grammar and all, but in the end she wrote "this ideas are interesting!" for one guy's paper. really funny incident that.

house meeting came next, and being the hardworking exco we were we got a really special treat from the incoming exco! thanks for the mug you guys. hullett ftw (next year)! =)

haha and while next year's exco was busy going through the admin stuff with the house the 9 of us were backstage having a ball of a time.

great stuff.

oh there was also the matter of the rinspire interview with the rinspire team, shanzhi, kristian and mr tan about rjc becoming rijc. yeah don't really agree with the merger and all, but i guess in the end it SHOULD work itself out fine.

thursday was slightly different - a few teachers came in late and some didn't come at all for the r&r, so we had lots of free time.

but amidst all of that i'm really glad i didn't blindly take the time off to go sleep in the library or fool around somewhere.

i have free periods when the rest of the class is having bio, but this time for bio r&r i decided to stay in class instead.

and it was a good one hour.

mrs foo read "half a haycorn pie" to the class (it's part of a winnie the pooh series) and i guess that's the kind of thing that just makes you feel good inside. a return to the good old days before studying in ri (or studying anywhere in general, for that matter) and you had your parents to read you to sleep every night or at your own fancy.

it may have been rather childish in the book, but sometimes it's that kind of simplicity which is so hard for adult writers to put across.

and it had a good lesson behind it (sustainability!) which made it pretty satisfying.

then again i think i just have weird tastes.

but once again, it was just a few hours ago when i was watching scooby-doo on the new okto (yay for okto!) and it really reminded me of the times when i used to watch it every afternoon on cartoon network in anticipation of the next mystery they were going to solve.

it almost feels good being a child without a care again.

thursday afternoon was rs rehersals, and when mrs smith dropped by it was a very interesting time indeed. we talked about almost everything - from jc subject combos to apcg to some "more personal" matters.

it was really an eye-opener, and she's one of the reasons why my lit is where it is today (a small fry among the big fish who are the lit ra people - some kind of guardians, stalwarts, defenders of literature perhaps? but meanwhile the lesser beings such as me can only dream of being as humanist as they are.) so for that i can't thank her enough.

she's a really good lady, even if the school seems to have a different idea.

friday was more r&r, and i guess what made it more meaningful was that it was the last lessons we were going to have in ri.

math was pretty good i guess. got to talk with mr kwa (something that doesn't happen every day) a bit about some jc and school stuff which is always nice.

chinese was almost too good. mdm cai (i believe that's the first time i'm calling her that) was pretty nice to everyone - no scolding or shouting - and i guess it was a good way to end the year after all the resentment the class harbours towards her.

she can be nice if she wants to.

bio (ra) was after recess and mrs low talked about evolutionary intelligence and that famous last lecture by randy pausch. reflective stuff, that one.

and finally was chem with ms low.

it was quite sad how the class went off to their own games with ms low there all by herself, seemingly. she's been such a wonderful teacher, and any student who knows and is taught by her is one fortunate boy, and i guess the least we could have done was to show some appreciation for that.

and she was nice enough to play the games with us (and get suanned by us at some times) and have a photo with the class which is nice to remember us by i hope.

and of course friday night was rs finals, which was a tremendous success (aarongoh and interleches ftw!), and all credit goes to the people behind the scenes too.

but it's been personally a bit of a letdown - i haven't been able to find the passion which i seemed to have in such abundance last year and at the beginning of this one. and of course that translated into a very superficial contribution to this year's rs.

maybe a bit of a recharge is in order.

but not as soon as my head tells me.

and looking out at the audience, feeling the sense of accomplishment at pulling this performance off during the voting sessions made me realise one thing:

i haven't been able to sit down as a normal student and enjoy events like this for almost 2 years now.

it's almost all been behind-the-scenes work, then executing it as part of the team, and the cycle repeats itself for the next event that drops by.

that is quite a big realisation, come to think of it.

oh meeting the apcg people (chris, liangzi, juan, jeanhui, chngyan - hellohello! xD sorry if i missed anyone out!) who dropped by was really great too! met some of them during the post-eoy period as well in rjc which was also really EXCITE. =D

and now wandering about the house, looking for something to do (other than revise for chinese) is getting to be rather boring.

i need to go outttt!

2008-10-27T22:00:00.002+08:00

spurs finally won a match!

and returning of papers is tomorrow ohnooo.

but at least i enjoyed enough over the last week to make up for all the pain over the next two days.

sentosa (cove) ftw! had lots of fun there especially. =)

spotlight and grad night coming up real soon so still lots to look forward to after scripts! it sure won't be the end of the world by wednesday, 3.6 or no 3.6.

2008-10-24T21:59:00.002+08:00

yay feeling better now.

so it was a fever (thursday night fever!... doesn't quite have the same ring.) of almost 39.0 degrees, which caused me to loosen a few more screws than maybe i should have.

some people just always have a few screws loose though, no matter what their state of health is.

the guy has got to be mental, honestly.

more videos if you search "will it blend" on youtube! especially if you like to see things being destroyed. =)

2008-10-23T20:47:00.003+08:00

there's a mountain of thoughts in my head
it's making my head spin around and around
like a merry-go-round of blame and unsound
sentences swirl about like a water hose spout
which just gives out - squeal and shout
troubles galore in my "survival" lore
where the game's no more than how to outscore
problems so brittle - with a honey wasp's nettle
i don't know how to settle this lack of a title
it's quite rubbish! how just won't i finish
writing this devilish ode to a silver dish
loaded with honey and supported by money
the eggs looking sunny and oh so runny
away from being broke, not a typical bloke
whose egg-shell spokes go by none broke
hearts you feel, so warm and --- surreal?
here again i squeal, by the words' deal...

wait.

did i mention a title i lack?
troubles abound in my survival sack?
what with the brain's connections, i say -
the only connection is from Z to A -
from sweet beehive to stinging-stung nettle
to surviving alive - to finally settle
this little dainty rhyme once and for all,
see your funeral faces filled aplomb with appall!

that's all for now, folks. will be back once i've settled my headache. (figurative? literal? who knows!)

2008-10-21T19:26:00.002+08:00

it strikes me how fast things are changing sometimes.

ri has been changing ever since we sec 4s came in. from being the last batch to use the old canteen (which was sadly underutilised by me) to having a revamp in our curriculum (with ra and the change to a deadly single-paper-at-the-end-of-the-year format, giving rise to incredible levels of mugging and armathgeddon in those last few weekends.

change is the only constant. "A", "B", "c" and "k" are also very popular i hear.

(lame aren't i.)

but seriously the world is changing.

and i'm pretty sentimental and get all teary-eyed and boo-hooish when i see the old guard changing sometimes.

(if you're a golf fan and jack nicklaus waving on the swilcan bridge on the 18th at the home of golf while playing his last hole as a professional golfer with the sun shining down on him for that instant, and going on to make a birdie at the ripe old age of 65 doesn't arouse any feelings, you don't deserve to be one any longer.)

the change was evident as i went for dinner with my aunt.

we went to a small restaurant just away from the bedok town centre called segar, and although it was only a 10-minute walk, it looked different.

for one the area was undergoing a huge upgrading project to install lifts on every floor of almost every block in the estate (yes, the estate is old enough to warrant it) and so hoardings were up everywhere.

but two things rather struck me most.

two conflicting things.

as i walked through the estate with my aunt we went past garden hill park (something we don't do too often. it's been 4 months since we last went out for dinner together.) which has pretty much stood the test of time. still as serene as ever at the top of a small raised hill, sandwiched by 2 blocks of flats.

it brought back some memories - i still remember when i was young and restless (pun not intended) i used to come here once in a while.

running down the slopes to the end of the park (but not running out of it down to the flats - that would be way too steep and dangerous) was pretty nice.

it's always nice to run where your feet want to take you.

then later in my life my feet didn't want to take me anywhere. so i ballooned to a nice mini snowman-like figure in my later primary school years.

so during the holidays, in my vain attempts to slim down i resorted to getting more regular exercise. badminton, swimming, up and down flights of stairs... and running in garden hill park.

the name really tells you all you need to know about it. well, almost.

then after passing through the estate and going into the outskirts of the town centre on the way to the restaurant something felt different. like something had changed, but i couldn't tell what it was intuitively.

after a while i realised what it was - signs of construction work in that little carpark next to the restaurant. temporary kerbs, hoardings, minor rerouting, and a lack of greenery which had once silently embellished the area.

reminds me a little of the urban heat island we learnt about in geog for sec 2. concrete on many sides and a lack of trees (resulting in lots of light reflecting and shining down to ground level - which is what i felt was different at the start) is not the best way to go.

and the food at the restaurant, for the record, was pretty good and cheap ($30 for 2 people isn't too much to ask for). and the atmosphere just felt rather homely.

who says you need expensive food to be contented.

and one last thing i noticed as i returned to my aunt's house was that the kindergarten at the void deck of the block near the restaurant had been converted into an elderly care centre.

when i was passing by on the way to dinner there was an old lady sitting all by herself at the door of the centre, looking out at the world outside zoom past. one of her companions was just leaving the centre to be picked up by her children. the tv was on, but she wasn't really watching it - she was looking more outside the centre than inside. as i looked at her, she looked at me - and beyond me.

i couldn't decipher that look and what was behind it, but i felt (more in retrospect that anything to be honest) that it was a good photo-taking opportunity.

but i guess it was good i didn't. it would have been rather "幸灾乐祸".

more about the other things that have been occupying my mind another time.

2008-10-17T21:17:00.003+08:00

yippee the bio/lit doublewhammy/doublebill/doubleplay/doubletrouble/doubleup/doublewhateverelseicanpossiblythinkof is OVER.

bio was rather unnerving. my lack of knowledge really showed through. laboured through the mcqs and really don't feel confident about that. 25/35 if i'm lucky.

on the other hand (and contrary to almost everyone else), i found section b much easier and fairly sailed smoothly through that. then again everyone thinks it was hard and i know i definitely have some mistakes so maybe a 35-40?

and section c was fairly straightforward no big issues there. YES i can *almost* sense a 3.6 for bio. wootz.

quite glad most of it was applied knowledge and all so i didn't have to rely on my knowledge, which is shaky to say the least.

i didn't even know the plumule from the radicle!!!!!!!! (that's pri sch stuff.)

lit was pretty ok, answered the first question pretty well and so that should boost my essay a bit and give the marker good impressions. =)))))

second part was really shaky and poor though. not enough quotes, lack of clear reasoning, poor paragraphing (5 paragraphs in a 2.5-page essay? ouch. ><) and more or less rushing it most of the way and occasionally writing on impulse.

although a 3.6 should be locked up. so overall it's looking good!

NOT. not yet at least.

you know even though i've sat through 5 eoys (yes, 5 only) none of them is going to give me a realistic chance at boosting my gpa. i'm sitting more them to maintain my gpa.

what's really important has to be my last paper(s) doesn't it? math.

95% to get 3.6 isn't out of reach, but it's a dreadfully high standard to be aiming for. 1 mistake per paper at most, 2 if i'm lucky.

whether i'm in math ra doesn't really stand for anything now. if i mess up on monday, byebye 3.6 dreams (now you know why i always say anything about 3.2 is fine). 3.3-3.4 is where i'll probably be.

this has to be my most study-oriented post of the year, seriously.

and despite all this i'm actually helping some people. and i really mean help, like commitment which can be measured in hours.

oh well i don't really want to feel anything about math and exams anymore.

just a few more days and we'll be free so add oil people! oil prices have fallen below US$70 so it's a good time to dump oil into your fire by the barrelful.

update: just received news that i have gotten 15 questions out of 35 wrong for bio mcq. byebye 3.6?

in case you were wondering about the answers to the mcqs:

BCCBA DBABD CBBAB DBDCB CDDDC ACBCC AABAD (apparently according to pros who are definitely not me. (i am really lousy at bio - that's been verified.)

2008-10-16T20:46:00.003+08:00

i know this is not the best time to be blogging.

but i must say that even though i had no papers today (yes, shoot me if i suanned you inadvertently or otherwise) it was pretty eventful.

lit discussions with the 4k lit people really really helped to enhance my understanding of the texts (and i'm sure it had the same effect on the others present) so i'm really thankful for that.

it was the right way to spend a day before 2 stressful papers back to back so yeah, i think i'm much more at ease now.

now it's really all about quotes. must remember to QUOTE QUOTE QUOTE. quotes are the lifeblood of any lit student.

and yes, i do have bio and lit tomorrow, so if i suanned you today, you may return the favour, free of charge. (reminds me of mad tv! ><)

2008-10-08T22:18:00.003+08:00

why does my pencil case have to go missing/be stolen (hope not ><) 2 days before eoys? =(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

haha but at least now i don't have to be asked any question and be under any pressure to provide a stupid answer. =P

good luck to all taking any exams in the next few weeks!

2008-10-07T23:17:00.004+08:00

i think it's a sign i've been a little bit more than busy in ri when i realised yesterday that for the first time in about a year (dating back to the previous year's eoy period, what ho) that i was leaving school for home immediately after school ended.

on the way out i also met a plethora of ri students at the bus stop, and a teacher (mr kelvin yap!) and managed to get a nice (albeit brief) chat in before we went our separate ways so that was a nice little way to end the day (ooh it rhymes).

today was prometheum day.

won't say too much. just that it was immensely different from prometheum day a year ago (well what a surprise).

it feels different when you know who's on stage and what they did.

the year almost passed too quickly. (who am i kidding? of course it did.)

sadly i don't think too many other people appreciated the ceremony.

oh and prometheum day also signalled something else (other than being symbolic of the drawing to a close of the sec 4s' lives):

30 days (a month) left before we're formally out of here.

it surely doesn't seem so long ago now that mr lim and mr jee were busy bullying (suanning) each other during the times in between lessons (in those days there was no protected interaction time, but we had the time all the same. all the more amazing given mr lim was prefect master. food for thought about the enforced protected interaction time we have now?)

ok i'm really starting to go wonky(-tonky) so i think this should be it for blogging before eoys.

yes i know i break promises more often than i keep them, but i think this is one promise i can't (be) afford(ed by my parents) to break.

ciao and goodluck for eoys!

ahhh math! ><

and bio and chem and lit and ss and english. >< spam! ><

edit: thanks michael! talking to you really helped to clear my mind. =)

2008-09-26T23:27:00.002+08:00

in conjunction with the eoys (which i personally think of as a guillotine hanging over our heads) i think a break is in order.

apparently we didn't do too well for lit dramatisation either - a bit of a letdown, but sometimes things don't really go your way.

that's not the reason for not blogging though, so don't worry. not that i won't be sad, of course - it's just the machine-like, almost cruel efficiency we need in these next 3 weeks that needs my attention more.

but i thought as a "final" post, a nice touching song would be... nice.

i really, really, really love this song.

it's beautiful just listening to it.

back in 3 weeks, then. although if i feel bored (unlikely) i might just write a little something.

I Want You Back - Jackson 5

Uh-huh huh huh huh
Let me tell ya now
Uh-huh

When I had you to myself
I didn't want you around
Those pretty faces always made you
Stand out in a crowd
But someone picked you from the bunch
One glance was all it took
Now it's much too late for me
To take a second look

Oh baby give me one more chance
(show you that I love you)
Won't you please let me
(back in your heart)
Oh darlin' I was blind to let you go
(let you go baby)
But now since I see you in his arms
(I want you back)
Yes I do now
(I want you back)
Ooh ooh baby
(I want you back)
Ya ya ya ya
(I want you back)
Na na na na

Tryin' to live without your love
Is one long sleepless night
Let me show you girl
That I know wrong from right
Every street you walk on
I leave tearstains on the ground
Following the girl
I didn't even want around
Let me tell you now

Oh baby all I need is one more chance
(show you that I love you)
Won't you please let me
(back to your heart)
Oh darlin' I was blind to let you go
(let you go baby)
But now since I see you in his arms

Uh-huh
A buh buh buh buh (2 times)
All I want
A buh buh buh buh
All I need
A buh buh buh buh
All I want
A buh buh buh buh
All I need

(Jermaine):
Oh just one more chance
to show you that I love you
baby (6 times)

(I want you back)

(Jackie):
Forget what happened then
(I want you back)
(Jermaine):
Let me live again

Oh baby I was blind to let you go
But now since I see you in his arms
(I want you back)

(Jackie):
Spare me of this cause
(Jermaine):
Gimme back what I lost

Oh baby I need one more chance ha
I tell ya that I love you
(Jermaine):
Baby
(Michael):
Ohhh (repeat 3x)

(Michael):
I want you back

2008-09-24T21:47:00.002+08:00

i think i'm fairly incapable (also substitute: inept, amateurish, incompetent, horrendous... the list could go on, but don't forget the suitable complementary preposition) of blogging.

confirmation will come once you exit this sad place.

2008-09-23T00:19:00.003+08:00

looking back at the two oip trips to hue and changchun in the last month, just made me feel one single thing.

i only wish i had cherished my own experience more.

i still remember when i asked ms chang about going for the oip trips during the apcg youth summit.

and then a few weeks later i was delighted when she said she could put me in either of the two groups (likely to be changchun together, since i went there in 2007).

then, the next week, she said that there was no need for any sec 4s to go for the september ones.

and since i couldn't go for the november ones, i was pretty disappointed.

and now i'm wondering.

from what i've heard everyone had fun overseas. haven't found anyone who disagrees yet.

but it just makes me wonder:

if they, in 10/11 days, can achieve so much, then what exactly did i, in 14 days, gain?

why was i relieved that our trip to changchun had been delayed one day?
why was i apprehensive in interacting with my chinese counterparts?
why was i seemingly untouched when we had to leave changchun for singapore?
why was i not committed to overseeing the programme when they came over?

why am i still unable to fully recall, make sense of and articulate the entire experience?

and why am in not able to answer any of these questions satisfactorily?

i won't deny that for me, and our group, going to changchun was fantastic.

but what was it fantastic for? more of the right or the wrong reasons?

...

oh well. on a lighter note now!

if you're reading this blog...

welcome back nitya and chngyan! haha didn't know you went to changchun!

haha heard about plenty of interesting experiences too.

the heartbreaker advice seemed to be pretty handy though. =)

2008-09-21T18:25:00.005+08:00

my parents said they do read my blog - horror of horrors. this also shows you the intelligence (or lack thereof) of putting your blog address in your msn personal message 24/7, and having your mother as a contact.

but since they do read my blog, perhaps it's time i said something, to them.

if you're an environmentalist, humanitarian or just anybody with a heart and a bit of common sense, i should think you would agree with what i'm saying.

the thing is that i don't believe i have to say this to my parents.

_____________________________________________________________

i don't really understand why we need to waste resources the way we're doing now.

one clear example is the amount of food we buy.

to me, i don't really see the point in buying 5 packs of rice for 4 people (which we can barely finish), a large bowl of soup (which, on a really taxing, no-lunch day, we might just be able to finish) and to top it off, adding some dessert or other food, which invariably has to be chucked into the fridge.

oh, and about the fridge. some of the food in the fridge have been around for weeks. months, even. and what do we do at the end of it? throw half of it away, having eaten half of it when we actually realised that we should not waste it a few weeks ago.

that doesn't come around too often, by the way. our microwave and toaster seem to be terribly underused.

i don't understand why our fridge has to be filled to the brim 90% of the time, the other 10% being the transitive time between meals and shopping trips. isn't it much better to have a spacious fridge where we can actually see the back of the drawers and can rummage around freely without any fear of knocking over or spilling something with just a slight twitch?

fine, maybe we'll not focus on the fridge anymore.

back to the meal then. we actually didn't include the fruits which you so often advise us to have in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

how much of those do you think we can have without (trying to) dump some dinner into our 2 packed fridges?

more than a few things irk me about this whole issue.

for one, we waste hundreds of dollars every year buying all these unnecessary items - not including things such as clothes, household items which we buy regularly, but use rarely.

it's especially bad when it comes to food.

imagine how many hungry children around the world you could have fed if you had donated the money to charity, or better yet, donated the actual food items to these causes.

it also doesn't help that i'm the one who, most of the time, plays "hungry scavenger" on weekends in order to not waste the food which may seem to us like nothing more than a daily necessity, but yet, to the millions of famished across africa and parts of latin america and asia, is a gift from heaven.

if i didn't do all this, we might as well have donated our rubbish bins to these poor people.

"that's fine." you might say.

but NO. our rubbish bins do not go anywhere near solving famine.

instead, they go to incinerators and landfills, taking up vital energy and resources to dispose of things which really could have been put to better use somewhere else, putting ever more strain on the frail back of mother nature.

the last, and perhaps the point i find most incredulous, is that you go back on your word, time and time again.

you tell me and my brother not to waste money, because "we don't know how hard it is to earn it" and "there's no point buying things we don't need", among many others.

we accept that. so we don't spend excessively, unless it's absolutely necessary, or on rare occasions which call for such celebrations.

but let's put these words in a different light.

granted, "we don't know how hard it is to earn it", and you do know - and i don't doubt it, having scrimped and saved and grown up from poor family backgrounds to continuously provide for us. i appreciate that, really.

but you say "there's no point buying things we don't need" - so why do you do the exact opposite of what you preach?

we don't need to consume anywhere near upwards of 3,000 calories a day, because we don't expend that much energy (leave that to top-draw athletes like michael phelps), and because other people need it more.

just look at the 80-20 principle, and you'll know what i mean.

if we could even reduce this to a modest 75-25 or even 70-30 in the next 10-20 years, think about how many people will be so much better-off.

does the 80-20 principle not demonstrate the developed world's selfishness and greed? and simply because we arguably live in the 20% who siphon 80% of the world's food for themselves - does that justify our desire for more to eat?

some people out there are nothing more than a pile of bones, for crying out loud.

yet we over here need to deal with obesity and related diseases? why?

the entire situation, and what you said, just smacks of hypocrisy.

i'm sorry if it's harsh, but there is no way, and no point, to soften the blow.

and if you thought that photo was familiar, here's why.

it almost sounds typical of what we might do. and that's the truly scary part.

perhaps after all this, the main point really is that we're wasting resources.

what the world has to offer us is limited, but yet what we want is unlimited.

the thing is that i don't really want to live in a world where we can no longer live life the way we used to - comfortably.

for once, i would like to live without the worry of an unsustainable future.

call it selfish, but perhpas being the older generation, you might not really see what is in store for the earth in the next century, and you might not really care, because you don't really need to.

but i do. and the world is, slowly, perhaps even not at all - but eventually it must.

so let it stop. even the smallest step is a step nonetheless in the right direction.

_____________________________________________________________

to end off, here's a video of a speech given by a girl of only 12.

this is the kind of people the world needs more.

but you just have to wonder whether the leaders of the world present were really listening to what she said, whether the applause was mechanic and instinctive, whether the serious looks were merely facades for dismissive ones.

but still, it's a truly remarkable and impactful speech.

here's some food for thought:

this speech by Severn Suzuki was delivered in 1992.

it's been 16 years since it was heard.

but has anything really changed?

don't waste this food for thought at all costs. if not, we will pay the true costs.

2008-09-19T23:36:00.001+08:00

poetry dmp happened last week (on 11 sep, of all days) and this week (18 sep).

and i was really glad that i took it, even if it took away 2 thursday afternoons and many people decided not to go for it.

it proved to be the motivation, but more importantly, the spark which i needed to start writing again, after a hiatus of months, only writing sporadically for school submissions and all.

and it helped me write poems like this.

this is dedicated to all rafflesian runners, and by that i don't just mean the rugby, cross-country or athletics people -

but simply anybody who runs and feels that sense of carefree-ness and peacefulness as you take both your mind and body to a higher place.

it may not be the best piece of literature you'll see, but it was pretty heartfelt.

and sometimes that's all that really matters.

Intangible

The Raffles field -
A vast expanse of
Green plastic blades
Black rubber bits
White painted lines
Stretching beyond
The limits of the human mind.

As the wind gently caresses my back,
Whispering in my ear,
Beckoning for me to follow,
I look again at the space
Between myself and the endless horizon.
And it is only then that I realise
As I start to run
Limitlessly, tirelessly -

This, is where men can fly.
This, is where my spirit belongs.
This, is where I call home.
This,
Is freedom.

and it really is something intangible.

spirit.
running.
freedom.

never choose between any one of them.

choose all three.

2008-09-18T23:22:00.004+08:00

first answer's usually the most telling. so that's what i wrote.

does it show something about me that i took 1 hour to do this?

1. shanzhi, jianxiong.
2. zongyi.
3. aaron goh, charles. =)
4. theodore and kengchee!
5. jeremy tan.
6. nicchee.
7. isaac chay.
8. yuanjun, juanmin.
9. daniel chander and shayne.
10. isaac chay.
11. benyong and boontiong.
12. amanda.
13. biquan. =)
14. ernest wong / joho! xD
15. ernest again.
16. juan!
17. nicchee.
18. daniel tay?
19. aaron goh.
20. shoujian.
21. junyong! (oh no i'm gonna get owned)
22. erm.
23. shanzhi.
24. bryan by that picture.
25. isaac chay.
26. erm... clement tan? (a case of damned if i do, damned if i don't.)
27. theodore.
28. ZONGYI. xD
29. chrisanda popped up first! but all of you would make good answers too. =)
30. haha i'd love to see your reactions when you see what you're the answer to.

oh man that was pretty tough. and to be honest there's more than one answer to every question.

haha but at last my curious mind has been relieved.

2008-09-15T21:54:00.003+08:00

apcg outing!

before that i actually had a camp (the last one i'll ever have in ri) and a maths cct (which i passed. barely. but i think you've heard enough of me rambling about lousy academics in previous posts already) so it was nice to end the week with a relaxing, fun outing.

well it nearly proved to be a bit of a downer. if my sandals hadn't given way about 100m before i reached j8 (and went for the outing at east coast park) i might just have went through the outing with a pair of broken sandals. ><

and the rush to buy a pair of sandals also allowed me to "accessorise my ash ketchum look", with my apcg cap and a miniature pikachu (which sits on my desk currently). xD

and once we got to the beach it was all fun!

everyone still remembers the yuanjun joke, how nice of them.

yay for beach volleyball and beach soccer and just walking about in the waves. but my exertions at camp and at cct meant i was unable to go cycling. as evidenced by my 30-minute nap while everyone was away at changi. =(

and while we're at beach volleyball, it seems like all the funniest things in the entire week happened at the apcg outing. more specifically at beach volleyball.

what joy.

what happened after dinner was the most eventful though.

well during dinner at burger king we saw these crown things, and so being the thick-skinned boys we are, 5 of us asked for them (imagine a 16 year-old boy asking for what looked more appropriate for a happy meal) and of course, we had to put them on in all sorts of weird styles during dinner.

haha and amanda and jeanhui with truth or truth also! =D

oh oh but the =( part of the outing (which happened when nobody else was around, thank goodness) happened when i was leaving for home.

being in a rush to get to the car, i was walking really hurriedly across the east coast carpark.

FLASHBACK: 2 january 2007. secondary 3 orientation. first day of school. around 12pm.

having completed a station game at the newly refurbished tennis courts, i was walking through the doors closest to the design centre through the basketball court, when all of a sudden -

my right foot felt no ground beneath it. and it plonked straight into the coverless drain. the shin hit the covered drain in front of it (oh, the irony of it all) and subsequently got even more injured.

in fact that was the only injury spot. given that i wisely chose not to walk any further after literally walking into the drain, thus not putting my ankle or the rest of my right leg in any danger. (or rather, i couldn't really move anything because i was in a lot of pain. it ain't a nice feeling to be walking straight into 50cm-deep drains without prior knowledge.)

i believe i saw the white stuff inside (and i am ashamed to say that as a bio ra student, i have never bothered to check it out.) which was a bit unnerving. plus i also went into a bit of shock/delirium. just ever so slightly. not enough to transform into our favourite "look at me and my mood-swings suan your ass off you" chinese teacher.

FLASHBACK TO PRESENT. apcg outing. 5 september 2008. 9pm.

what happened next, not many people know, but unless you didn't bother reading what was above, you might be able to guess.

at least the drain wasn't so high this time (at most 30cm?), but because i fell forward onto the covered drain (MY MY LOOK AT THOSE SIMILARITIES/IRONIES) i ended up giving my left foot a few more scratches than it should have had.

the gash on my left toe was particularly unsightly.

and another difference was that this time nobody was around to help me (although i could swear i felt eyes trained on me from behind). so after sitting there for about 30 seconds i had to get up myself and hobble to my parents' car. with 3 separate injuries to my left leg and a shaken-up right hand.

and then there was still enough time to say hi to charles' parents on the way.

all in all it wasn't as bad as the 2007 injury thank goodness, but it did prevent me from doing any activity involving my legs (other than walking) for 1 week. i tell you, it was highly tempting to just whack a soccer ball when it came within range, but because i'm left-side dominant (right-brained --> left hand, left leg) and i tend to toe-poke the ball a lot, it would have been highly unwise (and bloody) if i didn't stop myself in time.

but now i'm fine! 1 week was all it took (compared to about 4-6 weeks for the massive wound the size of 2 ri badges and going pretty deep. never really measured that, so don't ask.) to recover.

and that ends the massive backlog of blogging!

looking forward to dmp. =) had the two courses i chose out of my own free will today, and i guess the english one with mrs nathan proved to be a throwback to the good old days of sec 3 english.

must improve on my long vowel pronunciation (meeeeeeeeeeeeeekly!) though. ><

2008-09-11T23:03:00.013+08:00

ok here's the other interesting bits of the mckk trip!

opening ceremony and cultural exhibition, 25/8:
this was one of the things we weren't exactly looking forward to, given that we had scrapped and came up with our finished product on sunday, before realising we should spice up our booth with some videos and had to rush down to an internet cafe in town because youtube was blocked by the malaysian moe. but in the end it worked out all right!

i think i quite like doing this kind of stuff. i explained things about singapore over and over again until i needed a drink (of tea. more on that later), which is pretty good, given that i've been a malaysian for more than 90% of my life.

our cultural exhibition. sorry for the poor quality of photos - i took everything using my lousy 3.2mp phone camera.

oh and here's something i couldn't resist posting. (bryan, if you're reading i'm sorry, but i couldn't help myself)

bryan's look is classic. OMG. i just couldn't resist laughing whenever i saw this picture for some reason.

ok moving right along before i get owned for posting that picture.

homestay programme, 27/8-29/8:
I felt a strange charm about the Malaysian way of life in the villages – it is hard to explain in words, but I know I had grown emotionally attached to my foster mother, even though the homestay had only been for 2 days. Seeing the joy on their faces as they welcomed us, and the sadness in their eyes as they waved goodbye, welcoming us back to their home anytime, I couldn’t help but feel sad as well that we were leaving them.
(that was taken from my formal reflection)

and yes although the living conditions aren't necessarily as good as singapore's, it was still a really homely place. the cats in the house were nice, but even nicer was aunty daabaayah, my foster mother! she's a really wonderful lady, and she has my number so we can keep in touch! =)

oh the place we went to for the homestay was ulu kenas. and we were based in the ulu kenas primary school (sekolah kesebangsa'an ulu kenas. yay for my malay.)

the area around ulu kenas, complete with morning fog.

the (seemingly) endless road leading to and from ulu kenas! o.0

aunty daabaayah with hassan, fauzan and me.

cultural exhibition and merdeka celebrations, 30/8:
ok this was the real crunch time. we only finalised our performance 2 hours before the actual thing, and our slides were only completed 10 minutes beforehand (according to abhinav). it's times like that which really leave you feeling a little dumbfounded and wanting to give up, but i guess my experience in getting stressed (look no further than my white hair) paid off.

and brian mcknight's "win" helped too.

it truly is rather inspirational for those willing to be inspired. that's all i'll say.

and in the end, with help from lame jokes such as:

"which is more talkative, bread or coffee?"
"which MRT station used to be a TV star?"

we did it. with a few pokes here and there at singapore's non-existent "dominant culture", or rather things such as singlish and kiasuism.

and afterwards was the celebration of national day in malaysia!

being 90% malaysian i decided to take up a malaysian flag and wave it frantically as national songs were being belted out on stage on the rugby field.

and there were fireworks right in school exploding right over our heads! cool. singapore might want to consider having something like that in schools such as the oldest one in the land.

fireworks.

and again. given the 2 second lag my phone camera has, managing to get something like this feels like an achievement actually.

ok now time for random pictures!

spectacular fail at taking an emo picture from my apartment.

trying to be artistic yet again. this is at the mosque near the palace.

ex-president of india, dr. a. p. j. abdul kalam in the house. and getting mobbed. i tried to take his picture but once again failed.

in the end this was the only picture i got of him. what a fail.

zulikhwan! imba organiser! somehow reminds us of sadikin! (according to stitch)

syafiq! participant and good friend! =)

rezza! another good friend (and your shirt is on the way!)

aiman! the kangjie lookalike, again according to stitch.

syafiq (coco)! named as such because his father works at nestle. =D

the interior of changi airport's spanking new terminal 3.

it is rather beautiful, even if currently rather underused.

attempting one last time to take a nice looking photo.

ok so that's finally everything about mckk out of the system! next on the list: apcg outing! and that was really eventful too, so stay tuned. =)

2008-09-07T23:30:00.006+08:00

ok mckk reflection time, as promised, although slightly later than originally planned.

it's hard to reflect when you also need to study for eoys.

and mr teo, if you're reading this by any chance, you can consider this set of posts a reflection. ^^

saturday, 23/8:

we left for mckk, with our two hastily done cultural posters in hand. since singapore didn't really have a dominant national culture (if we did decide to say it we might just get blasted for posting hurtful remarks about singapore's multiracial society) we figured it would be best to talk about things such as singapore's scenery, or if we wanted to talk about the races at all, all 4 at the same time.

resulting in 2 posters, lots of paper, even more colours, and few words.

but other than our fretting over our cultural exhibit and, at that point, a non-existent cultural performance, everything was going very smoothly indeed.

so after a pretty uneventful first morning (and spending half of the travelling time from penang airport to mckk talking to abhi about rafflesian spotlight stuff - hope you haven't forgotten what we said, abhi) we eventually reached the college at around noon.

the first thing which struck me was the location of the college. it seemed to be located just away from the centre of a sleepy little town called kuala kangsar, a departure from singapore's hustle and bustle, but it gave the place a feel of serenity and peace, which of course was soothing to the 4 minds so well drilled in singapore's stressful and always-on-the-go way of life and school.

the next thing was of course the size of the campus. i believe it's about 2 times the size of ri's campus, although a good chunk of it seems to be boarding. still it was pretty huge, and the school tour on monday would certainly verify that.

but the main question on my mind was where we were going to stay. not surprising, since the basketballers had gone on at length about the living conditions of the dormitories, and their stories, while colourful, left a few niggling doubts in my mind.

haha but all those were dispelled once we entered our living quarters.

our apartment was sparsely furnished, yes, but better than the scene i had imagined given the b-ballers' words of encouragement. anyway it was a good experience, since my parents had always talked about how living conditions were bad in their time and how they needed to strive to get to where we are now - i think i fairly took a few steps back in going through what they experienced.

for one there were squatting toilets only (which resulted in an indescribable feeling every time i stood up again. i believe my legs became slightly stronger after this trip. =D) and there was no shower head in the bathroom - just good old-fashioned buckets of cold water. refreshing indeed.

still, i'm not complaining. anyway i take colder baths than the rest of my family so it's not too much of a change.

and to ryan, elias and weekuang, thanks for your words of wisdom, but i'm afraid they weren't too useful this time around. xD

there was one other thing we hadn't yet experienced about this apartment - but we soon did.

august is the time where rain cascades down on malaysia/singapore like ri teachers dumping homework on students. it just keeps coming every day.

and so it did, big time in kuala kangsar. and halfway through this rainstorm (and i swear this has nothing to do with my being in hullett) we experienced a blackout.

so basically we were shrouded in darkness for about half an hour (before we went out for dinner) but the other half of the school was still lit, because the palace is on that side of the town and so naturally they don't have as many blackouts (read: better power line) over there.

haha but it was rather fun using candles in the apartment to get around. reminds me of my old flat in bedok reservoir where we used the same candles when it went dark.

but luckily enough the power came back after we returned from dinner (treated by mr fairuz at the rest house in kuala kangsar), so we could sleep in peace! (not that we need lights to sleep but still it feels more secure)

the blackout and the candle we used in the living room.

sunday, 24/8:

today was when the international participants were supposed to come in, but they would only arrive in the afternoon, so we had the morning to ourselves.

oh i nearly forgot to mention carrey hall. it's the oldest building in the school (it's an original, which means 103 years old) and they have a really special system, where about 15 students are chosen every night to eat on a raised platform Western-style, with cutlery and chairs and all. the rest eat with their hands at normal tables.

we had the luxury of eating there twice, and we were seated on that raised platform. haha a little scary, even though none of the students were around.

so after breakfast it was off to the town for some sightseeing!

kuala kangsar is the royal town, which means a really important sultan calls it home, and so none of the buildings in town can exceed the height of his palace (4 storeys). which might explain why it felt so different from singapore, where if you don't see a building more than 4 storeys within 500m, someone will probably feel compelled to build something there.

the sunday market in town is really big! a few streets long and all kinds of things on sale (from food to clothes to accessories - you name it) and a bit like a pasar malam.

the sunday market.

nothing interesting really happened until the afternoon, where the participants started to come in - as always we weren't really very familiar at all with any of them and so stuck together in a singapore group for quite some time - and we got to know our apartment- and room-mates! i had 11 people in my 3-room apartment, and 4 in my room, all of different nationalities.

after interacting with them in the afternoon, it was time for dinner, a welcome briefing and icebreaking games!

shan't say too much about anything except the icebreaking games, that's where the fun was all at. =D

the first "game" we had was to draw our own face and write one characteristic about ourselves. and this was also the time i realised i can draw faces using more than 3 strokes! (yes juan! this is a major improvement!) xD

haha it still looks rather unprofessional though. but given my history of drawing my way to a near-fail, i'd say it's a pretty good effort, no?

the other game was a mass playing of musical chairs! they would remove 5-10 chairs every round so it was a mad scramble for the participants! abhi went out after 3 rounds, and i followed suit after the next round. =(

but rashidi, a.k.a stitch (this was also the first time i knew about his nickname) and syafiq a.k.a coco stayed in pretty long (last 6 people in the game)!

unfortunately they both lost and a girl won. how magnanimous of the gentlemen.

ok i'm starting to write rather incoherently so i'd better wrap up for the first two days!

i'll be picking out main events from now on so it's less taxing for me and for you. yay getting there! =D

2008-09-06T18:46:00.004+08:00

OMG I SO NEED TO UPDATE.

and so i will!

in chronological order, starting from thursday night (21/8) where things started getting interesting until friday night (the next post will cover the summit).

ok reflection time.

thursday (21/8):

thursday was really pretty stressful! had to start clearing all of my frontlog of homework so i could be a little more relaxed during the malay college youth development summit (mcyds) organised by malay college kuala kangsar (mckk).

but still i managed to find time to go watch what i expected to be the highlight of the night... the sec 3 drama challenge!

unfortunately, it didn't really live up to my expectations.

while not being a fantastic actor myself, having the outside eye and looking in on these productions as half-audience, half-critic allowed me to see what exactly went wrong in the plays.

for me, some basics of acting weren't observed, shockingly. things like voice projection and clarity, not turning your back on the audience (unless the situation absolutely requires it), and the delivery of lines was rather substandard.

the delivery of lines was significantly bad. some people weren't audible or clear enough, some just plowed through their lines as though they wanted to finish their job and get off-stage, and even when the delivery was ok, it wasn't milked for all it was worth with suitable pauses and intonation.

i don't even know whether some of the performances constituted a parody.

i did expect a good show from it (as did the secondary 4s who went for it, i'm sure) but i left feeling rather disappointed. and the teachers didn't look impressed.

the sec 3 batch seems to be less thoughtful and thought-provoking when inducing their laughter. easily a sizable chunk of the jokes had sexual innuendos to them, which is a good way to get a laugh, and everybody is entitled to use them, but it really was over-employed, to the extent i felt rather turned off by all of it.

steadily it became a chore for me to sit through it (and ms johnson was none too impressed either, especially with joshua's little filler, which i guess was the only way he could really get the atmosphere going again).

of course i'm not saying that all of them were rubbish. the top 2 plays were not too bad (nice use of the cast, good ideas that could have been taken further) and i guess it was a good reward for the effort they had put in. especially macbluff, whose group i saw almost every day in the week leading up to the performance, hard at rehearsing and refining.

but something which really hit home to me was that if this is the standard of the supposedly top 5 groups in secondary 3, what's the standard of the rest?

and where was the support from the sec 3 lit students? the lt was half-full, and even then i think a good number were acting later on.

it makes me wonder whether the beauty of literature, of prose, poetry and play have been lost somewhat on the sec 3 batch.

so anyway that was parody night.

and after that was something absolutely massive - my showcase portfolio.

up to that night i had done 2 pieces of reflection, and each one had taken me about 2-3 hours. i wanted to do 9, and i only had (given no sleep) 8 hours to complete 7 more.

all the more i felt parody night was a bit of a letdown, although i must say i did develop a more critical appreciation of drama.

but laments aside, i also had many other pieces of work to finish - primarily because i chose to complete them before i went to mckk, not after.

and so came a night of little sleep (eventually i dozed off for 2 hours, waking up very fortuitously at 4 and leaving me some time to scramble and finish some work), just sitting through the night and typing away at the keyboard.

and then came friday morning, when everything started to fall apart.

friday (22/8):

before i start, although you may point out that friday should have started 2 paragraphs ago, my showcase portfolio took way longer than a morning to complete. it really is a big thing not just to me, but almost all students. which would mean a sleepless night or two for most of them. ><

firstly, i barely remembered to bring my showcase portfolio file (since i had promised ms kuang i would hand it in that day, if i forgot i would have been skinned alive) and other files to submit. close shave, that one.

then, after coming to school, i realised something absolutely horrible -

i had left my worksheets and papers at home (in it were buried chem notes for the oba i was to take later that day, and some homework), and left my handphone in the car.

what a time for a double whammy.

it didn't help that the day was jam-packed (careers forum took up the whole afternoon, which would have otherwise majorly aided my predicament), even by some things non-academic (li jiawei was playing zhang yining for another guaranteed medal during recess).

and because i didn't complete all my work, i had to spend recess in the library, chionging my showcase portfolio and watching bits of the match.

in the end, though, the match gave me some kind of an excuse to be late (when i actually took the time to finish up the portfolio), so that was another close shave.

at this point, you may have noticed that i've talked about my showcase portfolio a lot, and that i was really focused on completing it.

well i am really proud of what i've done, and the lengths i went to in order to complete it. in the end i exceeded the requirements, and i easily could have barely met them, but that would not be a complete picture of what i did, especially in this last year. it's really been a blast.

...

well being without a phone for that day made me scramble to sort out my mess (probably caused due to stress and lack of sleep), and in the end i had to stay in school until 7.30 to file all the stuff and organise my homework and dump it into the correct places.

and i hadn't even started packing or doing my testimonial write-up.

but thanks to some new-found efficiency (which i didn't have the previous night/that morning) it was all done by 12.30! yay me =D

and then on saturday it would be off to malaysia for mckk! but that's for another post! =D

2008-08-23T00:24:00.002+08:00

leaving for malaysia in a few hours!

so i don't really feel like blogging.

actually my not feeling like blogging has nothing to do with leaving for malaysia.

o.0

ok but anyway, if you need to talk to me (for some strange reason) you can call (expensive), sms (cheaper) or email (pretty much free).

i'll be back for APCG SEPTEMBER GATHERING OH YEAH.

and i'll also be back to take my chinese prelims and maths cct. ><

ok enough talk! eyelids drooping so i'll end it here! happy studying next week!

2008-08-19T00:19:00.003+08:00

in case you actually haven't watched a single bit of the olympics (which i personally find quite impossible to do on a daily basis), here's a short recap.

1) michael phelps wins 8 golds. 8 olympic records, 7 world records. damn imba.

2) usain bolt wins 100m in 9.69 seconds by 0.2 seconds without wind assistance, celebrating 20m before the finish, and left shoe untied. also damn imba.

3) singapore wins their first medal in 48 years, losing 0-3 to china after trumping south korea 3-2. pretty darn imba.

...

in short,

olympics are so incredibly addictive that i cannot seem to do anything else for these two weeks.

including studying, which i sorely need to boost my flagging gpa. get suanned about it every day. how exciting.

but then you could ask why i'm blogging instead of studying now.

the answer is that i have my bio book open on my table, and my hands are resting on the book (as if it would absorb all the info) and typing this post.

grah.

i'm becoming less and less of the "teachers'-dream-come-true" aaron and more of the "bad-boy" aaron.

you won't believe the kind of things i say nowadays.

i can't exactly repeat on this blog because i believe too many people of status read my blog.

...

good luck to all the rgs people for your eyas!!! (if you're free enough to be reading blogs at this time that is.) nightmares about plowing through endless stacks of notes and revision exercises and assignments will soon be over. =D

2008-08-13T22:50:00.002+08:00

ok i will not fulfill my promise of making an apcg post awwww.

because it's been 1 month, my photos are failed attempts at camwhoring, and reflections - well everyone's been through those already.

simply put, let's leave it at that.

I HAVE NOT WATCHED THE DARK KNIGHT OMG.

I WILL NOT ANSWER QUESTIONS ON APR GPA BLEH.

(aarongoh! how in the world did you get a 4.0! share some tips with your namesake i beg you.)

apcg gathering in the works. IT BE HIGH EXCITE.

o.0 am i running out of things to say on this blog?

><

i'm jealous. and i can't help it.

2008-08-10T15:56:00.003+08:00

looking back at all of the files, photos and emails that document our psl journey,

i'm now starting to understand the scale of what we did.

150 people planned a 3-month programme and timeline for 454 people just 3 years their juniors from scratch, and became their guiding lights and pillars of strength.

honestly it never fails to amaze me.

apcg was similar, the outcome was about the same, but the process was rather different.

don't know if i'll ever get the chance to feel the excitement and accomplishment of planning these events again.

i'll miss it if i don't. i'll treasure it if i do.

2008-08-05T17:57:00.002+08:00

it's now almost 6pm as i type this.

"6pm?" i can almost hear you say as you read this. "that's rather early isn't it?"

the surprising thing is not that i'm home at 6pm (and in fact i was home an hour earlier), but that i don't feel that i'm coming back late, at 6pm.

it's a mix of emotions.

i don't quite know exactly why i feel this way.

so much for reputedly being able to know why i feel what i feel (albeit on my own account).

this one takes a bit longer to comprehend,

or maybe i simply don't want to.

actually it doesn't lend itself to comprehension, and if it ever does it will overpower me and make me the reputedly emo monster i am (this is according to my classmates).

and i'll admit it here - this is an emo post. no two ways about it.

i won't deny i have a lot of feelings about ri. too many to begin compressing them into a 10-minute showcase portfolio presentation. and even if i do it won't fulfill the requirements, will it? and nobody would like to fail any assignment at all, let alone one of such significance and proportion.

i was thinking on the way home what exactly i should do in the coming 3 months, the last 3 of a 4 years which took a while to warm up, but when it got going it didn't stop.

and truth be told i didn't want it to.

but now i find myself somewhere between wanting it to stop, and wanting it to never stop.

ri comes at an incredible personal cost. time with your family, time for yourself, is really all taken away once things get going.

but isn't it truly amazing that amid the hectic schedule and massive workload, there's still more than enough time to fulfill the "thinker, leader, pioneer" mission, almost, set down by the school?

the raffles programme really challenges you. changes your perception of yourself - how far you can go, how far you're willing to go, and how far you will go.

and that's the reason for the real conflict of emotions now.

during house meeting today i wondered.

wondered why i was taking this exco position up.

was it a love for hullett?

a more general love for the school?

or was i simply going through the motions for the sake of my testimonial?

so i forced myself to do something.

i looked at my hullettians in the eye, and told myself, "if you're doing this for the house and not for any selfish ends, fantastic. all's well. but if not, work in the knowledge that you have your own aims, but all the same put the house before yourself."

i remember talking to justin a few days back.

about the motivation behind prefects becoming prefects.

well it was his social documentary issue.

but the same concept applies.

no prefect can say that he's in the board to serve the school, and only serve the school. it's almost not a human capability to do that, except for a select few in this world who truly have a singular sense of direction so grounded that nothing can shake them off course. people like mother teresa.

likewise we cannot say that in whatever we do we don't have any vested interests.

i'm really caught wondering what my life in ri has been all about sometimes. and it's becoming a question i'm considering more and more, seeing as i only have about 3 months left here.

sometimes i just find school to be a routine. come to school, sit in class, do work, go home.

but i want to feel something else. or i would just be wasting my time.

there's really too much to talk about here. i could go on and on for hours and still i won't really have cleared up my thoughts. in fact, because i'm throwing everything up here, i'll probably be confused from what i'm feeling.

but i guess the bottom line is that the end of ri life is drawing closer.

it's close enough to feel now. every day which passes in school now becomes a question. one of how i'm going to leave this place and all its people behind without any regrets.

3 months.

and if you secondary 4s out there still remember, shanzhi threw down a challenge last year.

to leave a legacy.

and i've always kept that in mind.

but truth be told, i'm not sure what it's going to be.

personally, and perhaps even for our batch.

maybe that should be the one final goal left standing, after the usual rush to do well for the exams and all our various commitments, little or large.

and then there will be no regrets.

2008-08-02T18:26:00.002+08:00

yay i have my connection back!

but there's been nothing much to blog about.

same old grind in school. but slowly the work is dwindling (and it sure feels weird not to wake up to a pile of homework on sunday, or not going to school for any reason whatsoever on saturdays).

and now I CAN MAKE IT FOR THE APCG REUNION WOOHOO.

not going overseas anymore. oh well don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

but hey the APCG people were great stuff so i guess i won't mind too much.

oh well off to do showcase portfolio now! feeling quite relaxed about it really, so much for it being totued as a "major" assignment in the first half of the year.

2008-07-22T18:18:00.002+08:00

OHNO INTERNET CONNECTION WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SCREW UP WHEN I LEAST NEED YOU TO.

(actually i need it to work every day, come to think about it)

ARGH.

ok what that means is that i won't be able to update my regular portals so often.

(NO APCG PHOTOS OF PEOPLE IN ACTION NOOOOOOOOO.)

(NO MSN, NO EMAIL, NO BLOGGING NOOOOOOOOOO.)

so don't expect me to be around so often! but i will be back, i will.

2008-07-16T23:50:00.005+08:00

ok i seriously cannot blog late at night because when i reach home and step out of the shower it's already 11. and then there's the next day's stuff to settle.

but honestly, i love apcg to death. i wouldn't trade it for the 1-week break, oh no. i love all the facils too much to do that.

EVERYONE IN APCG LOVES LOVES <3 IT. IT'S NAIS. WE LIKE.

but in exchange for a day-by-day account, here's something else (quotes!):

"THAT'S THE WAY! UH-HUH-UH-HUH! WE LIKE IT!" - trying to shout the song unsuccessfully.
"girls!" - me, pointing at myself

here's a mini-conversation now we had during dinner:

"...aaron tiong..." jianxiong says.
i turn around and walk to their table.
"what?" i ask him.
"no, it's nothing."
i stare at him for about 30 seconds. sharon sitting beside him takes a picture of me.
after 30 seconds i go back to the table i was at to get my food.
i walk back past jianxiong's table and stare at him again.
then sharon says to me(and this is my favourite quote of apcg so far):

"yuanjun."

then she realises what she said and then everyone laughs and goes crazy.
sharon tries to defend herself by getting yuanjun to come over and compare faces.
conclusion is that we both look rather alike.
then because of the mistaken identity,

"where's yuanjun ah?" - sharon
"i don't know, why don't you ask aaron (tiong)?" - me

hilarious stuff. AND!
the yuanjun joke won't end.

and so till now i still call myself as yuanjun in her presence.

i tell her yuanjun has a good memory, because i can remember the slip.

on a few sidenotes,

YES I FINALLY KNOW EVERYBODY'S NAMES (THE RGS FACILS), although i should have posted this yesterday.

CHARLES I SO NEED THE MUNJENGAME VIDEOS. I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THEM.

and this is why apcg is the best experience i've had so far.

we're hyper, random, funny, fun-loving, spontaneous, capable, talented, and the list can go on.

but in brief,

I JUST LOVE APCG. PERIOD.

*edit: before i forget, more golden moments!

"charlie..."
"what?"
...
"-makes incoherent noises with tongue and lips-"

- random people reliving "charlie the unicorn".

i dare not watch it, else i become addicted. but i shall one day. =D

2008-07-15T00:20:00.003+08:00

apcg day one today!

i shall update this another time though, no time to tonight. was really busy rushing out stuff for today's (tuesday's) agenda!

and as i've said a million times before, times like this are priceless and truly memorable.

go go apcg guys! don't forget our cheer!

APCG - OH YEAH. =)