inspired by an extremely weird dream i had this morning. and i mean extremely.

untitled as of now. and very much still under construction, but i thought i'd just post it anyway.

and i just realised how terribly inexpressive i can be writing poetry sometimes.

not that i write prose much better (if at all). ah well.



At first sight it was you –
Your eyes twinkled like the stars in the sky,
Your skin soft as the fluffy clouds above,
Your body warm as the radiant sun –
It was only going to be you –
A godsend from the great vast heavens,
An angel amongst the many mortals,
A David to topple the mightiest Goliaths.

Then you looked into my eyes,
Blankly –
Deeply,
Truly.
As you came closer
Like a detector on a signal
My heart responded
Though my lips were weak,
And as we touched
And became
One –

to be continued

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

it suddenly strikes me how incredibly stress-free this holiday period has been.

so unlike school.

and i just wish i could be around and about doing something. anything. meaningful.

haha and 1 year ago i would never have dreamed of saying all this at this time of the year.

haha just to update this blog which hasn't been updated for a while.

yesterday and today was spent with lots of friends (happy times!) so it's been good, but i'll be leaving on a jetplane for malaysia next tuesday, so i guess this blog will fall into a little bit of disrepair.

haha not that too many people come along anyway.

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

as i promised.



Only Humans

An inch from this large sphere of twine,
Cut to size and magnified –
A red dwarf which brightly shines
Its centre full of raging pride –
A grand vision and noble mission
For lowly cells with shrill death knells.

We were never meant to be what we are –

A footnote in the annals of history,
Below Earth and air and fire and ice –
An afterthought to a beautiful story
When greedy gamblers roll their dice –
A facial mole, an ugly black hole
And many stakes for a slimy snake.

We let ourselves make us happen –

A corrupt “innocent” with tinted glasses,
Worse than meteors and living earth –
A bomb long blown as time slowly passes
Numbing us to our scourge and dearth –
The real deal and the fate we have sealed
Of a noble age, killed by hurt and rage.

But at our end, we must know who we are –

A change between good and better,
A middle with no beginning or end –
A tiny period in a word of many letters,
A name not borrowed and never to lend.
We arrived as zeroes and leave as heroes,
But our zeal is all surreal.

We’re humans – only humans.

We were never meant to be who we are –
We let ourselves make us happen.
But at our end, we must know who we are –
We’re humans – only humans.

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

because guanlin still remembers all the hugs we shared (so sweet righttt. =D)...


TEN HOWS:

How did you get one of your scars?
i walked into a drain. TWICE. enough said.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
let's see... ok i'm going to cheat, but hey mine doesn't come that often you know.

29th: got inundated with about 1000000 smses from 1M wishing me happy birthday. other friends also chipped in! ms kuang and ms low did something really special for me, so thanks to them. unfortunately mr wong made me do my ss make-up test (missed it because i was doing PI) that afternoon. pfft.

1st: after some time-intensive re stuff, back to my house for a party! tons of fun yeah. so much so i even got a request to have another one in 2009. unfortunately the guy's math must be pretty poor. =P

How are you feeling at this moment?
bored (what did you think if i was doing this meme?), happy and pleasantly surprised (that guanlin remembers the hugs, which is why i'm actually doing this), and disappointed (that spurs conceded a last-minute goal to lose to newcastle).

How did your night go last night?
the night was very young, and also very well spent in takashimaya. christmas shopping at the last minute (like about 50% of singaporeans, it seems) you see.

How did you do in high school?
i hope i did fine.

How did you get the shirt you are wearing?
oh you mean this 2004 morrison house shirt? surprise me with a few theories won't you.

(ok fine it's my brother's. and it's nice and comfy to wear, and so i feel like a half-morrisonian, and i was also once asked (jokingly i hope) to do a publication for another house after i shot to fame doing blackmail, so shoot me.)

How much money did you spend last month?
a lot actually. a few taxi rides here and there, carebears galore and of course the pool sessions. about $200 all told?

How old do you want to be when you get married?
anytime is a nice time. love is timeless.

How old will you be at your next birthday?
your pick. 5 or 17.


NINE WHATS:

Your mother’s name:
Mdm Tsai Siew Fah

What did you do last weekend?
i was at paddy's market and darling harbour on saturday, and i was up in the clouds on sunday. then i was at home the rest of the time. really a very normal weekend.

What is the most important part of your life?
life itself.

What would you rather be doing?
I feel like finding a pot of gold from nowhere and buying FM 09 and playing it. I feel like playing soccer. Randomly. Its 11pm.
(that was guanlin's answer, and my answer to that is that you should really come over before you won't have the time next year.)
of course my answer now would be to sleep.

What is your most memorable thing done yesterday?
shopping. really.

What always makes you feel better when you are upset?
my friends. satisfaction guaranteed or your friendship back.

What is the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
whether she understands me. and trust me i think i need a fair bit of understanding.

What are you worried about?
almost nothing. it's so good to be free from a school.

What did you have for breakfast?
erm some pastries we bought the previous night.


EIGHT YOU’S

Have you ever liked someone who had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
erm yes, yes and no. go figure.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
not yet. it still beats a helluva lot, and very strongly too.

Have you ever been out of the country?
my weekend description proved that beyond any reasonable doubt i suppose.

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
yeah. like turning round when someone taps you on the shoulder? or looking round to see the "it's ok!" sign in your face and then feeling 2 punches in quick succession.

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
my back does hurt, but that's because i play pool too much.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
look, i'm 4 years old here.

Have you ever read an entire book in a day?
not any textbooks, that's for sure. but i can't remember.


SEVEN WHO’S

Who was the last person you saw?
my father. went off to sleep, deflated after that last-gasp goal.

Who was the last person you texted?
my brother, who wanted an update on the arsenal-liverpool game while he's in camp (it's 1-1 now, for the record.)

Who was the last person you hung out with?
erm. the people at the pb training camp?

Who was the last person to call you?
my father, last night. i'm not a very popular guy to talk to please.

Who did you last hug?
haha. GUANLIN! during the pb training camp. it was a BEARhug. =)

Who was the last person who texted you?
shayne, who is trying to help me see if some people can come over to my house. (see how the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place?)

Who was the last person you said “i love you” to?
well i guess it might be guanlin. or darius. i say this in passing sometimes.


SIX WHERE’S

Where does your best friend live?
scattered all over singapore. don't really have a best friend.

Where did you last go?
this is the third time i'm saying i went shopping at takashimaya i think.

Where did you last hang out?
excluding my overseas trip, it would have to be school. ><

Where do you go to school?
raffles institution.

Where is your favourite place to be?
i am highly compelled to answer school once again.

Where did you sleep last night?
at home. on my bed with my carebears.


FIVE DO’s/DOES (strangely there are only 4)

Do you like someone right now?
i like a lot of people.

Do you think anyone likes you?
If no one likes you at all you are damn sad. So the answer is yes.
(agreed.)

Do you ever wish you were someone else?
sometimes. but then it's hard to be someone else and keep what i want to take along from this life.

Does the future scare you?
yes. quite a fair bit.


FOUR WHYS

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
they're really nice to me, and they're really nice to be with.

Why did you get a myspace?
sorry. facebook is the in thing right now.

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
oooh that's an interesting question. why don't you ask them?

the best explanation i have is that they wanted me to be interested and eager to learn more about stuff. that's based on my chinese name.

Why are you doing this survey?
Bored. (terribly. but also because guanlin remembered my hug.)


THREE IF’S

If you had one super power, what would it be?
to be able to control other people?

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
perhaps. but then again life is a unique series of events, and if you change something at the start everything can end up so different.

If you were stranded on a deserted island and you could bring 1 thing, what would it be?
a good, dependable friend who can get us off together.


TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
4 years is a very short time to have a fling, let alone a second one.

Would you ever shave your head for someone you love?
i think i'd look and feel better really. so yeah. why not?


ONE LAST QUESTION

Do you love someone right now?
can i love some people instead? like my friends and family.

----------------------------

ok yay thanks a lot guanlin. i promise to go easy on you when you do come over. =)

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

ok this was just too good not to post.

good as in enjoyable and thought-provoking.

not necessarily a good ending or point that's being made.

you'll see what i mean.

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

this is quite a brilliant little short film. film noir in fact. (rings a bell for you whose line addicts?)



(sorry if the embedded version doesn't show up too well. had to resize the screen to fit the page.)

and on another note, i hereby profess that i shall be writing more regularly, after my promises to myself to, quote, "f***ing sit myself down and write" failed.

now that all of you are witnesses, feel free to prosecute me if you judge that i'm guilty of not keeping to my promises. that really should be made unlawful.

sorry, feeling very punny all of a sudden. must be too much whose line is it anyway! (search it on youtube!) but then again too much comedy never hurt anyone (except for the people who peed their pants).

but back to the point - yes, that promise up there still holds. hopefully once every 2 weeks or so i'll have a good piece of prose/poetry for you, the faithful reader!

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

time for a few memes and stuff.


T - You’re loyal to those you love. (not that i love too many people.)
I - You have a fine ass. (why, thank you.)
O - You are one of the best in bed. (well i do sleep a lot.)
N - You are dead sexy. (if i had a nickel for every time i heard that.)
G - You never let people tell you what to do. (sometimes.)

B - You like people. (duh. if not people, then inanimate objects?)
O - You are one of the best in bed. (thanks.)
O - You are one of the best in bed. (as if it needed repeating.)
N - You are dead sexy. (i think i sort of like this meme.)

K - You are really silly. (good point. i'm terribly immature at times.)
E - Damn good kisser. (of course. i practiced a lot.)
E - Damn good kisser. (don't you love the way it keeps repeating?)

A - You like to curse a lot. (true. at times.)
A - You like to curse a lot. (point taken.)
R - Fcukin Crazy. (yes, i am. the things i do...)
O - You are one of the best in bed. (brilliant.)
N - You are dead sexy. (right on the money.)

(courtesy of 2 blogs and an overwhelming sense of boredom)



A- You like to curse a lot.
B- You like people.
C- You’re wild and crazy.
D- You have one of the best personalities ever.
E- Damn good kisser.
F- People adore you.
G- You never let people tell you what to do.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.
I- You have a fine ass.
J- Everyone loves you.
K- You are really silly.
L- you live to have fun.
M- One to have fun.
N- You are dead sexy.
O- You are one of the best in bed.
P- You are popular with all types of people.
Q- You are a hypocrite.
R- Fcukin Crazy.
S- Easy to fall in love with.
T- You’re loyal to those you love.
U- You really like to chill.
V- You are not judgemental.
W- You are very broad minded.
X- You never let people tell you what to do.
Y- One of the best damn bf/gf anyone one could ask for.
Z- Always ready.



moving along...



Dear reader,

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it last year when you peed your pants, outside of your office and I saw you sit on my salt-beef bucket.
I’m sure you’re high enough to understand that your driving sucks.
I’m returning the couch cushions to you, but I’ll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory.
You should also know that I told in my confession today about the moose poaching and I’m scratching my ass as you read this.

With tears of sadness.

Aaron



Dear (_friend_),

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but (_1_). I think I realized it (_2_), (_3_) and I saw you (_4_) (_5_).
I’m sure you’re (_6_) enough to understand (_7_).
I’m returning (_8_) to you, but I’ll keep (_9_) as a memory.
You should also know that I (_10_) and (_11_).

(_12_)

1. What’s the colour of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White – I’m joining the Convent
Black - I dislike your eyelashes
Green - Our socks don’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re mean
Other - I’m in love with your cat

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February - Last year when you peed your pants
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When you smacked my ass
August - When I saw the purple monkey
September - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
October - When I quoted Forest Gump
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Lasagna- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4. What’s the coluor of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put whipped cream on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5. What’s the colour of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude
Other - The elephant in the corner

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs; Man
O.C.; Emotional
One Tree Hill; Open
Heroes; Frostbitten
Lost; High
House; Sly
Simpsons; Cowardly
The news; Scarred
Idol; Masochistic
Family Guy; Senile
Top Model; Middle-class
Annat; Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumbkid
Other - That your driving sucks

8. What’s the colour of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - Your Elton John poster
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from Vegas
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your car

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
C/D - The oil tank from your car
E/F - Your neighbour’s dog
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of that blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your glass eye
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
C/D - Never will forget that night
E/F - Always wanted to break your legs
G/H – Hate your cooking
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole
Q/R - Always will remember the pep talks
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – Am better off without you

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship is ruined
Beer – you should stop picking your nose
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Wine – Thanks for the Cocaine
Cider – I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Liquor - I chew on your earlobes while you sleep
Other – I’m scratching my ass as you read this

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex-change
England - Good luck in jail
Spain - Go drown yourself
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
France – With tears of sadness



wheehee. don't you just love the holidays?

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

ok here we go.

an attempt to condense what's happened in the last 2 weeks or so into one long post.

(i'll be breathing a huge sigh of relief once this is done.)

ok so basically most of what happened happened on thursday the 4th of december, the day on which i spent 11 hours out of the house. almost seems like school all over again doesn't it. only that sometimes in school you spend the entire day there (plenty of times).

in the morning and afternoon was a pool session with the awesome foursome minus the little one.

and since it's been well-documented, let's just say it was rather enjoyable, as usual, and this time the magic dust stayed relatively controversy-free.

i think i might just want to be a pool player in future. (if my back wouldn't ache so much after all that bending over)

then after that it was back to school to deliver my "farewell gifts" to the prefects, who (by some strange coincidence) were having a training camp at the time. what timing.

ok but that wasn't the end of the story.

my time there included a game of soccer in which guanlin failed to concede, or rather only conceded because someone had distracted him earlier.

we even missed a penalty. (i say we because lousy soccer player, yours truly, was gently coerced into taking a penalty, and since my confidence was practically non-existent, theo and i decided to do it the arsenal way. flashback to game at highbury about 3-4 years ago, arsenal vs man city. pires and henry (i think) conspire to miss a penalty.)

and guess what? deja vu.

and in the end the score was just a shade higher than the premier league record of 9-0 which man united recorded against unremembered team (bradford?).

that also meant that punishment in the form of the xbox 360 would (and hopefully still will) come in due course.

and before that was interdepartmental games, and as usual it was captain's ball, and i played lousily and caught only 3 balls. pfft.

but anyway it was good to catch up with the people there. all of them, even the neps (amongst whom, i'm ashamed to say, i know few of as of now)

and this included the one and only ryan tan.


(taken on the morning of grad ceremony this one. it's a rarity.)

ok maybe not one and only.

at one point during our discussion in a room of prefects, with rtyj on my left and rytc on my right:

me (trying to speak to rtyc): ryan.
me (realising that there were two ryans): ryan tan.
me (realising that there were two ryan tans): ryan tan yu-chien...

needless to say i got a punch from ryan tan. the one in the picture up there.

but that's not the only thing i got from him that night!

i give as good as i get.

while walking to that room from the canteen:

me: so ryan, how do you feel about... being where you are now?
ryan: where am i?
me: in the raffles square.

ok that question didn't quite work did it.

but then of course he gave me this:

"everyone... is looking for aaron tiong - but aaron is still finding himself."
"i am you... and you are me... and we are each other." (something like that.)

and many more i'm sure which will roll off your tongue effortlessly, ryan.

i later learned the first quote was somewhat plagiarised from something ryan had said earlier to chander. tsktsk. heartbroken. < 3.

and after that i had a memorable time distributing my bear(hugs).

at this point it's appropriate to illustrate what i mean. (and yes, if you think i'm obsessed with carebears, i happen to have the exact same sentiments.)


the original carebears.


with their children now, who were delivered to their owners.


we are family. they are incredibly cute, don't you think?

if you're new to this blog, please don't think i'm slightly looney, sleeping with 5 personified carebears for what has been almost 10 months.

and hey, at least i'm fair.

sorry that i wasn't able to photograph the new generation carebears though! (the other 5 who aren't the carebears in the pictures) if ever by some chance they reunite i will not hesitate. =)

and that concluded a most eventful day, after which a spillover of events occured, ultimately ending in heartbreak.

(sorry shayne. i didn't need to do what i did, but when i did do it i failed, and that's not very special at all.)

that would be one of the last times i went to ri... but not the last yet.

later the following tuesday (incidentally also the day i went down under) i was in school again.

for ncc camp! (as a harmless ex-spec)

and in the end i didn't even spend most of the time in school. instead the specs who did come (and weren't bogged down by a meeting, coughcough) and max went off to toapayoh community centre to play some badminton.

whee. used to play it rather regularly when i was younger (and sadly, when i was rounder), but hadn't touched it much until this year.

and it was great stuff, but it wasn't terribly easy getting the booking of the court done, thanks to a rather unfriendly staff member.

however i'd like to think i saved the day, somewhat.

shikai&heezhi: basket! that indian guy doesn't like our faces or what... i'm sure courts booked until 10 at night. oh wait! let's try the other one... the chinese lady. (i don't know. is that somewhat racist?)
me: erm wait. let me try! i think i'll be able to charm the socks off that old lady...
shanzhi: eh, the socks might not be the only thing you'll be charming off her...

but in the end all the clothing stayed on. damn--- erm, i mean, thankfully.

so we got the courts, played a lot (and i missed some simple smashes. and i mean simple. like coming down from high in the air, 1cm across the net, and i missed it totally. repeat as many times as is necessary until game is lost), laughed a lot, shouted a lot (especially when playing with shanzhi against heezhi and shikai), talked a lot with everyone, and basically had a smashing good time, cringe-worthy pun absolutely intended.

seriously though, it's times like this you can't exchange for anything else. (and i could have stayed on longer too with the gang, if i knew the guy who was supposed to arrive at my house at 5 came at 6.30 instead)

but oh well it was time well spent (compared to what happens usually, i.e. facebooking and basically wasting a lot of time needlessly), which is most welcome. =)

and then after that it was down under!

it should be said that it's my 2nd trip to sydney, so maybe i shouldn't say too much, especially about how i flew there and back. (let's just say it was pretty damn good, and it wasn't in economy.)

ok rubbish that. i will talk about sydney, and aussieland in general.

it's a really nice and charming place you know. lovely weather (at least it's not 30 degrees all day), nice people, wonderful history, beautiful scenery.

i'm considering making it a second home. (my parents are, at least, and i certianly wouldn't object to that.)

and so here come the pictures. i'll let them do the talking, because as the cliche goes, pictures are talkative.

(all of them were taken on board a cruise ship, mainly because the rest of the time in sydney was spent mainly in shopping centres, and when we weren't shopping, i became terribly lazy and refused to even consider taking my phone out from my pocket.)




















apologies for the bad photography and all. i know i'm not good at taking pictures - no need to rub it in.

and now here's some pictures from around ri!




























this one is my personal favourite. it does look a bit like the 3rd floor has no walls along the walkway! illusions. o.0

ok then that's all i have (and finally i have found the drive to blog). more to come soon, hopefully!

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

oh my god i'm flying off to sydney in less than an hour and i have not posted that post yet.

but worry not ryan. i may not have found myself, but i have found my cables, and will find the urge to blog in a short while.

seriously though, a post about the dramas of yesterweek will be on soon, and maybe one about sydney for you just dying to know.

and 10,000 visitors coming soon! wootz.

ok then not sure whether i'll be getting any internet access in sydney (i know i can, but whether it's free is another thing), so it may be goodbye for 5 days.

don't miss me too much! =)

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

(sorry if i sound unlike me and all emo and sad and disillusioned with the world like an emo bloke who slashes his wrist. i really am right now, believe me, and it's not a valid excuse to transfer this to you, the blog-reader, but if i don't do it here and now, i'll probably continue down this dark path my life seems to be funneling into. and so i'm sorry for being so selfish, for putting myself first before you.)

i take that previous post back.

i will be posting today after all.

only that today as i know it (and as i have known it for the last 3 years), it's 1am, i am defying my parents' order to sleep (what's new?) and i just feel the pressing need to get things off my chest, move on with life and then i can be the happy person i've always wanted to be.

and at this point it's best for you to ignore this post if you didn't like the previous one. alternatively, if you would like to poke your nose around and understand my affairs, please do go on lapping this up like a thirsty dog drinking water. please don't offer me any sympathy either - that would just make me play up to you and secure even more assurance and condolences from you, and i definitely know that that would just make me worse than i already am.

ok, so no big deal, there was a rather nasty tiff at home, my parents will probably step onto this blog in the next 24 hours, read my post and dismiss it as greenspan would the subprime crisis, then lecture me about how inappropriate it is to air one's dirty linen in public view for all to point fingers at and say, "oh, i'm so glad i'm not as screwed up as him.".

it's all so predictable. yes, i know the consequences of what i'm going to do, so you can save your saliva on that lecture. i know people will know about us now, but hey, they deserve to know what i'm really like, don't they? then they can be forewarned, and avoid talking to me next time because i'm not worthy of their time.

and so before you jump out of your skins reading this particular post (i can almost hear your blood boiling upstairs! drink some liangcha, won't you. you seem to need it more often than i do!), and hurl some random accusation at me which is likely to be true anyway, let me just say something rational.

that is, if my self-acclaimed reputation (on this blog) for being a composed and rational being hasn't been irreversibly compromised by the above paragraphs.

the more i look at my word usage, the more this reminds me of the subprime crisis. yay for america and how it has royally screwed itself up its haughty haunches, and deja vu to us, ain't it sweet how the parallels fall into place so neatly.

but to the something rational.

sometimes i think we all need to be a little bit more:

understanding.
rational.
accepting.
sensitive.

and be a little bit less:

dismissive.
unstable.
stubborn.
impositional.

i say "we" because i'm guilty of it, as you may well know and have tried to impress upon me (yes, although i grunt and talk in a tone that rick astley would be proud of, my brain is actually switched on, only that if you wanted to see it, you might have to crack my skull first, and we all know the implications of that), but it's more than a little bit inaccurate to say that i'm the only one prone to all this.

i'm a highly willful character, as you may know. i just like doing things myself, my way, and if it isn't done that way, then we're all in for a bit of a ride - i believe my willfulness extends to a sort of fierce independence which i have absolutely no idea at all why i feel it being suppressed.

in addition, i tend to be fairly unstable emotionally. you should know, since i came back at the start of 2008 rarely early, sometimes unhappy and always tired. i know we all have long days at work, and that's perfectly fine, except if you want that work-life-family balance we all so often crow about like it's a personal mantra but yet crow about it is all we do.

but just because we have had long days at work and are feeling tired doesn't mean we can pass on the frustration to others by talking loudly or forcing them to do something their body just doesn't feel like doing.

and i know people always say that it's best to go to your limit, and beyond if at all possible, but my limit is usually reached fairly early in school, because i need to give my everything in school, and then i come home and i need to give some more. what, i didn't tell you of the day i slept in 5 of 6 academic periods?

yes, maybe i did put too much emphasis on school, but there are reasons as to why we're even arguing about all this in the first place (and i daresay at this point the catalyst for our incredible turnaround from "happy" to "dangerous" has been ri), which i, in my attempt to be rational, will talk about later. this academic paper is far from over, folks.

and we tend to override logic a lot, don't we? "what i say is final, so that's that." and then we all clam up into our little personal shells (consisting mainly of computers), with the little overlapping area being the car or the living room.

that's a pity, since all of our brains are going to waste.

for a family so inclined towards the mathematics and sciences, isn't it sad that we don't make use of our greatest asset - an ability to think logically?

gosh, i even presented on it in a little something called the "showcase portfolio" in august! under multiple intelligences, where i touched on something called "logical-mathematical" and "naturalist" intelligences.

an ability to reason is a common distinguishing factor between animals and the so-called superior echelon of organisms we tend to call "humans". and so a logical extension would be that if we aren't using our reason, then we are animals butting horns!

oh wait, there's a contradiction here, isn't there. it's too simple to not point out. if i'm accusing us of not having reason, yet i use reason to show all this, i'm reasoning on shaky ground, aren't i? it's a fallacy of reasoning, thank you to the sec 4s who chime in.

well having come so far in my little rant, let's just say the last thing we should be doing is to get all defensive about it and search for a convincing enough counter-argument to knock me down, shut me up and get me all emo and frustrated that despite my best efforts to patch up the ever-widening cracks which then break us up into little islands of thought and reduce us to a shouting match across the room in which all our words stop and drop dead abruptly within a 5-meter radius of the other parties.

like my year head 1 mrs lim always said (and she still does say), have an open mind.

take this as it is, accept what's going on over here, and work on it, rather than call me out to the living room, shoot my points down methodically and send me back in a messy heap of lost words, and enough tears to boil you a soothing cup of tea, minus the minerals and plus some tannins.

as it is, we're just building walls around ourselves to shield ourselves from the truth which everyone can see but ourselves. not just me, us.

so couldn't we just be nice for a while and say "mr tiong, tear down this wall.", and then i will, because i don't exactly want to come back to a place i don't necessarily enjoy every day?

and then maybe when we say "let's go out on the weekend", we might actually go out, enjoy ourselves, think that things really do stand a chance of getting better (as if they could get any worse!) and have a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

that's the kind of feeling i want to be at home and sensing.

not going to school to get it.

because that's what seems to be happening increasingly often.

yes, school is a big point of contention, isn't it?

maybe if you cut me open, i might not bleed love, but green, black and white.

you know, maybe that's what's wrong after all.

the whole idea as to why school seems like such a lovely place, a nice "home" to be in.

because at least in school, i'm treated like an adult. it's different from all those other schools (this has been told to me personally before, and i would like to believe it's true) - we may be the same age, but we do things in a different, more grown-up style.

in school, i make decisions, and i'm expected to bear the full consequences of everything and anything which might happen as a result.

being a PSL underscored that point perfectly.

in school, i learn how to fend for myself, and then based on the power of myself and my incredible friends, peers and teachers, i do things i could never have dreamed of doing 4 years ago.

and then what happens when i leave school?

i don't know, to be honest. the thought process seems to be the same but everything else is different.

and so that's my weakness, one among the many.

when i look at myself (figuratively), and really cross-examine myself and make sense of me, i see so many gaping flaws and weaknesses.

i don't like hypocrites, yet i'm one myself. the irony.

and so it's these flaws i really want to change, and i want to start where i need to change most - when i'm the "real" me and not a facade you see in school.

yes, i walk around under a guise of everything moral and nice. how sad i don't reveal myself more often, it gets a little bit tiring to put it up sometimes.

and after all that, and losing my thought process millions of times, we're at the end of this revelatory blog post, and i have said i know the repurcussions of this particular entry.

i may lose my friends.
i may distance myself more from my family. (the classic "when you do too much of something, the opposite of the intended effect happens" case)

but i guess when you consider that i'm really starting to find myself, i guess it's not too bad.

and i will consider myself incredibly lucky if neither of the above happens, or even if one of the two doesn't.

like i said, if you don't want to ruin your (perhaps) pristine impression of me, you should never had read this far.

but now that you have, and you know who i really am, i think that's a more stable foundation to rebuild everything about myself on.

on to happier things next time. yes ryan, i remember.

(selective) memory is definitely one of my strong suits.

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

let's just say an already fragile and caustic relationship is now balancing dangerously on edge.

and that's all i'll say for today. yes, i promised a post, and i am fully aware of that (and i am fully aware of more things than you might care to list), but at the expense of sounding like a prissy pampered prince throwing a hissy fit and being repulsively vulgar,

i somehow think my life is fucked up.

or more accurately, i am causing my own life to fuck itself up.

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

i'm really really a spent force (and i did spend A LOT of money over the last few days. see the last post) now, so i'll have to update tomorrow. (sorry if i let anyone down)

but for now, thanks for all the memories.

that, ladies and gentlemen, is why i love being a rafflesian, and you can call me silly or crazy.

but i don't care what they say - i'm in love with you
they try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth

till i get my energy back, hang in there! pictures will be coming soon, and ryan, i haven't forgotten your quote yet. =)

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

today was simply too eventful to not blog about. (it would have been a crime, and it was so nearly one too)

ok the first part was fairly uneventful, and the most interesting part was meeting kieran (ong) while walking around bishan. (don't think he knows me though, but he did recognise me)

which was perfectly fine. and then lunch came along.

being (ever so slightly) healthy, i decided to head for subway for lunch.

and that choice proved to be a good one.

i was busy looking at whatever i wanted to order up on the menus. there was a caucasian guy standing in front of me, so i had to move around a little to see the menus, but he was looking at me and moving as i was moving.

and then he started speaking, and then my whole day changed.

at first, it was just a simple "hi. how're you doing?" before i HAD to order my lunch (being next in the queue after him and a local guy, who i sort of presumed was related to the other guy).

but boy, when you live in a place like singapore, and people aren't particularly gifted at striking up conversations with random strangers, it sure feels weird. and i did feel a little bit weird at first (i bet people were looking behind my back), but it wasn't too bad.

in fact it was really their own loss they didn't speak to the guy himself.

and something which happened ever so slightly later really struck me (and reminded me even more strongly of what yu da posted on his blog) that we singaporeans may be pretty accomplished and all, but we somehow lack a little bit of warmth and concern for the average guy walking down the street next to us.

and at this point you might want to consider reading the post.

but what exactly happened was that while the guy was having toppings to go with his sub, he tried to strike up a conversation with the subway guy, and the subway guy simply ignored him and went on with business.

granted, he might have been busy and engrossed with his work, but surely it's not too hard to even smile or answer "how're you today?".

(ok fine. i must be honest. i didn't have a stellar impression of the guy at this point, but it's not a bad thing to have happen to you, especially when you're not in a rush, so i thought i'd just take it as it came.)

taking it as it came meant that if i could, i would quickly have my lunch and be off with my business (which oddly enough included carebears again).

but of course, being the chatty guy he was (and i suspect this may be true for all caucasians in general), i didn't "escape" him on the way to my table.

and since i was alone, he and his friend (don't forget the asian dude man!) invited me to join him.

and then everything really kicked into high gear.

apparently, the caucasian guy (i'll just call him by his name now - rodney) was from malaysia and it seemed like he didn't really have too much on his hands (he was a teacher for english literature (woohoo!) for 22 years, and did some basketball stuff with a school in malaysia. he's a religious man too, so he occasionally gives speeches at churches and stuff like that), and really just stopping over in singapore to catch up with other people.

his friend, jonathan (the local one), on the other hand, worked with the comms department of "Focus on the Family" (that radio segment on 938Live) on the 8th floor of the office building opposite J8, and apparently quite a lot of student volunteers (i'm assuming they're from raffles) help out there. sweet.

and to cut a really long conversation (45mins-1h) short, it was a really enlightening and insightful conversation. and you don't have them too often either, so yeah it's definitely a memorable experience. we talked mainly about education stuff, but in the end there were life lessons on show too.

like how it's the most important to be a good person on the inside and not just on your report card.

and the importance of doing what you want to do, and not what you are wanted to do.

and really having a meaningful life, making good use of your time.

i'm really glad i got to talk to rodney and jonathan - it's really cleared my head about my future life, and how i replied "i wish i could say i was" to his question "are you married?". but seriously though - i may not know yet what i want my life to be, but when i do i think it'll be a good choice on my part.

it's really encouraging to hear from someone that you can do stuff or that it's good for you to do stuff (psychology). motivational power and all.

and of course there was humour everywhere, peppering the conversation (but it never for a moment stung) - rodney's shock to find that a chinese guy (like me) actually likes writing poetry in english (yes, i can almost hear the cries of outrage amongst you literature people out there), hearing him describe how he met jonathan (apparently, at a bookstore almost 8 years ago, rodney went up and started talking to jonathan, as he did to me, and it all took off from there), and the incredible fate which brought him and the people he met together.

but overall it was 100% meaningful. in more ways than one.

(what have we singaporeans been missing out on.)

and to cap it all off i got their details! so it's good to see we can keep in touch. =)

unfortunately, i had to settle my business (and settle it i did, leaving a huge hole in my pocket - a foreshadowing/precursor to what would happen later? o.0), and then after a thoroughly action-packed afternoon (which included seeing mr kwok and his friends in J8! but i didn't dare call out "mr kwok" - heard a few horror stories about teachers getting red-faced when called by their "teacher names" in public. ah well i can surprise him the next time i see him anyway.), it was time to go home.

or so i thought.

being the perennial sleepyhead and always running on some strange reserve which seems to end up inevitably with me needing to fall asleep before actual bedtime, i decided to take the bus instead of the train (well it was already my favoured mode of transport home anyway) so i could get a seat (and thus allow myself some needed shut-eye).

as it turned out extremely ironically, my desire to get a seat and get home comfortably led to an afternoon of wild proportions.

let's go through the normal routine first. i take 59 to bedok reservoir road, change to either 69/228 and end up at bedok interchange where i can walk to my aunt's house. almost foolproof (there are FIVE bus stops along the reservoir stretch. can't miss all 5, can you?).

so the first half of the routine was normal. got on the bus, got into a comfortable position and then promptly fell asleep.

when i woke up it was around eunos, and after another 15 minutes i got to the bedok reservoir part, and so i got off.

instantly after getting off i felt a problem. literally.

(time for a little philosophy lesson)

P1: my handphone was not in my pocket.
P2: i checked the time on my handphone while in the bus.
C1: my handphone was still on the bus.

i needed my handphone back (that's not a premise, unfortunately), so since i had realised all this within 5 seconds of getting off, i decided to run after the bus while it was within reach.

before this i must add that in retrospect, i now wonder why i didn't realise my handphone was gone even before getting off the bus. i should have felt (or not felt) it really.

back to reality though. so i was running after the bus.

BIG-TIME MISTAKE.

i did mention previously that my ankle was sprained, if you remember, and it definitely wasn't pain-free yet, but at that moment my handphone mattered more than my foot, so run i did.

i don't think i've run so fast this year as i did chasing the bus.

adrenaline sure does strange things to your body.

however, it was already a MISTAKE (that's the 3rd of the day, by the way) to chase after the bus in the first place, because it had a 200m headstart, and it was ever only going to grow, and i wasn't any x-country runner or a sprinter, so i was left feeling really scared.

before i realised that the next thing i should do was to chase the bus in something faster (taxi), or go straight to the terminal (changi village).

as luck would have it, i only managed to hail a taxi 5 long minutes after getting off the bus (and i also failed in trying to get the license plate of the bus in that time), and i had no idea where 59 would go in reaching changi village, so straight to the terminal it was.

i tell you, it was a mighty nervous ride to that bus terminal. not just because my wallet had been bled dry from the business at J8, but because my handphone was at stake. and my handphone is the next most important thing to my computer, which sadly is not a portable version, and neither can it call my contact list.

but after 15 minutes i reached changi village, and thank goodness the fare was payable, so it wasn't too bad (barring the obvious fact that my handphone could be anywhere but in my bag or pockets).

so after asking the bus captains at the interchange, it was another nervy 15-minute wait for the bus i had taken to come in. although they did give me food for thought when they said i should have chased the bus in the taxi, which i could have done, given the exact route of the bus is plastered at every bus stop.

the lesson here is: never take things for granted. that piece of paper at every bus stop made me feel absolutely horrible for 15 minutes.

eventually, the bus came in, and i hopped on board to check if my phone was there (hoping against all odds that it was).

and of course it wasn't. way too optimistic of me.

the next course of action was then to call my phone, and hope that someone would pick up.

and to my absolute relief, someone did.

the good news was that a good samaritan had retrieved my phone, and so i had a chance of getting it back.

the bad news was that that same good samiritian was leaving singapore (what luck i have, i might have thought) at 4.30pm. and the time was 3.30pm. and there's no direct service to changi airport from changi village. (same name, no link ><) and i definitely had less than enough money to even make it onto the expressway to the airport by taxi.

but of course taxi was to be the only option. and i figured i could get the taxi driver to wait while i got my phone back, and then drive home where the money was.

so to the airport.

at 3.45pm i was at the airport, and the meter was already enough to make anyone feel pained at paying it, and of course it would continue rolling as i went in to meet the lady.

(i covered all distance on foot by running the minute i lost my phone, by the way. i really must have run quite a lot, at the expense of a normal-feeling right ankle)

eventually, after another painstakingly slow 15 minutes, the lady finally arrived at the meeting point in the airport, i got my phone back, i profusedly thanked her, and we were on our seperate ways.

and then the trip back was fairly normal (for once, and at last), but in the end the fare was over 20 dollars. OUCH.

but then again, considering that the total cost of getting my $188 phone back was less than $30, i'm definitely not complaining about losing the money. relief surely, disappointment that it really could have been avoided, but it's a lesson learnt, and well learnt at that, at a much lower cost than a handphone.

reflections:

1) what a way to get your daily dose of exercise and your pulse racing.

2) my right ankle held up pretty well amongst all of that, so yay for it, but i'm sure that running so much can do it absolutely no good at all.

3) i haven't told my parents about either incident (sprained ankle, nearly losing my handphone). or i would probably be grounded, and they might suffer a heart attack.

4) for the tremendous number of mistakes i made in retrieving my phone, it's really incredible that i got it back. of course i had to mop up the PR mess it left behind (as i went along, and after i got back), but that's really secondary to the fact that my phone now sits (safely) beside me, when for an hour or two i thought i might never see it again.

singaporeans may be rather aloof and all, but at least some of them are honest.

to a lady named shirley out there who's probably overseas right now - THANK YOU SO MUCH.

thanks too to the bus captains at changi village and the 2 taxi drivers who ferried me around! couldn't have done it without them.

and of course, thanks to you the bossman, for keeping your cool in those smses! it's really... interesting what kinds of things have happened between us over the last 2 days, wouldn't you agree.

lesson learnt:

never wear shorts to school AGAIN. and if i do, my handphone will either be in my bag or firmly in the palm of my hand.

but seriously though, i really must be more careful and attentive to these situations.

no point being all rah-rah and stuff like that if you can't even take care of yourself properly.

and now the whole world knows how close i came to losing my handphone, so you may feel free to laugh now.

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...

i think it's high time i chronicled what happened over the last few days (culminating really quickly. almost too quickly).

so it all started on friday afternoon, when i decided that i would like to play a game on monday, and needed some number mats (the kiddy rubber version would suffice), from 1-30.

PLAN 1: laminate 30 sheets of paper with numbers on. unfortunately, at $2.50 a piece the price was a tad to steep.

PLAN 1 FAILED.

PLAN 2: purchase similar mats from stores like toys r' us. a quick scan through their catalogue revealed nothing vaguely similar.

PLAN 2 FAILED.

(by this time it was friday night at about 10pm)

PLAN 3: ask around and see if anybody had the number mats. some people did, but unfortunately none to my exact specifications. ><

PLAN 3 FAILED.

PLAN 4: e-mail ms lily to ask for the number mats used during apcg. but i forgot that it was a 5-day work week, and she was away anyway until the monday of the game.

PLAN 4 FAILED.

(saturday, 1am. getting slightly desperate)

PLAN 5: sms joy, one of the apcg youth leaders, to ask for the number mats and where they got theirs. joy replied that it was diy by one of the volunteers.

PLAN 5 PARTIALLY SUCCESSFUL. but overall, it still FAILED.

PLAN 6: DIY. period.

the ultimate back-up plan, in case i failed at DIY (which i had no intention of using until monday morning) was paper.

fast-forward to saturday, 1pm.

what exactly happened on saturday afternoon was this:

i made a pitstop at spotlight at about 2pm, to search for materials on the advice of theo. i spent about half an hour looking at all the materials (and getting a little bit more desperate when all i saw were cloths at first) before finally stumbling upon something which looked like the material used at apcg.

a little ray of hope.

the assistants at the section, however, replied that i would have to test it first if i wanted to know if spray-paint would work on these things, and so i heeded their advice and bought the one roll at first. enough only to make 10 numbers.

at 3pm, i was in school and busily testing the spray paint. and lo and behold it worked!

so i had to make another trip down to spotlight to get the remaining materials. ><

4pm: back at spotlight, but the process was way faster this time.

5pm: back in school with all the mats at my hands.

PLAN 6 SUCCESSFUL, surely. barring any calamities.

next problem: the mats were in a 1.5m roll, so i had to trim them to size, but being the perfectionist i am, i simply had to trim them absolutely properly.

and it's here i am forever indebted to the floor tiles of the ripb room.

the width of the rolls were 30cm (exactly the same as the floor tile dimensions) and since numbers look good on squares, i simply had to use the tile as a guide and cut away.

so at slightly after 6pm, all the mats were ready for action.

next problem/realisation: i forgot to bring any templates to spray on. more evidence of my perfectionist nature.

so i had to adjourn until sunday, but either way saturday was a big day.

and a shower rarely ever felt as good as the one on saturday.

sunday, 11am: having printed out the templates the day before, it was time to start cutting away.

by 1pm, after a few delays and distractions (and some help), eventually the templates were all done and i was finally ready to produce an actual number mat.

so at 1.30pm, the moment of truth. would the number mat hold up?

the answer was a resounding yes. and the sheer delight and relief i felt was quite something i've never felt before.

but of course i had to be careful about ruining the porch area, so it was slow-going until about 4pm (i was only up to 15 out of 30 mats). then a little break (to get some carebears! yes, you should know what for, bossman. =D).

and thanks to the help from my entire family (who had more reason than ever before to think i had a bit of a screw loose to be doing all this) the job was finished by 7pm.

and of course drying and all took time as well, but thankfully everything wrapped up before 10pm on sunday night.

whew. close shave that one.

and yes, again, that night's shower was almost like rain in the desert.

and then on monday it was time to rock and roll.

well we'll skip straight to the number mats' use actually. it took all of 30 minutes before they went back into the bag they had come in, but the response to those 30 minutes more than made my 2 days of effort worth it.

and there was one final additional cost i had to shoulder (or rather, leg) - twisting/spraining my ankle while doing a dry run of the game.

my right side still feels shorter than my left. o.0




but more on monday now.

it was really the perfect combination between the psl and the apcg experience (the best of both worlds, almost), and yes the lack of girls might just have made it a little bit less fun, but still i'm really glad that i chose to do what i did in the first place.

live life without regrets, they say so often.

and i'm a firm believer of people power. anyone around would have seen that.

and the people really did make the difference.

and mind you, i learnt a great deal from that session myself. especially from yuda - respect to the dude man.

i just hope that in the end i really did make a difference, in some way, which would sort of make up for my own shortcomings.

i don't really like to say this too often, but i think i will make this one exception.

i'm really proud of myself.

and of course i'm immensely grateful to a few people through this incredible journey (especially over the friday-to-monday stretch):

the people who helped me search for the number pads, and actually cared about me enough to help. - charles (and for your nick)! theodore! nicchee! danieltay!

honestly, in times of need, these people make you feel lucky to have them. and i am incredibly lucky.

the people who came down to do the business. - yuda! kengchee! theodore (again)! thanks a million times over until my saliva runs dry and i need my liangcha again.

and of course, the juniors who came down to listen to whatever we had to say. it really heartens me to know there're people still like this in ri.

and so two conclusions from today:

1) i lied to a few of you. knowingly.

2) and i was wrong about all of you. and i'm glad i am.

and so ends the epic adventures of the number mats.

they sit pretty comfortably in a neat pile near the staircase now. and i just hope that a year from now, they'll find a suitable use, once again.

there's so much more i want to write, but some things are better left inside. i'll need to make sense of them fully before i can pass them on anyway.

but yes, people continue to ask me the same question, and my answer will always be the same.

"i don't know. it's just the way it is."

ok then it's 2am and my eyes are bulging out (and my right leg is crying out for a rest) so till the next interesting bit of holidays come about, so long.

(and i think i'll be off to sydney! 9-14 dec.)

Two roads diverged,and I-
took the one less taken...